Husband passed away

[tagal]

I lost my husband of 55 years recently we had been together since I was 15 and he 17. I am completely devastated and cry all the time (except when someone is here) I find it hard to go out but manage it when I’m with my sons and there wives. I just can’t stop thinking about him miss him so much. If anyone has any ideas how to stop this constantly thinking of him I would be very grateful.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

There is no easy journey in grief. Distraction might help, keep busy. Plant a rose, a tree in his honour, one he'd like. Cradle your love, it's priceless. Keep flying the flag for your children in his honour, well done. 

Here is a poem I rewrote for you. I hope you like it dear Tagal

PETAL POWER     (To Tagal)

On your saddest day you take a daisy flower

You pick petal for each of your woes, and count them by the hour

And when they become a stem and petals line the floor

Gather them up in your loving arms, put them in your store

When you enter spirit land it be snowing like Daisy Dell

Flowers thrown in celebration by faces you can tell

Then you throw your own and you will include the stems

Cause that’s what bound these petals together, a meaning to an end

He will pick up the last flower of your daisy chain

Reunited and delighted connected once again

A simple daisy flower messages you can’t ignore

A petal for each of your woes are littering the floor

So on your saddest days you take a daisy flower

pick a petal for each of your woes  and count them by the hour 

For your heart will glue them all together again when it’s time to travel above

For your hubby is a gift in your pocket of the daisy chain of love…..

TonyWK

[Mark Z.]

Hi Tagal,

My condolences. I'm so sorry for your loss. It is heart breaking when the loved ones who accompany us in our whole life leave us. But it's good to know that your children are supportive.

Psychologically I don't think you can stop (or should try hard to stop) thinking of your husband, it's very natural. But what you can do is to concentrate on your own health and needs. For example, spend time with friends or family, take up some hobby that you've always wanted to do but didn't have the time for, take care of your physical health.

You're more than welcome to share your feeling and thoughts here and we are ready to help. If you feel need more professional support, it's a good idea to seek help from your GP, or ring Beyondblue hotline.

Hope everything will be better.

Mark

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear tagal, 

A very warm and caring welcome to our forums,

My deepest condolences to you and your family, I am so sorry for the passing of your beautiful husband…

I lost my husband of 38 years, 9 years ago….The first couple of years were so hard to try to continue on with my life without him…I think we loose a big part of our identity when they pass….because we have built our lives around them…living with your husband, doing things with him for over 55 years…those memories and love you have of your beautiful husband will stay with you forever in your heart….There’s no time limit on grief, I still think about my late husband, the good times we had at times…It does get easier, I know in your heart your hurting so much and I so much wish I could reach through the screen to give you a gentle caring hug….I am pleased that you have your lovely sons and their wives to be able to be with you and help support you through this….

After a few years, of constantly staying in my home, I started volunteering at our local charity shop, it has helped me to get outside of my home (which was really hard to do) and has given me a sense of self in knowing I’m helping others less fortunate…as well it’s given me a type of social outing, being able to see and talk to the other workers…it has help me, in a way to moved on…..

Dear tagal, it’s okay sweetheart to cry, your heart and soul is hurting, and the only way your heart and soul can heal is through tears…I read once that the tears of grief, is all the love we have and want to give to our loved one….because we can’t give that love to them…it falls as tears….

Please Dear tagal, as hard as it is right now, try very hard to care for yourself, the best you can, maybe reach out to your Dr. for some support if you can…or speak to a grief counsellor at griefline…1300-845-745..for some extra support….if you feel up to it, no pressure…

We are all here to help support you the best we can..

Thinking of you Dear tagal, with kindness and care..

Grandy..

[tagal]

Thank you 

[tagal]

thankyou

[tagal]

Thank you it’s a lovely poem

[geoff]

Hello tagal, I am more than devastated for you and sincerely want to offer my complete sympathy for the loss of your lovely husband.

Words can only say so much to support you, but what has been said is truly meant with love and when you want to cry you need to release that sadness no matter where you are, please try not to hide it.

May I wish the all the very best and please look after yourself.

Geoff. 

Life Member.

[Fern42]

Hi Tagal,

My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry you are enduring this difficult loss, and it is clear that you have spent majority of your life together so I can certainly understand how devastating this would be. It is important to sit with the thoughts and memories that you are having of him time to time, allowing your brain to do this can also help with processing what you are going through. Aside to this, distractions are helpful and self care is also so important right now so focusing on doing some things that you really love. 

Take care.

[jeremiahqu]

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Losing someone you've been with for so many years must be incredibly difficult. It's completely understandable that you're feeling devastated and missing him deeply. Surrounding yourself with loved ones, like your sons and their wives, can provide comfort and support during this challenging time.