Grief and loss

Support and advice following the loss of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

All discussions

Amaya Lost my big bro nearly a month ago
  • replies: 5

He was nearly my twin, we were basically the same person but I'm a girl. I feel the main reason he struggled so much was because of societal expectations on males. I miss him so much. I love him. Now I'll never see him or his goofy smile again. His s... View more

He was nearly my twin, we were basically the same person but I'm a girl. I feel the main reason he struggled so much was because of societal expectations on males. I miss him so much. I love him. Now I'll never see him or his goofy smile again. His silly dumb jokes. His sweet, sincere personality. He was hard to deal with at times because of his struggles but he was truly one of the best people I have ever known. He would never want to harm anyone.

aMonsterCalls Anger and blame after suicide
  • replies: 6

My teenage son took his own life recently and I can't stop thinking that the people he was living with are to blame. Not directly but by the way they taught him to supress his emotions. I don't know what to do with these thoughts and feelings because... View more

My teenage son took his own life recently and I can't stop thinking that the people he was living with are to blame. Not directly but by the way they taught him to supress his emotions. I don't know what to do with these thoughts and feelings because they feel true but don't add up to "evidence" that I can tell the police. I'm starting counselling end of the month.

may_04 the loss of my dog
  • replies: 10

hi Six months ago, I had to put my dog down after a kidney infection. he got sick and was gone within a week. yesterday was his birthday, he would've been 10. My dog was the one thing that could always make me happy. Just being able to pat and hug hi... View more

hi Six months ago, I had to put my dog down after a kidney infection. he got sick and was gone within a week. yesterday was his birthday, he would've been 10. My dog was the one thing that could always make me happy. Just being able to pat and hug him make me feel so happy and loved. So when he was gone, I found it hard to live my day-to-day life. Recently I've been going through some weird emotions. I'm just sad and I don't know why. In times like this, I would go hug my dog or go for a walk with him and my mum, but now I hate going for walks because he's not there. My parents don't want another dog, and even if we got one, it wouldn't be the same without my dog. I just wish I had more time with him. He was meant to live another few years. I've never had to go through the death of a pet, and I never want to again. It absolutely sucks. This all may sound stupid because I'm talking about a dog and not a human, but the death of a pet is like the death of your best friend. I don't know what replies I'm looking for, just felt like telling someone about this. I hope that anyone else who has gone through anything similar is ok. We can get through this together. I wish you all love and happiness - may.

Avenue89 2021: The year of loss
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, It has taken me a lot to get here. I usually am the silent battle type who doesn't like to ask for help but as we enter a new year I have realized I can't keep going the way I am. So, I'm here. Taking my first step. Where to begin... Jan... View more

Hi everyone, It has taken me a lot to get here. I usually am the silent battle type who doesn't like to ask for help but as we enter a new year I have realized I can't keep going the way I am. So, I'm here. Taking my first step. Where to begin... January, we had to put my cat of 18 years to sleep as he was slowly dying of kidney disease. We had to say goodbye to his sister a year and a half earlier which broke my heart. May, my dad passed away in palliative care of cancer. My relationship with him was not the best. We were always fighting, I felt emotionally bullied but he was also very generous. I think we just didn't understand each other for the most part. October, I lost my job and a week later my boyfriend broke up with me. Losing the job was mostly for the best as I was unhappy there but to be broken up with a week later, hurt. He was never very affectionate and in the end it was always me who would be putting in the effort. Among all that, I just feel lost in myself. I don't know what I want to do for a career and I don't know how to motivate myself. I have dreams and goals but I feel like I'm floating through the day. I just want to be happy again.

pl515p1 Unexpected loss of my dad, my best friend. Feel I should have done more.
  • replies: 98

Hello, I feel vulnerable typing this but the words seem to be flowing as fast as my tears. A few weeks ago I found my father passed away in his bed at only 69. He was always early to rise and seize the day, yet that day I rose from my slumber before ... View more

Hello, I feel vulnerable typing this but the words seem to be flowing as fast as my tears. A few weeks ago I found my father passed away in his bed at only 69. He was always early to rise and seize the day, yet that day I rose from my slumber before him, it immediately felt wrong, and as I knocked on his door reality hit me like a brick. There, before my eyes I saw my father, a man who's strength, patience and generosity made him 11 foot tall and bulletproof to me, laying on his back in bed, so still, so still... far too still. I immediately tried to wake him by shaking him, then breathed into his mouth before beginning CPR, but as I compressed his chest I heard one of his ribs or bones make a sound which terrified me and caused me to panic, knocking over his table before running outside to call the police. I have been in denial, and keeping busy has kept a lot at bay, but in the past 6 or so days it has felt as if my entire body has caved in, I have broken down multiple times per day drenching myself in tears and searching for reasons to stay on this plane. His death was such a shock, I still recall his final words 'I'm off to bed, goodnight' I never thought in a million years, that goodnight would turn out to be goodbye. I have felt so much guilt owing to my circumstances for the past few years. See as an adult I had to go back to him for help in rebuilding my life, so he was my beacon in the dark world, raised me as a single father from a child, and now too as a man. I cannot repay what I owe to him, he sacrificed everything for me, yet only ever asked of me to be happy and live a good life. Other guilt stems from the thought that I did not provide CPR for long enough, once I heard his rib I felt as if I were hurting him and fell apart, I know that I did not hurt him, yet I cannot shake that remorse, I also regret the few days before he passed as he was so tired and lethargic, he was recently recovering from a bout of shingles and a slight chest infection so we both assumed that was the reason for his tiredness, but I feel I should have done something, forced him to go to the GP or something...I never thought he would go to bed Monday night and never wake up, I don't think he did either. I have been talking to his photo and recording myself on his phone, have asked him to take me away too, yet I know he gave too much of himself for me to throw it all away. I put on a brave face for others but his phone holds my truth, miss you man, I am trying dad.

quirkywords Do you remember a sad anniversary and if so why or why not?
  • replies: 39

When people remember anniversaries they often think of happy times like biirthdays or wedding anniversaries, but when there is grief and loss do you remember the birthday rather the day a loved one died. Or if there was a tragedy do you remember it o... View more

When people remember anniversaries they often think of happy times like biirthdays or wedding anniversaries, but when there is grief and loss do you remember the birthday rather the day a loved one died. Or if there was a tragedy do you remember it on a special date ? I do not want to trigger anyone or upset anyone but I am facing an anniversary in a couple of weeks and it will be covered in the media so not sure how I can avoid it. I am interested in how others handle the sad dates. Quirky

fifi Why can’t I let this go
  • replies: 1

Hey it’s been a long time since I have been here and it feels like my entire life has changed . It’s a long story but some back story is important for the convo so here goes . rougly 7 years ago now after a long surgery I awoke to news that still to ... View more

Hey it’s been a long time since I have been here and it feels like my entire life has changed . It’s a long story but some back story is important for the convo so here goes . rougly 7 years ago now after a long surgery I awoke to news that still to this day breaks my heart . My surgery had found that my tubes were blocked and I was labeled as infertile and instructed to either do IVF and fall pregnant or plan for a historectomy I would never be able to have a family of my own , never know the surprise of a random pregnancy . We went on the IVF road and we’re beyond blessed to welcome a little girl in 2015 and a little boy in 2018 . I can’t work out why the grief from that period won’t leave me I have worked on so many things in my life but this subject still haunts me tell me I’m not alone

Guest_7037 I lost my grandfather and i feel guilty about every wrong thing i've done.
  • replies: 4

I'll start from the beginning. When i was a kid, my biological father abused my mum a lot and never cared about me. My mum left me with my uncle and aunty and they were taking care of me, till i grew old enough to leave the place. But whenever i some... View more

I'll start from the beginning. When i was a kid, my biological father abused my mum a lot and never cared about me. My mum left me with my uncle and aunty and they were taking care of me, till i grew old enough to leave the place. But whenever i something wrong, they were physically abusive that they would not realise the negative impact that it would have on me. Sometimes i would even hide under my bed and say to myself "It's better if i die". I could not take it. My getaway was my grandpa's house around the suburb, i'd always go there to feel better. Sometimes i did stupid things but he undestood the fact that i was a kid and he was the only one who never raised his hands on me. I never loved someone so much as much as i did to my grandpa and grandma. When I was 15, i moved to my mum's house, there a lot of things that i did wrong, not listening to my mother while she was a single mother and struggling to work by herself, not helping her and only caring about myself. I wished i was there for her. Recently, my grandpa passed away and there are infinite things that i would like to say to him, infinite things to do for him, infinite things to rectify my mistakes. There are so much things that has happened in my life and it all comes to me in one hit. I call it guilt. I wish i could have done better, i blame myself for his death because i made a promise that i could not fulfill. So far, his death and guilt, especially guilt are the worst pain that i have ever felt in my life. The guilt that i feel feels ike it will never go away. I have ways to amend for the bad choices that i have made but i don't feel that the amount of guilt that i have will go away. My dream is to be a good father and husband when i get married at an older age. Because my mum got abused by the man that never cared about me. I also want to gain as much knowledge as i can. I know that's what my grandfather would want me to do. It's too late to apologise and it would not change what happened in the past. At the moment, i live happily with my mum and her partner, but my guilt outweights my happiness on the outside once in a while. I wish i told my grandpa how much i love him. i wish i did not do make the bad choices that i did in the past. i wish he could see me as the man that i am today, taking responsibility for his actions. I feel guilty every once in a while whenever i feel very anxious and depressed about it. It's very nostalgic. Someone please tell me they undestand.

Justal Loss Childhood pet followed by loss of cousin to suicide
  • replies: 2

Hi my names zeke and im 15 Over the past 9 or so months I've been struggling with my mental health i felt very alone during the lockdown and alot of bad memorys from a few years ago had been brought up and then I lost my cat he was 10 and the friendl... View more

Hi my names zeke and im 15 Over the past 9 or so months I've been struggling with my mental health i felt very alone during the lockdown and alot of bad memorys from a few years ago had been brought up and then I lost my cat he was 10 and the friendliest cat you could ever meet and I had to see him incredibly sick and when they put him down I couldn't stay and went to the car to ball my eyes out tthen a few months go by and we get out of lockdown and all seems well and I remember it clearly it was the Sunday a month ago and my dad gets a call from Nana and my other cousin on my mums sides there and I said to him well someone died and yea it was my cousin Britney she would be 23 in January. She would often attempt suicide cause she had a condition called borderline personality disorder. We never thought she would actually do it and had pushed away and said nasty things about the family for the past 2 years so I hadn't seen her in a while but yea before the illness really got bad she was the nicest person ever and would always give out hugs and stuff and yea was just the sweetest person ever and now she's gone forever in this plane of reality at least But yea that's my story and what I've been struggling with and im really struggling to stay calm like midday im alright but at night and in the morning im ether really depressed or really mad and I dont like that not just cause I've broken a ton of stuff but I just like wanted to be happy for a long time just like happy you know go back like 3-4 years i want happy zeke back But yea thankyou to anyone that read that and feel free to give me so advice or ask a question and yea im happy I could put this all in text

Gem17 Losing my sister
  • replies: 5

I lost my sister 6 years ago now. She ended her life which was devastating. A part of me feels like I should be 'over it' by now because it has been so many years. But I don't think I've ever allowed myself to process or grieve the loss. I jumped str... View more

I lost my sister 6 years ago now. She ended her life which was devastating. A part of me feels like I should be 'over it' by now because it has been so many years. But I don't think I've ever allowed myself to process or grieve the loss. I jumped straight back into work after her funeral and haven't been able to talk about her with anyone. I'm wondering if it will ever hurt less when I think about her...