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Grief and loss

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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Istaysee Losing Parent - Covid Lockdown and No Visitors
  • replies: 6

Hi, My mum is nearing the end of her cancer journey. She was exposed to covid in a visit to the hospital and it landed my mum in an isolation room and dad alone at home for 14 days. There was an error at the hospital side and 1 day prior to her being... View more

Hi, My mum is nearing the end of her cancer journey. She was exposed to covid in a visit to the hospital and it landed my mum in an isolation room and dad alone at home for 14 days. There was an error at the hospital side and 1 day prior to her being released from the dreaded isolation room, she was reexposed due to hospital error. She will now likely die alone in that room. We are coordinating as hard as possible to get her some visitors or home. Nothing happens quickly and she is now palliative. We don’t know how long is left. I want to hear her voice on the phone but I can’t handle hearing her beg to see us and come home. It’s emotionally tearing her and me apart. I can’t process the idea of losing mum, let alone the horrible weeks she has had leaving up to it. She doesn’t have covid, the isolation is for precautionary measures. I feel guilty for sitting at home and doing nothing to help her. I feel so very sad and angry all at the same time. I feel helpless, it is so terrible, I can’t bear telling her that we can’t get in there. It makes me so sad. Does anyone have a similar experience? What can I do?

SmileySocks Struggling with my beautiful Cats death
  • replies: 6

So I lost my beloved cat over the weekend. It was a horrific, violent death and I'm struggling with the guilt over it. We're supposed to protect our pets as part of caring for them and I failed her big time! I already suffer from depression and debil... View more

So I lost my beloved cat over the weekend. It was a horrific, violent death and I'm struggling with the guilt over it. We're supposed to protect our pets as part of caring for them and I failed her big time! I already suffer from depression and debilitating anxiety so obviously her death has compounded it. I don't have a partner or any kids and my cat was my constant companion through most of my adult life. She helped me through some of the really dark times and for her death to be anything but peaceful is killing me. I will never make peace with her death but I need to find a way to honour her memory/life, not to get rid of my guilt but because it's the very least I owe her. I'm just really, really struggling and I can't get in to see my psychologist atm so I need to write what I'm feeling here, maybe it'll help me come up with an idea to honour her.

Guest_342 Disenfranchised grief
  • replies: 4

Has anyone here experienced disenfranchised grief (i.e. grief that is not widely recognised in society of being as worthy of grief as other things - e.g. loss of a pet, loss of a non-immediate relative, missing out on parenthood, death of an ex-partn... View more

Has anyone here experienced disenfranchised grief (i.e. grief that is not widely recognised in society of being as worthy of grief as other things - e.g. loss of a pet, loss of a non-immediate relative, missing out on parenthood, death of an ex-partner, etc) and do you have any tips on how to deal with it? Do you have thoughts as to why some of these things are not considered by society as noteworthy losses? I struggle with some of these things sometimes.

NoPlateZone Lost father 10 years ago and just started my own family
  • replies: 7

Hello, I don't know how to start so I guess the title should give an idea. My dad died of cancer 10 years ago when I was a teenager and it's been a constant void in my life that I have never felt filled. I have a 9 month old baby and a wonderfully su... View more

Hello, I don't know how to start so I guess the title should give an idea. My dad died of cancer 10 years ago when I was a teenager and it's been a constant void in my life that I have never felt filled. I have a 9 month old baby and a wonderfully supportive partner who helps me a lot with our baby. And I'm aware that I'm lucky. But I am really struggling. There are the thoughts of, my dad never got to tell me whether he approved of my partner, he never got to congratulate me on my new family, kiss his grandchild or give me hugs for getting through labour safely. I know I have my mum, and she's doing everything that he would have done also. But it's not the same. I love her and I have a huge fear of losing her now because of my dad dying. She helps me so much, I'm so grateful. I just miss him, I have forgotten how his voice sounds because his voice mail has been disconnected. I miss his hugs and his smell. He used to smoke so I took up smoking just to feel closer to him and to smell it but gave it up for my baby and family. I go to therapy fortnightly but I have no other coping mechanism. I thought maybe having a family of my own, a little human that comes with a lot of responsibility would help me fill his void. It doesn't. I love my family, and I miss my dad. I wish he was here still. I feel lost without him and I feel like bearing this pain for the rest of my life will become more suffocating since I keep making impulsive decisions because I want to ease the pain somehow. I have people counting on me now. It's starting to choke me.

Widowed_Warrior Lost my husband this year to cancer at 37 - have 2 y.o Son
  • replies: 4

My husband was diagnosed with Stage 4 Bowel Cancer when our son Billy was only 10 months old. Steven passed away 7 months later in January this year. I thought that was the hardest 7 months of my life - covid lock-downs, Steve's chemotherapy journey,... View more

My husband was diagnosed with Stage 4 Bowel Cancer when our son Billy was only 10 months old. Steven passed away 7 months later in January this year. I thought that was the hardest 7 months of my life - covid lock-downs, Steve's chemotherapy journey, me raising our Son and not being able to leave the house because Steve was immune compromised - no kindy ...just me being carer for the both of them. I tell myself I would never have became a Mum if I knew I'd be doing this on my own, because it seems even harder now. I also now realise Billy is my saving grace. Where would I be without that responsibility? There's been many months at home...no one to talk to but the baby and my dog, I was going insane. I have great friends - but I'm not good at accepting or asking for help. I wanted to be alone. It is so, so hard with a toddler. He is in kindy now...but I suffer daily from anger and rage outbursts and can't control my emotions. I was on anti-depressants but they made it worse. I drink occasionally and think I 'deserve' to. I feel I don't have the support (we) deserve from Steve's Mum or my Mum. I know this is a hard age and everyone says it will get easier...some days I have zero energy. I just want to cry and go back to bed all day and I feel I'm not a good enough Mum because I don't have the energy.

Lalune89 Just lost my beautiful mum to Ovarian cancer
  • replies: 2

I just recently lost my beautiful mum to ovarian cancer, and I am devastated. She is my best friend. She is only 58 and the most sweetest, kindest and selfless person I know. My heart feels broken and I feel so lost without her. I miss her so much an... View more

I just recently lost my beautiful mum to ovarian cancer, and I am devastated. She is my best friend. She is only 58 and the most sweetest, kindest and selfless person I know. My heart feels broken and I feel so lost without her. I miss her so much and just want to see her again. I have been crying everyday, and don’t know if it will ever stop. I feel like there’s a hole in my heart where my mum used to be. I am just so heartbroken and this pain is so unbearable at times. I have no motivation to do anything and feel so empty without her.

kellyb2 Feeling alone.
  • replies: 8

Hi its my first time doing anything like this. I moved to Australia 2008. I had been home sick but not to bad. I have always been terrified of death but it’s never really thought about it. until my daughter was almost 6 months old in 2015 it hit me b... View more

Hi its my first time doing anything like this. I moved to Australia 2008. I had been home sick but not to bad. I have always been terrified of death but it’s never really thought about it. until my daughter was almost 6 months old in 2015 it hit me bad. I would wake up 4 5 times a night crying panic attacks. cried myself to sleep and just felt really down and full of anxiety of loosing my daughter or her loosing me. I coped with it pretty well for almost 6 years. then this year my mum went into hospital had lots of good news bad news. so I had to go the doctors because I knew I wouldn’t cope. my mum never left hospital she died in august in the uk. so i couldn’t see her and hadn’t seen her since 2019. now I feel more depressed than ever feel alone even tho I have 2 kids and a husband. and really homesick.

Chook81 Loss of mother
  • replies: 4

I have only just lost my mum and I'm feeling so empty, broken and sad sometimes I think about self-harm (I will not do this as I have two kids to live for). How do I try and get back to a normal life. I miss her so much.

I have only just lost my mum and I'm feeling so empty, broken and sad sometimes I think about self-harm (I will not do this as I have two kids to live for). How do I try and get back to a normal life. I miss her so much.

Ruby2 1 Trying to move on
  • replies: 4

Hi all,have posted before but am still struggling with the loss of my husband 10 months on. I can't open up to many about it as prior to his death he had come out as gay.No one knew except me and our kids. I hold many secrets that he kept.My closest ... View more

Hi all,have posted before but am still struggling with the loss of my husband 10 months on. I can't open up to many about it as prior to his death he had come out as gay.No one knew except me and our kids. I hold many secrets that he kept.My closest friend can't understand why I still loved him. I guess what I am asking is:how do I reconcile the fact that he was gay but in a hetero relationship with me? Very confused but wanting to hold on to the love I thought we had.

chrisjr9 New Question
  • replies: 3

I recently lost my father and am still processing the event. My father and I have the most special relationship a parent and daughter could have. I was at the hospital with him every single day. He was in ICU, and it was heartbreaking to see him in s... View more

I recently lost my father and am still processing the event. My father and I have the most special relationship a parent and daughter could have. I was at the hospital with him every single day. He was in ICU, and it was heartbreaking to see him in such a state. I wish I had had another chance to speak with him. My heart will never be the same after this experience.