Grief and loss

Just lost my mum and and so many regrets

replies: 6

My mum passed away two days ago and I have not been able to accept it, probably in denial but angry too. Mum was in the UK. I did manage to see mum before she died in hospital but she was on the mend before I left and had restricted access due to cov... View more

My mum passed away two days ago and I have not been able to accept it, probably in denial but angry too. Mum was in the UK. I did manage to see mum before she died in hospital but she was on the mend before I left and had restricted access due to covid controls. I wasn't concerned as I genuinely believed I could get back in a few months to see her again. She was discharged on the day I left the UK so I felt ok about leaving. I planned to return in a few months, however, she was back in hospital within a week and took a downturn healthwise and was dead within about two weeks. I wish I had stayed and I can't stop thinking I could have done more to get her well again. I honestly think the standard of care in the hospital was poor and this opinion is shared by my sibling in the UK. I am now feeling terrible about not being there and I really miss my mum. I have let her down, took her for granted in respect of assuming she will always be there and made little effort the last few years. I gave grown up children and a wife who are great but I feel so alone in my grief. I can't show my emotion because it's not my thing and can only do this in private. I feel like I should be punished for the way I have been and deserve it. I know I have an underlying depression slowly eating away like a cancer. I also know this will be bad for those I leave behind. Grief can't be like this surely? I am thinking of the time I had with mum and memories but this anger is boiling away too. I don't know how this will end and I can only hope it will ease with time.

Losing my beloved Princess

replies: 3

I don’t know how to cope with this grief. I am in the process of losing my beloved Princess (Golden Retriever) she is 15 years of age and I have had her since she was 8 weeks oldShe is the love of my life and my only support and companionShe has love... View more

I don’t know how to cope with this grief. I am in the process of losing my beloved Princess (Golden Retriever) she is 15 years of age and I have had her since she was 8 weeks oldShe is the love of my life and my only support and companionShe has loved me unconditionally for 15 years and been my loyal love i don’t know how I can go on without her, I cannot stop crying and worrying, I feel sickMy life will not be worth living without my baby, I have lived my life for heri would love to hear from anyone that has experienced this lossi am probably going to have to make a decision to put her to sleep which I cannot do, it will kill me I am heartbroken and cannot go on i don’t know how to cope and feel like I am going to die without her

Psychic

replies: 4

Hello has anyone here seen a psychic/medium and actually have gained anything out of it? Like with everything the psychic said was spot on and for some reason I actually feel free after today like a sense of weight lifted off my shoulders I know my m... View more

Hello has anyone here seen a psychic/medium and actually have gained anything out of it? Like with everything the psychic said was spot on and for some reason I actually feel free after today like a sense of weight lifted off my shoulders I know my mother is safe and happy to be with her mum and it’s okay for me to move on with my life now..?

Unspeakable grief

replies: 3

8 years ago I lost my best friend who was like a sister to me. She was Albanian and I met her in Albania but she passed away when I was in Australia. This alone would have been challenging but she died with pregnancy complications which has made it v... View more

8 years ago I lost my best friend who was like a sister to me. She was Albanian and I met her in Albania but she passed away when I was in Australia. This alone would have been challenging but she died with pregnancy complications which has made it very difficult to discuss with friends. Every mothers day and Christmas is challenging as is new years eve. This year seems worse than normal, but I struggle to find people to talk to about it because pregnancy can be such a sensitive topic. This year I know 3 people who are expecting about the tine my friend was due but I am also hoping to return to Albania. Is there anyone who has experience in grieving in a setting that is hard to talk about and if so what have you found helpful. Sadly when I am at my worst with this there seems to be limited help available, due to b the time of year, though I do have a GP appointment booked this week.

Childhood grief created emptiness emotionally

replies: 2

When I was 7 my mum died of leukaemia ever since then my life was changed as through my teenage years to this day I have noticed a lack of emotions and feelings that are considered normal. I feel as if I’m not sad when I should be and I don’t know ho... View more

When I was 7 my mum died of leukaemia ever since then my life was changed as through my teenage years to this day I have noticed a lack of emotions and feelings that are considered normal. I feel as if I’m not sad when I should be and I don’t know how to describe it but I just done feel anything at all. My current circumstances aren’t bad at all in living comfortably and I have a caring girlfriend. I just don’t feel many emotions if any towards all situations and just life in general. I wouldn’t consider myself emotionless or empty I am struggling to put a pin on it. I’m wondering if anyone has felt the same thing as me and what’s I can do to change this. I wouldn’t consider myself in a bad or good mental state I’m just kind of living life as it is. But sometimes I just wonder why am I so empty inside it’s like grief has drained my emotions and feelings towards others.

It's all getting too much.

replies: 3

I honestly just don't know any one. I think I'm just destined to be miserable.I wrote my car off on New Year's Eve, my grandmother passed away last week and my parents just had to put one of our dogs to sleep... I'm struggling financially and just wa... View more

I honestly just don't know any one. I think I'm just destined to be miserable.I wrote my car off on New Year's Eve, my grandmother passed away last week and my parents just had to put one of our dogs to sleep... I'm struggling financially and just want to run away from everything. I can't even afford to see my doctor to get a new prescription for my ADHD.

Lost my husband

replies: 2

Nearly 11 months ago I lost my husband of 25 years. I have gone from 72kgs to 54kgs and am lost

Grief/loss

replies: 2

Hi,I lost mum 2 years ago. I’m devastated. Was her carer. I lost 4 cats- Jane, Tilly, Robby, Kevin, and now Ratty. I have a place to do vet science, but buyers won’t buy my house , so can’t go interstate to do it. I am alone . I have no family / clos... View more

Hi,I lost mum 2 years ago. I’m devastated. Was her carer. I lost 4 cats- Jane, Tilly, Robby, Kevin, and now Ratty. I have a place to do vet science, but buyers won’t buy my house , so can’t go interstate to do it. I am alone . I have no family / close friends. I’m unemployed cos I went to TAFE and no one will give a job. I am trapped . Can’t move. Gonna lose my place . Have nothing much to live for atm, but who cares- no oneI worked hard for my vet place. have always worked hard. Don’t know what to do.only allowed counselling once a month. Have no one to talk to. V. Lonely. I cry all the time. too much grief. More grief, more lonleyness. Got bullied out of nursing, while was Mums carer for free- cos she was not allowed a carer on Medicare on a visa.I think this house selling will kill me. It is so cruel. My house is a good house, but they either don’t want it or they try to rip it off me. My father says it’s better to be heartbroken than in a mess, but does not understand that heartbreak can get you into a mess.This is not right. It’s killing me

My Dad is going in for a lung transplant and I’m really scared for him and myself.

replies: 3

Hi I’m Seraphene I’m 19 and I’m struggling to keep myself together. I have autism and ocd and I’m scared I won’t be ok ever. Even though I’m getting help it’s so hard.My Dad has a severe illness called pulmonary hypertension. He’s been going in and o... View more

Hi I’m Seraphene I’m 19 and I’m struggling to keep myself together. I have autism and ocd and I’m scared I won’t be ok ever. Even though I’m getting help it’s so hard.My Dad has a severe illness called pulmonary hypertension. He’s been going in and out of hospital since May 2022 when he got Covid and was diagnosed in October 2022. He is on the lung transplant list. And even though I’m doing my best to stay strong for him and positive I can’t keep it together because I’m scared for myself. I have been crying secretly so I don’t worry him.But I’m afraid I won’t be ok. I’m scared that when he goes on immunosuppressants I will accidentally make him sick or if he dies I won’t be able to stay strong. I’m trying to find a course that will help me have a high paying job so I can live independently but I’m worried that it won’t work out. Uni was an ultimate failure for me. I’m thinking of doing OHS or something but I’m worried that I won’t be good enough. My mum died from cancer and my sibling is dealing with his own problems I’m so scared. It’s so hard. I am getting therapy but I feel like I’m worthless. How am I supposed to stay strong through this tough time. I don’t want to give up on life but I just feel so much grief.

Family split a realistic approach

replies: 3

This Xmas has been a sad occasion with a family divide prior to Christmas day that resulted in half our family not attending our day. I've noticed from others posts over the years the natural tendency to allow emotions to rule decision making. The me... View more

This Xmas has been a sad occasion with a family divide prior to Christmas day that resulted in half our family not attending our day. I've noticed from others posts over the years the natural tendency to allow emotions to rule decision making. The mere thought of "losing" family members from our lives is often too much to bare. I believe we should exercise a "cross the line" approach which doesnt alleviate the pain but makes the road ahead clearer. If the family argument is contained to a fixable level between the parties directly involved then allow it to run its course, miss one xmas if it takes that. However some behaviours can escalate quickly and if those actions are intolerable and likely to reoccur, then as in my case the hard decision must be made, to distance oneself from those that lack the basics of compassion, forgiveness and the like. Creating distance- I actually come from an "all or nothing" family- in your life or totally out of it. Any withdrawal will be seen as an abandonment and fear of abandonment is a part of the NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) ingredients. However, you can perform partial disconnect eg stay in touch once or twice a year. If that is seen as full disowning then frankly that is their problem. This "their problem" concept is just as interesting. If you have identified what parts of a dispute is attained to yourself, owned it, apologised for it and so on then dont fall for anyones attempt to lay blame upon you. Separation of fault is most important to find clarity. Identify "tit for tatt" and treat it for just that, miniscule expansion of the real issues. Family could resort to triangulation involving one or more into the argument and place those loyal persons at the frontline support rather than sideline support where it is more effective and doesnt directly involve them. Toxic family members are not always liveable, they might need to be distanced and thats ok if it means your mental health is preserved. It'll still be a grief period but you'll live in peace, hopefully. If you have sort treatment for your mental health issues then it isnt reasonable for others to do the same if their behaviour is toxic. Be firm, fair, kind and realistic. Emotions alone wont solve problems TonyWK

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Welcome to the Grief and Loss section

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