guilt ridden because of suicide

[Abbey23-]

hi. Im really struggling to get past the guilt of my ex husband taking his life because i didnt want to go back to him. we were married for 28 years and together for 31. I left him in early July this year after almost 2 years of wanting to. It took me so long to leave him because I knew that he would take it really hard. Our marriage was wonderful and we had 26 or so really great years together, but i simply fell out of love with him. I decided early August that I wasnt going back to him and not even 12 hours after i told him of my plans was when he took his life. He was a functioning alcoholic but he worked hard for us his whole life right up until the day he died. He was a great man, husband, father and grandfather. we were good friends right up until the end. The guilt that is running through me is soul destroying and I know it wasnt my fault but that really means nothing to me when people tell me that. At the time of his passing, I felt like everyone around me, including our kids blamed me and i just cant get past it.

[Croix]

Dear Abbey23~

I'd like to welcome you here to the forum, a good place to find understanding.

You are in a horrible position, seeing with the benefit of hindsight that perhaps if you had done differently he would not have taken his life, and you are also assuming a best of outcomes, if you had done differently he would be alive.

You don't actually know either - his capability to deal with life may already have reach overflow - maybe his drinking was a part response. Then anything at all may have been too much

Yes, I know, all this is logical and does not really help (now).  May I suggest two things:

Firstly if you have not done so already seek professional help, our 24/7 councilors may be able to make a recommendation if you are unsure where to go

Secondly your relationship with this person spanned many years and has not stopped, it was not just an ending, which is what you are concentrating on. There were both good and bad times, and the more you remember them the less you will think of the ending. It may never go away but equally will not continue to rule your life.

When my partner died it was all I could think of, and I too felt overwhelming guilt. I had a photo of my partner with some kids. It broke my heart to look at it. That was then, now my life has more in it than just that loss, and when I look at that photo now I know my partner and I were having fun teasing the kids and trying to keep a straight face. I enjoy looking at it with fondness, even the amusement like we felt at the time, a compete turnaround.

You are welcome here anytime

Croix