Grief a few months after loss

[little_flannel]

So I lose my Nan April this year and the last time I saw her she was in the hospital bed non responsive and so I never got to say goodbye

I didn’t cry at the time as wanted to be strong for my sister and mum however I have since moved to an isolated town and with all my spare time the grief has caught up and I keep having flashbacks to that last day with her 

I miss her and need help to dealing with this grief

[sunnyl20]

I am really sorry to hear that you are experiencing so much distress. I saw your earlier post about relocating for work and cannot imagine how much of an effect this has had on your mental health. It sounds like you are dealing with quite a lot at the moment and feeling very isolated with not a lot of support, which is really tough.

Grief can be incredibly painful and messy. There is no right or wrong way to grieve and there is no time limit. From what you've described, it sounds like you have not been able to express or process your grief. There is nothing that will fill the space in the same way that your Nan did, and there are no words to describe the pain. But acknowledging what you are experiencing and giving yourself the space and time to grieve is an important first step in trying to reduce the intensity of some of what you're feeling. Let yourself cry and let yourself feel and notice what comes up, try not to suppress or avoid those feelings. 

It can be useful to talk to others who may understand what you're going through, so you do not feel as isolated in your grief. If you don't feel up to talking about it, that's okay, but it's important that you have someone who can be with you and who you can trust when you're not coping. 

If you are open to it, writing can also be a helpful process when things feel really overwhelming - writing can help organise your thoughts a bit more and can help externalise some of the pent up emotion that you are going through. It may help you to process what has happened.

Is there anything or anyone that has helped you in the past when things have felt really difficult?

I am really glad that you have felt able to reach out on these forums. Please feel free to use them as and when you wish. We are here to support you and listen.

Take care.

[IAM_INKI]

Hello there.

I don't know how to start with this but while reading your post I kinda told myself " Hey, you're not alone. " Why? Because your post reminded me of my granddad. Heaven took him away from me last 2021. The night before he died, I had a conversation with him via VC. He just got out from the hospital, had an operation. I told him how much I love him and promised him that I'm gonna talk to him again first thing in the morning. 

And our conversation ended. I slept that night with a grateful heart knowing that he's safe and already at home. 

The next day, I was awoken by a loud knock at my door. When I was about to open it, I heared my sister-in-law saying in a very soft voice "Your grand-dad..." I don't know how to explain it but I just instantly understood what she was trying to say. No words came out from my mouth. It was all tears. I knew at that very moment that I will never gonna see him again. He was already gone. I did promise to call him that day but even before I could do that, heaven decided to take him away. I felt cheated by God. I couldn't believe how cruel and unfair life can be. I wasn't able to say goodbye to him or told him again how much I love him. It feels sureal.. the pain was unbearable. And I even remember how frustrated and angry I was that I couldn't fly back to my home country because of lockdown due to Covid restrictions. It was the worst feeling, hopelessness. It was the saddest day of my entire existence. And the passing of my grand-dad left a huge hole in my heart. For about a year since it happened, I hit rock buttom. I had an accident, I lost my job, I isolated myself from everyone and I even almost ended my relationship with my husband. I was in a lot of pain physically and emotionally. I did drugs and attempted suicide couple of times. I got so lost. 

It's 2024 now and it's been almost 3 years since my grand-dad past away. It's been really tough for me to accept the reality but I was still lucky enough that my husband didn't gave up on me and helped me. Slowly, I am healing from the grief and pain. I may not be able to see him again but I can still feel the great love my grand-dad had for me. I will always remember him as the person who I looked up to ever since I was still a kid. He was my protector, mentor, strongest pillar and my beautiful loving "lolo Daniel" (lolo aka grandfather). I miss him so much everyday and my love for him will always be forever. I will continue to help myself and heal from the wounds because he raised me to be a fighter and I will not fail him again nor me.

I hope you'll be able to do the same too. It's never gonna be easy but do it for yourself and for your nanna. 😘