August is the Month of Grief for me
August is such an awful month for me, just filled with grief.
I lost some of the most wonderful people during the month of August.
Last Friday I sat quietly and grieved the loss of a wonderful, beautiful man. It's been 3 years but that pain hasn't subsided nor has he left my thoughts.
Pretty soon the anniversary of the loss of my father will come around, its been 11 years but I wish he was here now.
This morning the news of others who have passed, brings it all back.
I suppose I just want someone, everyone to know that I am still thinking of them, daily!
I'm sorry for your loss, sorry for everything that you've gone through...
August is indeed the month of grief, the climate, the surroundings remind me of people I know and lost... Still I keep walking around the wintery suburbs, and thinking of them. and wish I could have a walk with them...
I'm not sure what more I can say but I'm here to listen, you are heard. Please share more if you are comfortable.
Dear Fiatlux and OTR, I'm so sorry fr=or the triggers that the month of August bring to you.
I'm sorry for the deep grief and loss you feel more acutely in August.
Gosh I used to have this awful, depressive feeling of pure DREAD beginning before Christmas because February was approaching! I knew the month of Feb was THE time... and it wouldn't begin to clear until after Mother's Day in May... horrible.
It was like 6 months of my year was just horrible. Bam another "date", bam another and another... so many "days" when this happened and the thinking "I should"... this and that.
It was only when I realised this that I could begin to change it and LIVE through these months.
I forcefully put GOOD things to look forward to during these months.
This process of realising then working on this took about 10 years, no joke.
I realised that the people I lost would not want me to be in the depths of depression over them.
These people we loved and lost, also loved us.
I'm sorry I didn't see this Discussion earlier. How are you holding up?
This just past August was a tough one for me, too. I dread August coming around again, since 1996, when I had found out the friend of my teenage years had died. Our relationship was so complex, & she ended it after mistakes I'd made. I had never wanted us to split, even after I have come to understand how unbalanced our relationship had been. I love her still.
How I found out was very hurtful as well. My father tald me in a letter dated on my Birthday.
He only said she had died of cancer. That's all I know.
All I could think was that I wasn't there.
It gets really hard some years, but not so much as it had initially.
Other things trigger deep emotions, too, at other times when doing other things,a book or film or music something I associate with her, & it can hurt all over again.
Try as I might, I know now I cannot run away from my feelings; there is no use in trying. It takes a lot of effort & energy to try to avoid the feelings I still know are there.
So that's how I either cope or don't - I am learning to not fight, but accept. I love her & miss her, & there's nothing wrong with that.
Sometimes I can read those books, watch the movies, sometimes I can't. Whether I can or not does not mean I love her more or less. I've been told, how much or little I express my grief is no indication to the depth of my grief.
Whatever you do, the advice is to go easy on yourself.
We will get through the tough times.
& just trying something different, I made an effort to consciously enjoy & celebrate my Birthday - even extending it for the whole week! It was so helpful to do this with people here on BB.
I've been distracted by other things on my mind, so her Birthday, this week, was not so hard felt.
That's how it goes - I think that will be an awful day for me, too, but it's not always so.
Big Hugzies, gentle & warm, ❤️ to you, Fiatlux, OTR, EM & Everyone.