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Grief and loss

Support and advice following the loss of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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davey_ Childhood grief created emptiness emotionally
  • replies: 2

When I was 7 my mum died of leukaemia ever since then my life was changed as through my teenage years to this day I have noticed a lack of emotions and feelings that are considered normal. I feel as if I’m not sad when I should be and I don’t know ho... View more

When I was 7 my mum died of leukaemia ever since then my life was changed as through my teenage years to this day I have noticed a lack of emotions and feelings that are considered normal. I feel as if I’m not sad when I should be and I don’t know how to describe it but I just done feel anything at all. My current circumstances aren’t bad at all in living comfortably and I have a caring girlfriend. I just don’t feel many emotions if any towards all situations and just life in general. I wouldn’t consider myself emotionless or empty I am struggling to put a pin on it. I’m wondering if anyone has felt the same thing as me and what’s I can do to change this. I wouldn’t consider myself in a bad or good mental state I’m just kind of living life as it is. But sometimes I just wonder why am I so empty inside it’s like grief has drained my emotions and feelings towards others.

rusti_4 It's all getting too much.
  • replies: 3

I honestly just don't know any one. I think I'm just destined to be miserable.I wrote my car off on New Year's Eve, my grandmother passed away last week and my parents just had to put one of our dogs to sleep... I'm struggling financially and just wa... View more

I honestly just don't know any one. I think I'm just destined to be miserable.I wrote my car off on New Year's Eve, my grandmother passed away last week and my parents just had to put one of our dogs to sleep... I'm struggling financially and just want to run away from everything. I can't even afford to see my doctor to get a new prescription for my ADHD.

MonicaB Lost my husband
  • replies: 2

Nearly 11 months ago I lost my husband of 25 years. I have gone from 72kgs to 54kgs and am lost

Nearly 11 months ago I lost my husband of 25 years. I have gone from 72kgs to 54kgs and am lost

Nutkins Grief/loss
  • replies: 2

Hi,I lost mum 2 years ago. I’m devastated. Was her carer. I lost 4 cats- Jane, Tilly, Robby, Kevin, and now Ratty. I have a place to do vet science, but buyers won’t buy my house , so can’t go interstate to do it. I am alone . I have no family / clos... View more

Hi,I lost mum 2 years ago. I’m devastated. Was her carer. I lost 4 cats- Jane, Tilly, Robby, Kevin, and now Ratty. I have a place to do vet science, but buyers won’t buy my house , so can’t go interstate to do it. I am alone . I have no family / close friends. I’m unemployed cos I went to TAFE and no one will give a job. I am trapped . Can’t move. Gonna lose my place . Have nothing much to live for atm, but who cares- no oneI worked hard for my vet place. have always worked hard. Don’t know what to do.only allowed counselling once a month. Have no one to talk to. V. Lonely. I cry all the time. too much grief. More grief, more lonleyness. Got bullied out of nursing, while was Mums carer for free- cos she was not allowed a carer on Medicare on a visa.I think this house selling will kill me. It is so cruel. My house is a good house, but they either don’t want it or they try to rip it off me. My father says it’s better to be heartbroken than in a mess, but does not understand that heartbreak can get you into a mess.This is not right. It’s killing me

Seraphene-4444 My Dad is going in for a lung transplant and I’m really scared for him and myself.
  • replies: 3

Hi I’m Seraphene I’m 19 and I’m struggling to keep myself together. I have autism and ocd and I’m scared I won’t be ok ever. Even though I’m getting help it’s so hard.My Dad has a severe illness called pulmonary hypertension. He’s been going in and o... View more

Hi I’m Seraphene I’m 19 and I’m struggling to keep myself together. I have autism and ocd and I’m scared I won’t be ok ever. Even though I’m getting help it’s so hard.My Dad has a severe illness called pulmonary hypertension. He’s been going in and out of hospital since May 2022 when he got Covid and was diagnosed in October 2022. He is on the lung transplant list. And even though I’m doing my best to stay strong for him and positive I can’t keep it together because I’m scared for myself. I have been crying secretly so I don’t worry him.But I’m afraid I won’t be ok. I’m scared that when he goes on immunosuppressants I will accidentally make him sick or if he dies I won’t be able to stay strong. I’m trying to find a course that will help me have a high paying job so I can live independently but I’m worried that it won’t work out. Uni was an ultimate failure for me. I’m thinking of doing OHS or something but I’m worried that I won’t be good enough. My mum died from cancer and my sibling is dealing with his own problems I’m so scared. It’s so hard. I am getting therapy but I feel like I’m worthless. How am I supposed to stay strong through this tough time. I don’t want to give up on life but I just feel so much grief.

white knight Family split a realistic approach
  • replies: 3

This Xmas has been a sad occasion with a family divide prior to Christmas day that resulted in half our family not attending our day. I've noticed from others posts over the years the natural tendency to allow emotions to rule decision making. The me... View more

This Xmas has been a sad occasion with a family divide prior to Christmas day that resulted in half our family not attending our day. I've noticed from others posts over the years the natural tendency to allow emotions to rule decision making. The mere thought of "losing" family members from our lives is often too much to bare. I believe we should exercise a "cross the line" approach which doesnt alleviate the pain but makes the road ahead clearer. If the family argument is contained to a fixable level between the parties directly involved then allow it to run its course, miss one xmas if it takes that. However some behaviours can escalate quickly and if those actions are intolerable and likely to reoccur, then as in my case the hard decision must be made, to distance oneself from those that lack the basics of compassion, forgiveness and the like. Creating distance- I actually come from an "all or nothing" family- in your life or totally out of it. Any withdrawal will be seen as an abandonment and fear of abandonment is a part of the NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) ingredients. However, you can perform partial disconnect eg stay in touch once or twice a year. If that is seen as full disowning then frankly that is their problem. This "their problem" concept is just as interesting. If you have identified what parts of a dispute is attained to yourself, owned it, apologised for it and so on then dont fall for anyones attempt to lay blame upon you. Separation of fault is most important to find clarity. Identify "tit for tatt" and treat it for just that, miniscule expansion of the real issues. Family could resort to triangulation involving one or more into the argument and place those loyal persons at the frontline support rather than sideline support where it is more effective and doesnt directly involve them. Toxic family members are not always liveable, they might need to be distanced and thats ok if it means your mental health is preserved. It'll still be a grief period but you'll live in peace, hopefully. If you have sort treatment for your mental health issues then it isnt reasonable for others to do the same if their behaviour is toxic. Be firm, fair, kind and realistic. Emotions alone wont solve problems TonyWK

Siobhan505 I am about to put my dog down tomorrow.
  • replies: 3

I have an appointment scheduled for tomorrow to euthanise my family's black Labrador of 15 years. I feel very sad and down about it and almost feel physically ill. Blitz is the sweetest dog and I am dreading coming home to an empty house and getting ... View more

I have an appointment scheduled for tomorrow to euthanise my family's black Labrador of 15 years. I feel very sad and down about it and almost feel physically ill. Blitz is the sweetest dog and I am dreading coming home to an empty house and getting rid of his stuff and knowing I can never be near him again.We are cremating him and the thought of him just being dust is extremely painful.Any advice on how to navigate this difficult would be appreciated.Does it get easier over time?

Rach_den23_ Struggling with putting my cat down
  • replies: 3

Hi, I have recently put my cat down and I am struggling massively with the decision I made, I regret doing it. He had surgery a few months ago for this same problem, he had surgery again and then I was told he had to have surgery again the next day a... View more

Hi, I have recently put my cat down and I am struggling massively with the decision I made, I regret doing it. He had surgery a few months ago for this same problem, he had surgery again and then I was told he had to have surgery again the next day and then go to the sunshine coast for weekend care (which is 1 hour away) I was told the same problem would possibly reoccur again. I chose to put him down, mainly due to the cost if it all and the possibility it would happen again. Now I regret my decision and can't seem to get myself out of this depression. I miss my cat so much. Inwish I could go back to that day and start over

lil quirky Words cannot explain grief and loss but I'll try explain my story
  • replies: 3

Hey its lil quirky here,You may or may not have seen me around in different sections and now this one. This wasn't too long ago, like a month ago maybe, my dog was getting really old and we all knew it, and my dog was showing it too, she had such a l... View more

Hey its lil quirky here,You may or may not have seen me around in different sections and now this one. This wasn't too long ago, like a month ago maybe, my dog was getting really old and we all knew it, and my dog was showing it too, she had such a long run, she was 18 so older that me (I'm 17) and I grew up with her my whole life, she had dementia and my family made the decission to put her down so we only had a couple of days left with her so we took that time to give her as much love as possible, I spent her last night with her, and during this long and painful week I still had to go to school because it was a SAC week and I had a SAC every day that I had to attend to. At the vet I wont go into to much detail here because I'm already drowning in my tears writing this but I saw that green liquid go into her and watch the life drain out of her and I was the last one she saw. I can just see it my head every now and again it comes back to haunt me, she could have had more time but she may not have been happy and instead suffering and I feel guilty like did we do the right thing, I feel like we did, its just so hard to admit shes gone. Now here comes another part, we now have a new puppy and the rest of my family I can see are happy and they needed this, but I have mixed feelings, for me I feel it's too soon, but maybe I need this? maybe he will help me cope with this Grieving process, I've never really done it with someone I was so close with. I am not ok at the moment and so much has happened to me this year that I feel the world is just against me, and I keep asking myself 'can I do it?' - Kind regards lil quirky

JoeDee Overcoming the difficulty of having a son in prison
  • replies: 2

I have a son in his early twenties that is in jail, having recently been sentenced for two years for an attack on a random person. It was a moment when he was drunk i believe, a bit of a fracas and he lashed out. Was no intent of maliciousness to cau... View more

I have a son in his early twenties that is in jail, having recently been sentenced for two years for an attack on a random person. It was a moment when he was drunk i believe, a bit of a fracas and he lashed out. Was no intent of maliciousness to cause harm, just anger fueled. Unfortunately, the victim fell to the ground ending up in hospital in an induced coma which made it worse for my son. He now feels harshly dealt with by the system and its really tough on him and on me being a single parent to handle and cope with. I really don't know how to get on with my life whilst he is behind bars and where to go from here. There's no one to talk with either. It's a difficult situation. I would love to visit him but its a fair distance to get to. I will however organise a trip soon. I hope time goes by fast, he is given parole and we can get on with our lives. I feel it will have affected his life forever. I keep telling him its a time he needs to forget and that he is young and can move on from here. I too need to move on with my life.