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Grief and loss

Support and advice following the loss of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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WiltedRose Completely broken
  • replies: 2

Hi all,I have just had my first child, he’s amazing and I’ve never loved anything more! We just received a completely unexpected diagnosis of an extremely rare genetic condition that is terminal and life expectancy is less than 10 years. I’m not copi... View more

Hi all,I have just had my first child, he’s amazing and I’ve never loved anything more! We just received a completely unexpected diagnosis of an extremely rare genetic condition that is terminal and life expectancy is less than 10 years. I’m not coping. I got a mental health care plan from my GP and am seeing a psychologist which isn’t helping yet. I don’t have a big support network, it’s just my mum and my husband. It’s taking its toll on my relationship. I’m having massive breakdowns every few days. I don’t know what to do, I can’t do this

Elise_H Loss of my mother
  • replies: 3

I am 50 years old and recently lost my mother to cancer. I am struggling everyday without and I just dont know how I can possibly live without my mum. I have lost my nan (cancer), my husband of 23 years left and remarried and my mum within a 3 year p... View more

I am 50 years old and recently lost my mother to cancer. I am struggling everyday without and I just dont know how I can possibly live without my mum. I have lost my nan (cancer), my husband of 23 years left and remarried and my mum within a 3 year period. I feel so lonely and even though I have three adult children they too are struggling with the losses and I dont want to put extra strain on them. If anyone knows anyone that has passed away due to cancer and was by their bedside they would know how horrible the last 48 hours is. Everytime I close my eyes I see my mums face, when and if I fall asleep I dream about her. I can not get those last visions out of my head. Of course when I feel like this I would usually turn to my mum and no I feel like although everyone says we are here for you I have never felt more alone.

Chocolate59 Feeling lost & alone.
  • replies: 4

New here, so I'll try and just give a brief outline of why I'm on here. I'm divorced from an alcoholic & but it took me 20 years to get the nerve to leave. Thankfully I became the Mum of a puppy a year or so before I left & thankfully he gave me the ... View more

New here, so I'll try and just give a brief outline of why I'm on here. I'm divorced from an alcoholic & but it took me 20 years to get the nerve to leave. Thankfully I became the Mum of a puppy a year or so before I left & thankfully he gave me the courage to throw what I could in my car & drive away whilst he was out getting drunk again. We'd had another of our many arguments & I knew it wasn't going to be good when he eventually cane home. I rang a friend & drove to her house, parking out of sight. Her husband gave us some space to talk & she made a bed up for me - no dogs allowed inside. The thing was my little dog was used to being inside & couldn't work out why I had left him in the car. After all was quite I snuck out with a blanket & cuddled up to him for the night. My friend knew, but thankfully understood & didn't mention it. I had no idea where to go as my ex would never give up our home for me & I just wanted a safe place to have some piece. He hadn't shown any anger issues up until we'd been married for about 6 - 8mths. His first big outburst left me shaken on the bathroom floor with him still screaming at me & kicking me. I had stupidly thought 7pm dinner meant 7pm. Hours past 7 he came home drunk for his Hot Dinner & I said it's keeping warm on the stove & why was he late for it ? That was the beginning of my learning to live with a heavy drinker. I'm going to leave it here as I've over written on the beginning - I was 20yrs old & very naive - he was 28. I'll add more when I hopefully can get more confident in here.- Dogs Are No One. If you've read this far, thank you.

inmydreams17 ex best friend and first relationship experience
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I am grieving with a lost of a good friend and a partner. We had been good friends for two years (platonic on my end for most parts) then things happened and he asked me to be his girlfriend. Though that relationship only lasted for less than... View more

Hi all, I am grieving with a lost of a good friend and a partner. We had been good friends for two years (platonic on my end for most parts) then things happened and he asked me to be his girlfriend. Though that relationship only lasted for less than two months. I broke it off as I felt used and I was. It was extremely hard as it was over the phone, “he could not make the time to meet me”. I was weak and contacted him back just two weeks after that initial breakup. It was December last year and I only went completely no contact in late March. I had never cried so much in my life during that period. It was emotionally, mentally and physically draining for months on end. I only had only truly saw the true scope of what he did to me and his intentions after working on myself the past few months. However I have my days where I miss him. I wish him well but I will not forgive what he did to me. I had went on dating app to help distract me. My last date - I hooked up with them. That was when I realised this was not healthy for me. As I know for myself that I get attached to easily to an idea of someone. I deleted my dating app account after that because I want to do better for myself. Last night I had drove away and cried because to this day I still wonder what did I do wrong? Was I not enough. How could someone who I held dearly close to my heart be gone from my life just like that? I can’t fathom the idea of people just coming and going. It hurts me.

JB01 First Breakup and Heartbreak
  • replies: 2

My girlfriend of over 2 years ended our relationship almost 2 months ago and I'm still crying everyday about it. Distractions only work short term and every morning, night or moment I'm alone, I cant help but sob. We travelled the world together and ... View more

My girlfriend of over 2 years ended our relationship almost 2 months ago and I'm still crying everyday about it. Distractions only work short term and every morning, night or moment I'm alone, I cant help but sob. We travelled the world together and spoke about a family. I'm feeling guilty over the mistakes I made and I feel like I did not give her the love she deserved. All I think about it how I would have done everything different. I didn't realise how much I loved her. Now so much reminds me of her and everyday my heart aches and yearns for her. I could see she was pulling away 4 months before she broke it off but she couldn't explain to me how I could make it better. I kept getting frustrated when I would make changes and then it wouldn't change how she felt and this probably pushed her away further. We had poor communication. She explained things I did that made her upset and I apologised for it. I did try to be better - I did make changes. But it wasn't enough. In trying to save the relationship, I became more like her and took on her interests and traits. This has all lead to be feeling like I've lost so much of myself. Everyday I remember something I said or did which may have contributed to the way she ultimately felt about me and I feel sick. I could go on forever about the rabbit holes of thoughts I've had. I wish I took her out more, I wish I bought her gifts more, I wish I was more patient with her, I wish I did things different. Then maybe we would still be together. I also wish she told me what I was doing wrong so I could have worked on it. I still miss her so much. I still love her so much. But she has made it clear that she is no longer interested in continuing the relationship. I sent her a letter a week after the breakup going over all my thoughts and apologising for everything I felt I did wrong. She sent a text saying she' doesn't hold anything against me' and that she 'didn't breakup with me because I'm a terrible person'. This helps to hear but I still cant shake the feelings of guilt and regret over mistakes. I talk to my parents about the way I feel and they have been helpful but are getting impatient as I'm still a mess over the whole thing and I don't want to drag them down with me. I just want to get better and move on but letting go her and the regret, guilt, sadness and memories is proving too hard. Im so scared to see her move on with someone else. I'm scared Ill never find anyone like her. I'm tired everyday from thinking.

Kat1234 Pet cat dying
  • replies: 9

Hi. I'm at home sitting next to my beloved 17 year old cat who's quietly dying. She's been to the vet and everything that can be done for her has been done. I'm recently retired, don't have many friends and my only family member is my daughter, whom ... View more

Hi. I'm at home sitting next to my beloved 17 year old cat who's quietly dying. She's been to the vet and everything that can be done for her has been done. I'm recently retired, don't have many friends and my only family member is my daughter, whom I've luckily been seeing more often recently. Since I'm fairly isolated (for many reasons...mostly to do with depression and anxiety I've been battling for a long time), my cat's illness and her imminent death are particularly heartbreaking for me. My daughter also loves the cat (it was her favourite pet growing up) and I want to let her know how much pain I'm feeling today...but I also don't want to ruin some good news she and her partner received yesterday. She told me she's happy for me to reach out to her whenever I need to (and I have asked for her help with vet visits etc.), but I don't feel right doing so now...since she'll be in pain too when she should be enjoying good news. I know there are no answers: the cat is very old, I'm making sure she's comfortable and knows she's loved and death may be a kindness for her. I just wanted to share with someone my sadness at losing a friend. Kat.

flowers1 Lost my partner to Epilepsy
  • replies: 3

I am so sad. Two months ago I lost my partner and my best friend to Epilepsy two months ago. He knew how much he was loved everyday I told him, but miss him so much. Life is so hard.

I am so sad. Two months ago I lost my partner and my best friend to Epilepsy two months ago. He knew how much he was loved everyday I told him, but miss him so much. Life is so hard.

trixie1 Grief and loss
  • replies: 5

hi, I lost my husband 1 month ago after a short battle of 4 months with metastatic pancreatic cancer. I nursed him at home throughout with help from my kids and grandkids! He was only 69 and we had retired 2 yrs previously. I’m now experiencing a ful... View more

hi, I lost my husband 1 month ago after a short battle of 4 months with metastatic pancreatic cancer. I nursed him at home throughout with help from my kids and grandkids! He was only 69 and we had retired 2 yrs previously. I’m now experiencing a full range of grieving including panic attacks! I’m pretty sure I’m going through the so called normal grief but I’m so so sad! And never been so out of control in my life! I’m also an RN of 50 yrs but my training is not doing me any good atm. Just want to touch base with others.

Steinbeck Friend's suicide
  • replies: 2

My very close friend died just over a year ago. It's her birthday today and it is another reminder of how I have not dealt with this properly. She was such a good friend and I've helped her family to grieve and I kind of forgot about myself. I kind o... View more

My very close friend died just over a year ago. It's her birthday today and it is another reminder of how I have not dealt with this properly. She was such a good friend and I've helped her family to grieve and I kind of forgot about myself. I kind of feel on the outside, she's their sister.Her husband died from cancer just less than year before she took her life. He was a narcissist and treated her badly but she still found a way to idolise him. I fondly imagined that she would be set free but she couldn't be without him it seems. I tried to give her support but she said that everything was always ok. Then I did have to call an ambulance once when she drank too much and took pills and I wonder if I should have just let her go because she was less in favour of me afterwards. She planned the next time. I tried to help her but she didn't want it and I tried to respect her wishes.What should I have done? Does she know how much I cared?

Freyatom 8 Weeks ago I lost my daughter to Suicide
  • replies: 5

I'm feeling so sad, there is def. a piece of my heart missing. My youngest daughter took her own life, after a massive fight for the last 4 years against depression and anxiety. It started when she was only 16 that she was suicidal, after an attempt ... View more

I'm feeling so sad, there is def. a piece of my heart missing. My youngest daughter took her own life, after a massive fight for the last 4 years against depression and anxiety. It started when she was only 16 that she was suicidal, after an attempt she was put into a mental health unit for 7 months. My husband and I were there every step of the way with her, she was sent back home and lasted 3 months, after continual attempts, was then sent to another mental health unit 7 hours away from where we lived. She was 17 by then, I lived in a unit at the back of the hospital for almost 12 months. They worked out it all stemmed from undiagnosed Aspergers. Finally got her home in 2017 and I worked very hard to get her out socially again, half way through that year she went back to her old job, turned 18, and had a lovely boyfriend. Then last year we had a few bumps in the road but were constantly there for her and with her. Life seemed pretty happy for her. I was thinking too myself that 2017 was tippy toes, 2018 was baby steps and this year was going to be even better. We had Xmas she told me she had a lovely time, we had a holiday with her in January, there were a few hard days there but we just went back to the holiday house so she could sleep. February she wanted a 20th Goth birthday party at home with her work friends with no alcohol. It was a lovely night. Then I came home from work on the 1st of March and she had ended her life. The last 8 weeks have been a blur. We are all just heart broken and miss our girl so much, she had a wonderful sense of humour, the most beautiful smile, had so much love and empathy for everyone but not herself. Life is so very short. We loved her so so much. xx