Loosing both parents as a child

[second time]

Hi I am interested in connecting with others who lost both parents as a child. I lost my father to suicide when I was almost 10 and my mother with MS when I was almost 13. I had been living with my Aunty (Mothers sister) since I was 8 due to my mothers MS and fathers drinking problem. My brother and only sibling took his life 2 years ago (also leaving 2 children) he also was a big drinker-I believe our adverse childhood experiences were a major contributor to his substance abuse and eventual suicide, my Aunty passed with dementia a few months later.

I have a child now who is 5 and 1/2 years old I am 45-I am now a year older then my mother was-this year I am my fathers age and next year I will be my brothers age.

I am interested in sharing some complexities and aftereffects and stories of resilience with others who lost both parents as children. Much love to all

[sunnyl20]

I am really sorry to hear that you have experienced so much loss. I cannot imagine how painful that has been to endure. I hope that you may be able to find some support on these forums. Griefline also has online forums that you may wish to look into. 

There is an Australian charity called 'Feel the Magic' that was founded by a couple who have both experienced their own grief (https://feelthemagic.org.au/). The charity supports grieving children and families and while its supports are primarily geared toward children aged 7-17, there are groups and resources for families more generally. They also have a private Facebook group that you may be interested in joining. 

I am sorry if this is not what you were looking for, but hopefully some fellow Beyond Blue members may be able to share their experiences or advice. 

Take care,

L

[white knight]

Hi, welcome 

I had my father till he passed at 64yo. Mother is 92yo but haven't seen her in 13 years Narcissistic issues. Made my life hell. 

We have bipolar in the family resulting in my brother suiciding in 1979 at 26yo. Uncle in 2002 at 82yo. Attempts by myself, my sister and my daughter over the years. 

So, in brief life has been a struggle and like you have wondered how to cope and not end up like them.

I found that motivation and positive thinking work very well on one condition- that if you possess a mental health issue/s there will be times your mind is not in a state to allow it so you must wait until you begin to leave behind an episode of depression or bipolar mood, then implement your motivation strategies. 

I've noticed you tend to over think things like birthdays or you arrive at same age as ... Remember you are you and although you are related there is also individuality that separates you. Of course fear would have a lot to do with self reflection. How do we overcome that fear?

There is an inner self you might not be aware of, that determination, fight, that se energy you'll tap into so to protect your child if at threat. This fight is why humans have survived, it is why your children and generations that follow, will survive die to your resilience.

Call it luck, but take it anyway. There's likely lots of trapped emotions from your interrupted childhood that could be released with therapy via a GP. I did that and grew from there.

Reply anytime

TonyWK