Grief of nearly dying
I nearly died a few days ago. I had a new baby and got sepsis after C-section delivery. I only lived because it was picked up early due to being in the hospital already.
I have not yet had a visitor to the hospital that wasn't here to see my baby.
I begged for pain relief when I was in clear agony despite being in hospital. I didn't receive it until several hours later when the test came. I really thought I was dying. The lack of compassion was horrible when in that state.
I am completely disalousioned about humanity. People don't care what you are going through. Only what they want etc.
I love my husband and can't imagine life without him but as I sit here reflecting on death, I realized that I no longer trust love.
Has anyone felt the same after a similar death experience?
I'm not sure how to bond with my child now as I just see another person who will turn their back in me and others in time.
Hi Karen, welcome
Oh boy, what a nightmare. I have had a taste of how you feel and I think many here with mental health issues have also. We are often abandoned or feel that way.
To assist you I need to remind you that often we are left with a frame of mind that isnt fully realistic, in that we feel abandoned but often 1/ there is sometimes reasons why people dont contact. They might not know what to do or say but could be worrying about you. 2/ often when we feel this way the person is there not long after. 3/ sometimes visiting hours dont fit in with workers etc. 4/ in some cases fear of the patients health stops visitors from attending especially in situations of the spread of germs etc.
Bonding with your child can take time. I think you are being hard on yourself and feel rejected. Of course there often is some friendships that do go missing when you need them and its perfectly ok to decide to rid yourself of those one way relationships if you have thought hard about it. This results in gradual improvement over time with a highly quality of friend in your life. But in most cases sometimes we need to self assess ourselves and in your case if you accept that you not only nearly lost your life, you havent had a visitor and so it is normal to feel the way you feel but also acknowledge that you are likely not going to feel this way for long.
I hope you tell your nursing staff how you feel and that you need some family comfort as soon as possible.
Reply anytime if you want.
LOVE WILL ALWAYS STAY
Love like a flower takes time to bloom
As you recover from doom and gloom
And as that flower opens its heart
Your instincts and bond will never part
And then baby's scent will be his and yours
you'll protect and nurture to your core
and the flower will blossom every day
And your love for that baby will always stay...