Grief and loss

Support and advice following the loss of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Pinned discussions

Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

All discussions

Ruby2 1 Trying to move on
  • replies: 4

Hi all,have posted before but am still struggling with the loss of my husband 10 months on. I can't open up to many about it as prior to his death he had come out as gay.No one knew except me and our kids. I hold many secrets that he kept.My closest ... View more

Hi all,have posted before but am still struggling with the loss of my husband 10 months on. I can't open up to many about it as prior to his death he had come out as gay.No one knew except me and our kids. I hold many secrets that he kept.My closest friend can't understand why I still loved him. I guess what I am asking is:how do I reconcile the fact that he was gay but in a hetero relationship with me? Very confused but wanting to hold on to the love I thought we had.

chrisjr9 New Question
  • replies: 3

I recently lost my father and am still processing the event. My father and I have the most special relationship a parent and daughter could have. I was at the hospital with him every single day. He was in ICU, and it was heartbreaking to see him in s... View more

I recently lost my father and am still processing the event. My father and I have the most special relationship a parent and daughter could have. I was at the hospital with him every single day. He was in ICU, and it was heartbreaking to see him in such a state. I wish I had had another chance to speak with him. My heart will never be the same after this experience.

Misskitkat Grief
  • replies: 2

Ive recently just lost my dad and still trying to process the situation. My dad and I had the most precious bond a father and daughter could ever have. I was there every single day in hospital with him. He was in ICU and it was so soooo hard seeing h... View more

Ive recently just lost my dad and still trying to process the situation. My dad and I had the most precious bond a father and daughter could ever have. I was there every single day in hospital with him. He was in ICU and it was so soooo hard seeing him like that. I wish I could have just talked to him one more time. My heart Will never be the same again.

blondguy My K9 Community Champion passed away
  • replies: 14

Hey everyone my beautiful Chow Chow/German Shepard cross was euthanized at home here in VIC on June 9 with degeneration of the spinal cord...He couldnt walk anymore yet his heart and lungs were okay He was a rescue dog that sat right beside me and he... View more

Hey everyone my beautiful Chow Chow/German Shepard cross was euthanized at home here in VIC on June 9 with degeneration of the spinal cord...He couldnt walk anymore yet his heart and lungs were okay He was a rescue dog that sat right beside me and helped me write over 11,000 posts of support on the forums He was kind...and loved his stuffed toys He was huge..57 kilograms with massive paws...The photo on my profile pic is only a year ago I couldnt even get a VET on the phone or a home visit to discuss his health in the last few weeks of his life without being brushed off...He was panting and walking slowly inside the house for 18 hours before he laid down on his side.....Then he waited 9 hours for VET. This was horrible Thankyou for letting me grieve (and modsupport for the care) Paul

Butterfly34 Lost my Dad over a year ago and still at a loss
  • replies: 5

Last July I lost my Dad, he was my everything. The last week of his life he was in palliative care - I never left his side that week. There were things I cannot explain, that I saw, smelt and heard especially in his final hours. I was there when he t... View more

Last July I lost my Dad, he was my everything. The last week of his life he was in palliative care - I never left his side that week. There were things I cannot explain, that I saw, smelt and heard especially in his final hours. I was there when he took his last breath and the thing is writing this I am crying because I can see him so clearly, the sounds and feeling a part of me dying right there and then with him. I miss him so much it hurts some days more than others. That's why I am reaching out today for the first time, I don't like asking for help I have always been the one who fixes it for everyone, I don't like opening up but the past couple of days I have been sad and crying on and off. Perhaps its covid and all these restrictions or perhaps it was seeing my Mum in the NH yesterday. I sat with her for a couple of hours, she has frontemporal dementia and yep she is declining and I feel my heart is so heavy at the moment grieving Dad and now grieving for Mum. I am not sure how to get me back - the strong me. I lost myself along time ago and I miss that so much I do not know how to get back there when life had some sense of normality and not constant fear or pain. Thank you for reading this.

Doolhof Memories rattling around in my mind
  • replies: 18

Aren't you over your grief yet? Why are you still sad? Go and buy yourself something to cheer yourself up? Why are you upset on Mother's Day? You can't come to Church this week as we are celebrating so and sos baby and we don't want you there upsetti... View more

Aren't you over your grief yet? Why are you still sad? Go and buy yourself something to cheer yourself up? Why are you upset on Mother's Day? You can't come to Church this week as we are celebrating so and sos baby and we don't want you there upsetting everyone and spoiling their happy moment. My sister in law asked for the maternity dress her parents had given me and wore it to family occasions for both her pregnancies. My husband had given it to her. We were told we couldn't possibly have Christmas at our place as we had no children. I was not invited to my sister in laws children's parties because I had no children. Church people got together for outings, picnics and family gatherings, I had no children so I was not invited. It is not just the loss of life, it is the loss of identity. Believing I am not good enough because my babies died. Did my past pregnancy loss cause these babies to die? How often have I asked myself if I brought this on myself. I tried grief counselling. I was told I was lucky not to have children. Another counsellor told me my babies died, they didn't even exist. Their anniversaries come and go. Last year my Dad died very unexpectedly. Old wounds of grief resurfaced. How do you deal with new grief when you have no idea what to do with the old? I sought counsel from a person I thought might be able to help. I was told "People die. That is what they do". I don't always know what to say to people either when a loved one dies or when they are in emotional pain due to some kind of loss. I just hope I have some compassion and can show sympathy even if I don't have the words to say. Getting these thoughts out of my mind has helped a little. Time to move on with my day.

Keeeks84 A wee bit lost
  • replies: 6

Hi All, I've lost many people in my life. The biggest was my Mum 9 years ago to cancer. I've also lost my 3 Grandparents (my Grandfather passed before I was born) and I lost an Aunty 10 years ago. A work friend was killed by a wreckless driver 3 year... View more

Hi All, I've lost many people in my life. The biggest was my Mum 9 years ago to cancer. I've also lost my 3 Grandparents (my Grandfather passed before I was born) and I lost an Aunty 10 years ago. A work friend was killed by a wreckless driver 3 years ago. So it's been alot. In May this year, my other Aunty passed away. My Aunty was 81 and had a lung disease. She wanted to go but that doesn't make it easier. In her last 4.5 months, we had a schedule to look after her. She didn't want to be in a nursing home so we respected that. I did alot of work and spent alot of time speaking to doctors and social workers to have this organised. We had training at the hospital on how to get her out of bed, how to change her 'nappy' and give her medication. I did a medication schedule and put up 'how to do' sheets in the house in case her sisters and some of my cousins would forget. Then she finally came home. Because I work, I would spend the entire weekend with her alone. My aunties and uncle would take turns doing the week days and my other uncle (we have big family) would do the nights. The weekends I spent there were from Saturday morning until Sunday night and it was hard. You're not sleeping because she's not sleeping. You're worrying about her. Even having to watch her while she eats in case she chokes. Changing nappies and giving medication. She used to tell me and everyone else that I was 'the best one' which made me feel really good. Looking after her was so hard but it was so worth it. I'm proud of what I could do for her. Something I never thought I could. I wasn't there when she passed. It was the day after Mothers day. I had left that night to go home as I had been there all day. I told my uncle i would stay but he told me to go. I wish I was there but I also know she wouldn't have wanted me to be there when she passed. There were things that happened after she passed which I'm not happy about but I will get over that. I know this is what she wanted and now she's at peace and I know I did a good job with her but i still get anxious about it...did I do enough? Could I have done more? I'm just a little lost. We have a tradition where we have a 40 day mass after the funeral. However, due to covid, we couldn't do that. I feel crap even though i dont have control over it. But she was very traditional and unfortunately we couldn't do what she would have wanted.

Catsandcomics Loss of a beloved pet
  • replies: 1

On Thursday evening, we found our beautiful cat had passed away in our home. It was very sudden and unexpected. The last several days have been extremely tough, and my husband and I both have depression and anxiety. We have another cat, which comes f... View more

On Thursday evening, we found our beautiful cat had passed away in our home. It was very sudden and unexpected. The last several days have been extremely tough, and my husband and I both have depression and anxiety. We have another cat, which comes from the same litter, who had spent over nine years with her brother and my anxiety is making me so scared of losing her too. I keep crying and feel so lost. He was a larger than life cat who was extremely people centric, and clingy so we attended to his every need like parents do with a child. I am a very needy person myself, often craving affection and attention as I lost my father at the age of 5 and was very close to him, and have struggled to move on. Our cat would snuggle and purr loudly, and spend most the time following us around. It provided lots of comfort and attended to my own insecurities. His sibling is very sweet natured and will play and rub against you and enjoys sleeping on humans for warmth, but she is far more independent (dare I say much more well adjusted?) and I get sad knowing that the endless cuddles and attention are no longer around. There's a small part of me that just wants to get a kitten ASAP, but I know that wouldn't be right and it might upset her. As we are in lockdown in Sydney, and have been living in one of the restricted LGAs the things I would normally do to distract myself are not around, as I would go out and catch up with friends or do day trips to distract myself. My husband can spend hours playing video games etc, I can't do that. I do lots of arts and crafts but I need to be in the right mood to get into it.

Munchkin2311 Need ideas to help 99 year old grandfather deal with loss of wife
  • replies: 2

Hi, My 99 year old grandfather recently lost his wife of 76 years. He is having a hard time dealing with suddenly living alone. He has never been alone, and is struggling. Does anyone have any idea about how he can deal with his grief. He has no frie... View more

Hi, My 99 year old grandfather recently lost his wife of 76 years. He is having a hard time dealing with suddenly living alone. He has never been alone, and is struggling. Does anyone have any idea about how he can deal with his grief. He has no friends as they have all passed on. We as a family are doing what we can but we cant be with him 24/7 and he doesnt want to leave home. Thanks Muchkin2311

Katie27422 I lost my Nan to cancer
  • replies: 3

She was my favourite person in the whole world and the last month without her has been so stressful I cant focus on school anymore and I often find myself reading my old messages with her and crying. Yesterday my teacher saw me upset and asked me wha... View more

She was my favourite person in the whole world and the last month without her has been so stressful I cant focus on school anymore and I often find myself reading my old messages with her and crying. Yesterday my teacher saw me upset and asked me what was going on and i just broke down infront of her and my entire class