Shouldn’t have died in iso
- My Dad died of cancer in late 2021. Dad should have died surrounded by people who love him but sadly he died alone in a COVID isolation hospital ward.
He died alone because of extreme/illogical COVID rules that prevented his loved ones being with him. And because I wasn’t smart enough to preempt an extra COVID test I should have done. And because of useless ScoMo not achieving a faster vaccine roll out. And because of all the selfish people who didnt get vaccinated earlier.
Like anyone who looses a loved one I miss him so, so much. But he was 77 so I can reconcile he had a reasonably long life. Not long enough, sadly there’s so much he’s missed just in the last 7 months, but at least 77 is not 40 or 20 or 10.
What I can’t come to terms with is his lonely end. And knowing it was partly my fault… to explain in brief… I live interstate and had an end of life permit to visit him via hotel quarantine, but it turned out that because I visited him, when he got critically sick at the end, they put him in an iso ward. Then said he couldn’t have visitors until I returned one more negative COVID test (I’d already had 10 negative tests over 2 weeks but they wanted another). My negative result came in 20 hours later and 10mins after he died. In retrospect I could and should have anticipated that extra test may have been requested. And in retrospect, when I was told it was required, I firmly believe if I’d been quicker with my thoughts/words I could have negotiated an exception. But I didn’t. And he died alone. He deserved better from me.
I feel so guilty and regretful that I didn’t do better for him.
And im also angry and disgusted with ScoMo (‘it’s not a race’) and those who were so selfishly slow to get vaccinated. If our vaccination roll out had happened at a reasonable pace there would not have been interstate travel iso rules at that time.
I know others have suffered more than Dad and my family in relation to COVID iso rules, it’s been so tough for so many. One day the real cost of COVID will be realised, not only the death rate and the financial costs, but the far reaching mental heath impacts of isolation. For my part, I just can’t seem to stop being upset and angry about what happened to Dad.
We are so sorry to hear about the circumstances around your father's passing. We appreciate you finding the strength to post about your loss in our supportive community.
Grief can be difficult to process. We are now learning to deal with the fact that we can't see our loved ones anymore, and we miss them horribly. We are deserate for things to make sense, and especially for the hurt and pain inside us to make sense.
We would like to encourage you to contact the BeyondBlue Support Service on 1300 22 4636 whenever you are feeling overwhelmed or distressed. They should be able to help you find programs in your area that can help you navigate the often complex process of working through your understandable and significant grief.
We would also like to encourage you to post here as often as you wish. There are many supportive people in our community.
Hello Lou-ie, my deepest thoughts are with you for the tragic loss of your dear father, but under no circumstances should you put any blame on yourself in regards to this.
The governments decision or choice of what is available can be contentious and I don't want to argue this point, all I can say is that what happened long before has changed, although it's a very disappointing outcome.
You have every right to be upset and no one can take that away from you and it's good that you can air your feelings.
Our governments swap and change their minds, trying to gain political points, especially when an election is due, but if they want to achieve this, is by being honest to everyone, because in due course the truth will prevail.
There is a grief line you can search for, as the site won't allow me to give this to you, where you can talk with someone, 1300 845 745 and please know that there are many of us who know our family/friends have also suffered from COVID even though they have been vaccinated.
There is a Beyond Blue thread on COVID you might like to read up on.
My best to you.