Grief and loss

Support and advice following the loss of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

All discussions

Georgiesad Just had the most horrible miscarriage experience
  • replies: 2

Hi guys I just had the worst pregnancy which all feels like a whirlwind and I’m grieving, angry, sad, feel guilty and feel like I’m just cycling through these feeling constantly. Please help me. 3 weeks ago I found out I was pregnant. Other than some... View more

Hi guys I just had the worst pregnancy which all feels like a whirlwind and I’m grieving, angry, sad, feel guilty and feel like I’m just cycling through these feeling constantly. Please help me. 3 weeks ago I found out I was pregnant. Other than some light bleeding my blood test where showing good things and Dr said everything was progressing as it should. I was meant to have an ultrasound on Monday at 7weeks and imagined being scanned by the dr and seeing this little fluttering heart beat on the ultrasound. Not.what.happened. My dr immediately ordered another set of bloods and in receiving results Tuesday rang and told me I would need immediate surgery laparoscopy to look inside my stomach as he thought it was may be an ectopic pregnancy. He said that if it were he would need to remove my whole tube. As luck has it my tube was ok and I ended up having a curettage. it all happened so fast I think I was in shock now I’m at home so sore from the incisions in my tummy from the laparoscopy and no longer pregnant. im so sad and angry and lonely and lost. My husband wants to help but I find myself angry at him too.

MISSY1997 my dad is gone
  • replies: 2

My dad passed away on the 10January. it was the most saddest thing i have ever seen. the hospital didnt allow me to go and see the weekend before and didnt give me an exemption. On the Monday i received a call at 8:20am from the hospital saying they ... View more

My dad passed away on the 10January. it was the most saddest thing i have ever seen. the hospital didnt allow me to go and see the weekend before and didnt give me an exemption. On the Monday i received a call at 8:20am from the hospital saying they are giving me an exemption as he deteriorated over night, i went straight away. He was or looked like sleeping or pumped up on pain medication. he didn't open his eyes he didn't speak didnt squeeze my hand. the doctor came around 10 and said he was dying and that t could be an hour, 2 hours a day or 3 everyone was different. my dad hated hospitals and didn't want to be in there. i spoke o him held his hand and said i was sorry for everything i upset him about growing up. i told him i would look after mum and be strong for him now that he couldn't. (he told me that in November when he was last in hospital). At around lunch time, he opened his eyes fully waved at my mum and looked at me then drifted back off to sleep. my mum and i kept talking to him asking him to squeeze our hands if he could hear us, he never did. At 3pm the nurse came in. at 3:50 the nurse came back in saying they needed to move my dad to the next room because a stem cell patient was coming into the room he was in. thinking nothing because he was asleep all day i said ok. when they started to wheel his bed out of the room his eyes opened wide, the widest ive ever seen. i asked them why now if they were shut all day. they told me because they were moving him and he could probaly feel it. they assured him t would be ok and continued to the next room. his face looked strained and his mouth to the side, i yelled something is wrong help him. they got him in the room he was staring at nothing and then his eyes turned to me and looked straight at me. i was a mess telling him it was ok and that i would look after mum and be strong from him, the nurse trying to treat him. he took to big breaths as he looked at me, his face so scared and forehead worried. i kept holding his hand and telling him it was ok. its ok dad. he left us. Im trying to be strong and hold it inside but i feel like I'm drowning, and a burden to everyone. i need help Im a mess.

Amaya Lost my big bro nearly a month ago
  • replies: 5

He was nearly my twin, we were basically the same person but I'm a girl. I feel the main reason he struggled so much was because of societal expectations on males. I miss him so much. I love him. Now I'll never see him or his goofy smile again. His s... View more

He was nearly my twin, we were basically the same person but I'm a girl. I feel the main reason he struggled so much was because of societal expectations on males. I miss him so much. I love him. Now I'll never see him or his goofy smile again. His silly dumb jokes. His sweet, sincere personality. He was hard to deal with at times because of his struggles but he was truly one of the best people I have ever known. He would never want to harm anyone.

Evarosie I have lost my sister and don't know how to cope
  • replies: 13

Hi all, I have never posted in anything like this before but i just really need to pour my heart out. I lost my beautiful sister 8 weeks ago. She was 31. She died suddenly due to an accident. We were extremely close and spoke multiple times a day. We... View more

Hi all, I have never posted in anything like this before but i just really need to pour my heart out. I lost my beautiful sister 8 weeks ago. She was 31. She died suddenly due to an accident. We were extremely close and spoke multiple times a day. We shared everything and she is a huge part of who i am. I replay the morning she died over and over in my head. I will never forget it. I miss her terribly. I ache for her. I don't want to get out of bed anymore. I cry all day. I think of her constantly. I don't know how to live without her. She didnt want to die. I feel so awful for her. She would be devasted this happened to her. I want to protect her and i can't. I should of prevented this happening somehow. She was too important to be gone. I have 3 kids and i go through the motions every day but i have lost the best part of me. I feel sick that i am young and have to live through this for a long time. It cant be real. I talk to her all day. I write to her constantly. Of course she never responds. So many things we shared. So many things that only she would understand. ...its all lost. No one loves me like she does. No one understands me like she does. I just want this pain to go away and for her to speak to me. I dont know what to do anymore.

aMonsterCalls Anger and blame after suicide
  • replies: 6

My teenage son took his own life recently and I can't stop thinking that the people he was living with are to blame. Not directly but by the way they taught him to supress his emotions. I don't know what to do with these thoughts and feelings because... View more

My teenage son took his own life recently and I can't stop thinking that the people he was living with are to blame. Not directly but by the way they taught him to supress his emotions. I don't know what to do with these thoughts and feelings because they feel true but don't add up to "evidence" that I can tell the police. I'm starting counselling end of the month.

may_04 the loss of my dog
  • replies: 10

hi Six months ago, I had to put my dog down after a kidney infection. he got sick and was gone within a week. yesterday was his birthday, he would've been 10. My dog was the one thing that could always make me happy. Just being able to pat and hug hi... View more

hi Six months ago, I had to put my dog down after a kidney infection. he got sick and was gone within a week. yesterday was his birthday, he would've been 10. My dog was the one thing that could always make me happy. Just being able to pat and hug him make me feel so happy and loved. So when he was gone, I found it hard to live my day-to-day life. Recently I've been going through some weird emotions. I'm just sad and I don't know why. In times like this, I would go hug my dog or go for a walk with him and my mum, but now I hate going for walks because he's not there. My parents don't want another dog, and even if we got one, it wouldn't be the same without my dog. I just wish I had more time with him. He was meant to live another few years. I've never had to go through the death of a pet, and I never want to again. It absolutely sucks. This all may sound stupid because I'm talking about a dog and not a human, but the death of a pet is like the death of your best friend. I don't know what replies I'm looking for, just felt like telling someone about this. I hope that anyone else who has gone through anything similar is ok. We can get through this together. I wish you all love and happiness - may.

Avenue89 2021: The year of loss
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, It has taken me a lot to get here. I usually am the silent battle type who doesn't like to ask for help but as we enter a new year I have realized I can't keep going the way I am. So, I'm here. Taking my first step. Where to begin... Jan... View more

Hi everyone, It has taken me a lot to get here. I usually am the silent battle type who doesn't like to ask for help but as we enter a new year I have realized I can't keep going the way I am. So, I'm here. Taking my first step. Where to begin... January, we had to put my cat of 18 years to sleep as he was slowly dying of kidney disease. We had to say goodbye to his sister a year and a half earlier which broke my heart. May, my dad passed away in palliative care of cancer. My relationship with him was not the best. We were always fighting, I felt emotionally bullied but he was also very generous. I think we just didn't understand each other for the most part. October, I lost my job and a week later my boyfriend broke up with me. Losing the job was mostly for the best as I was unhappy there but to be broken up with a week later, hurt. He was never very affectionate and in the end it was always me who would be putting in the effort. Among all that, I just feel lost in myself. I don't know what I want to do for a career and I don't know how to motivate myself. I have dreams and goals but I feel like I'm floating through the day. I just want to be happy again.

pl515p1 Unexpected loss of my dad, my best friend. Feel I should have done more.
  • replies: 98

Hello, I feel vulnerable typing this but the words seem to be flowing as fast as my tears. A few weeks ago I found my father passed away in his bed at only 69. He was always early to rise and seize the day, yet that day I rose from my slumber before ... View more

Hello, I feel vulnerable typing this but the words seem to be flowing as fast as my tears. A few weeks ago I found my father passed away in his bed at only 69. He was always early to rise and seize the day, yet that day I rose from my slumber before him, it immediately felt wrong, and as I knocked on his door reality hit me like a brick. There, before my eyes I saw my father, a man who's strength, patience and generosity made him 11 foot tall and bulletproof to me, laying on his back in bed, so still, so still... far too still. I immediately tried to wake him by shaking him, then breathed into his mouth before beginning CPR, but as I compressed his chest I heard one of his ribs or bones make a sound which terrified me and caused me to panic, knocking over his table before running outside to call the police. I have been in denial, and keeping busy has kept a lot at bay, but in the past 6 or so days it has felt as if my entire body has caved in, I have broken down multiple times per day drenching myself in tears and searching for reasons to stay on this plane. His death was such a shock, I still recall his final words 'I'm off to bed, goodnight' I never thought in a million years, that goodnight would turn out to be goodbye. I have felt so much guilt owing to my circumstances for the past few years. See as an adult I had to go back to him for help in rebuilding my life, so he was my beacon in the dark world, raised me as a single father from a child, and now too as a man. I cannot repay what I owe to him, he sacrificed everything for me, yet only ever asked of me to be happy and live a good life. Other guilt stems from the thought that I did not provide CPR for long enough, once I heard his rib I felt as if I were hurting him and fell apart, I know that I did not hurt him, yet I cannot shake that remorse, I also regret the few days before he passed as he was so tired and lethargic, he was recently recovering from a bout of shingles and a slight chest infection so we both assumed that was the reason for his tiredness, but I feel I should have done something, forced him to go to the GP or something...I never thought he would go to bed Monday night and never wake up, I don't think he did either. I have been talking to his photo and recording myself on his phone, have asked him to take me away too, yet I know he gave too much of himself for me to throw it all away. I put on a brave face for others but his phone holds my truth, miss you man, I am trying dad.

quirkywords Do you remember a sad anniversary and if so why or why not?
  • replies: 39

When people remember anniversaries they often think of happy times like biirthdays or wedding anniversaries, but when there is grief and loss do you remember the birthday rather the day a loved one died. Or if there was a tragedy do you remember it o... View more

When people remember anniversaries they often think of happy times like biirthdays or wedding anniversaries, but when there is grief and loss do you remember the birthday rather the day a loved one died. Or if there was a tragedy do you remember it on a special date ? I do not want to trigger anyone or upset anyone but I am facing an anniversary in a couple of weeks and it will be covered in the media so not sure how I can avoid it. I am interested in how others handle the sad dates. Quirky

fifi Why can’t I let this go
  • replies: 1

Hey it’s been a long time since I have been here and it feels like my entire life has changed . It’s a long story but some back story is important for the convo so here goes . rougly 7 years ago now after a long surgery I awoke to news that still to ... View more

Hey it’s been a long time since I have been here and it feels like my entire life has changed . It’s a long story but some back story is important for the convo so here goes . rougly 7 years ago now after a long surgery I awoke to news that still to this day breaks my heart . My surgery had found that my tubes were blocked and I was labeled as infertile and instructed to either do IVF and fall pregnant or plan for a historectomy I would never be able to have a family of my own , never know the surprise of a random pregnancy . We went on the IVF road and we’re beyond blessed to welcome a little girl in 2015 and a little boy in 2018 . I can’t work out why the grief from that period won’t leave me I have worked on so many things in my life but this subject still haunts me tell me I’m not alone