Still grieving my mum
I lost my mum 17 years ago and yesterday I got completely emotional wishing she was back.
Earlier in the year I had my first baby. I just wish my mum could meet my baby.
Yesterday I started to look at baby photos of mine to compare my daughter to myself at the same age and saw all the photos of mum holding me. All this brought back memories and is what made me upset.
Mum would of loved to become a grandmother and I feel that I'm missing out on so much that she's not here.
I just don't know how I'm going to move on.
hello. I hope you get to see this message given the length of time between you post and now. In one of my jobs I will chat with people who have lost loved ones - some of these people are in the 70s and 80s and still miss their partners. I have been told you don't really get over it. That is something I don't really know.
I am sure your mum would have liked to be a grandmother. Perhaps in one way ... she is. There is probably lots you can tell your daughter about her and her story will live in your daughter as well.
Is there anyone you can talk about about what you are going through?
I am so sorry that you have lost your Mum when you were young.
I understand that you became extra sad when you looked at the beautiful
photos your Mum holding you. That pain of yours, your Mum not being able
to hold your baby must have been very strong.
My own mother died when I was 5 years old and I had the same pain as you experienced
when my first son was born, "I wanted to share him with my Mum".
Pain from missing your Mum I am sure is deep. I have developed
my own theory on emotional pain. Let the pain come up from deep inside,
cry, cry rivers and then listen inside, there can be feeling of relief, each time
a wave of pain has overcome you ... and you ride with the pain and you don't
suppress you will feel stronger afterwards.
Time will heal your wounds.
I have experienced a big blessing in my life. I met wonderful women of all
different ages who were there for me when my own Mother could not.
Perhaps if you are open to this thought, they will show up in your life too,
like an angel.
I have just finished writing my book. Writing has been VERY healing for me.
It could be an idea for you to start writing. Just start with headings and then fill
in the text (when your baby is asleep), perhaps you might like to write down happy
memories you shared with your mum. Although you might cry whilst writing and reading it
it can bring you closer to PEACE. I love to think "love cannot die".
I am sorry I can't take your pain away, but I do know how you feel.
Perhaps you might get some relief by talking to a counselor, a girlfriend or an Auntie?
All the very best.