Trying to make sense

[jyou]

Hi there, it is nice to see others thoughts if you can..

I previously lost a good mate to suicide 5 years ago.

I was a mum to very young kids and kept so much of my grieving to myself and didn't get to speak to anyone about my true feelings of grief. My husband was even closer to him and decided to head off on planned fishing trips so the mates could grieve together. I soldiered on as a busy mum and tried to brave feelings. Bloody tough, but I got through.

Plenty of emotion along the ride and I broke completely once my husband come home for a cuddle and cry (me crying!)

Now of this week, we have had a friend pass away - suicide. Not as close as previous mate, but I was absolutely distraught when someone told me about the death. I thought I would be ok, but completely broke down when told. I think I was reliving and still this week, reliving the grief from my mate from 5 years ago.... is that normal to react so emotionally....

I think I may need to talk to someone directly about my previous grief I didn't deal with. 

[Sophie_M]

Hey jyou,

Thank you for sharing this. We are sorry for your loss, both then and now. We can hear it's a really difficult time but please know you’ve taken a really brave and commendable step in sharing here.

I’m sure we’ll hear from the lovely community here soon, but in the meantime, here’s some things it might be useful to have a look at:

• Our pages on Grief and loss, including some advice on supporting yourself and reaching out
• GriefLine’s resources for those affected by Grief and loss, such as the EAST Self-care guide, which helps you to protect self-care practices that can be easily forgotten in overwhelming times

We think talking to someone is a great idea. Our lovely friends at Griefline are available 6am-midnight AEDT every day on 1300 845 745. They offer confidential counselling support, free of charge, to individuals who are experiencing loss and grief. One of the friendly counsellors will be able to offer you some support but can also provide you with advice and referrals for seeing a counsellor in a more ongoing way if this is something you might find beneficial.

Please also know that the lovely counsellors at our Beyond Blue Support Service are always available to talk through these feelings through with you too, on 1300 22 4636  or online. 

We hope that you find some comfort here from our wonderful community, and please feel free to keep us updated on how you're going, whenever you feel ready. This community is here for you, anytime.

Kind regards, 

Sophie M

[Petal22]

Hi jyou,

Im so sorry for your recent loss and also for the loss of your good mate.

I understand that sometimes when we don’t fully acknowledge and deal with the grief at the time, we can still have unresolved issues internally.

I believe that when you heard of the passing of your friend recently that it may have triggered the buried emotions that still laid dormant from 5 years ago.

I think seeing a health professional would be a good idea so you can try to process these feelings and eventually heal with their help and guidance.

[Bob_22]

Hi jyou,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for reaching out and sharing your story. I'm sorry to hear of both your friends' passings. Suicide has a devastating impact on our friends and family and grief is a human and natural response. In response to your question, it is absolutely normal to react unexpectedly when hearing such devastating news ,especially when a friend of yours passed away due to suicide 5 years ago. Something I have learned from my own family is that everyone grieves differently - there is no right or wrong way. There is no specific timeline, in fact for most people, the impact never goes away but becomes integrated into our new lives. Finally, it is okay to accept that our lives might necessarily not be the same again and that sometimes our pain can give way to a healthy sorrow.

Of course, it is important that during this process you make sure to seek support if necessary. As Sophie mentioned, both Griefline and beyond blue are great resources if you're looking to talk to someone. It might also be helpful to consult your GP who could refer you to a face to face mental health professional if necessary. This can be useful if you're looking to implement any long term strategies and is good practice to have a support team in general. There are some great resources available online also if you're interested in having a read. There is a section on the main BB website about Suicide and Grief. It has some of the common symptoms of grief and activities which help. There is also information available on the Suicide Callback service as well as supportaftersuicide.org.

Thanks again for sharing and for reaching out. Please update us with how you're going and remember that you're not alone! 💙

[ecomama]

Dear jyou, welcome to the forums. 

I think it's very real that you're emotional about 2 suicides, yes! It's sooo so sad and horrifying. I'm sorry they took their lives. I wish they hadn't and instead reached out for support. 

I'm glad you are reaching out for support. 

Kids certainly keep us busy as mamas. You may not have had any TIME to grieve when the first friend passed. 
It makes sense that this second event has happened and now you're feeling it very deeply for both of your friends. 

It also makes sense that your H got to spend time with this friends circle where they could be together, sharing times, grieving or otherwise and possibly that helped him process the loss. 

You may not have had this opportunity at all as you weren't there. It's hard to bring up our feelings of grief with others who may not understand it because they didn't know them so well. Sometimes people are so confronted with their own mortality, they react in not so helpful ways when we express ourselves about it. 

"I" lost a person 10 days ago. More like our whole Community lost him. Not a relative. He died naturally and at almost 90yo! But he was an integral part of my life for 20y and I just feel sad about losing him. 
Thankfully his darling wife is going against his wishes and having a casual Memorial get together next weekend. I'll be going for sure. We're creating a garden at work in dedication to him too. LOVE THAT. 

We all grieve in different ways but knowing what you need when sadness hits is looking after yourself. 
Self care is paramount when we're grieving. 

Hugs
EM