Dealing with GRIEF and LOSS

[Doolhof]

Hello Everyone,

I would like to open up a discussion about grief and loss, how it affects you, how you cope with it, and what you have found helpful.

You may have a poem you find comforting you might like to share with us all, a book that has been especially beneficial, advice from people, wisdom you have learnt through your own experience perhaps.

Maybe you need a place to share your grief and loss experience.

My sense of grief has been heightened recently with the anniversary of a child's death and the upcoming 1st anniversary of a family member's death.

I have found sharing on this forum has helped me immensely, as people here understand have compassion and empathy.

Long walks, writing down how I am feeling, connecting with people, gardening, reading books when the thoughts are too sad to take and other times accepting the memories has helped.

Please feel free to use this space to share your thoughts if you are comfortable to do so.

Sending you all kind thoughts as you deal with thoughts about your grief and loss.

Regards form Dools

[Doolhof]

In a pamphlet I recently picked up I read these words:

Grief is like a journey to an unknown destination that you cannot control or plan.

I believe that generally we have very little control over the actual situation that does cause us grief and I for one certainly do not plan to be in circumstances that cause grief.

If you Google the Grieving Process you will see there are debates concerning if there are 5, 7, 10 and even 12 stages to grieving. It helps to realise that grief does have stages and we can work through them.

I don't know if we are ever able to alleviate grief altogether, do we have to?

Everyone grieves in their own way in their own time. It can be comforting to understand there are stages to grief and other people experience similar to you.

[Doolhof]

Suggestions that may help with grief and grieving

- ask people for help, let them know you need some support right now

- let people know you are hurting, you don't know what to say, you just want someone to be there with you

-write down what you are feeling, create a journal for memories

-create some kind of memorial for the person or the event

-light a candle, play some soothing music (that may be heavy metal if that is what you are into)

-go for a walk

-if you are able, read up on the grieving process to know what you are experiencing happens to many people

- try to find gentle ways to look after yourself amongst the pain, hurt and confusion

- you may find some quotes, poems or songs to be comforting.

Please feel welcome to add your own suggestions here, we never know who are words are helping.

If you want to share what has not helped you in times of grief, you are welcome to do that here also.

[Doolhof]

Feelings of grief and loss can occur for many different reason, not just the death or a person or say a loved pet.

Grief can happen due to:

- an illness that greatly changes our lives

- having to move house and our usual community

-relationship breakdowns

-loosing something that is precious to us

- missing out on a job prospect or maybe a promotion

- unmet hopes and dreams

- any kind of deprivation causing us a sense of loss

- not receiving the grades we desire at school or in tests

- the loss of situations that make us feel safe and secure

- having empathy for other people's pain and world troubles

I am sure there are many different experiences that can cause us grief and a sense of loss.

If you would like to share your thoughts here you are welcome to join in.

Regards from Dools

[Ezzi]

Hello Mrs Dools. I wish you all the best with this new thread about GRIEF AND LOSS. It comes in many different forms and all people react in different ways. No two people are alike when it comes grief especially the loss of a child, stillborn or otherwise, the pain is so intense at certain times of the year. One NEVER FORGETS THEIR LOSS regardless of what others say or think otherwise. Its Your private pain. I read on some of your other posts that you have a strong faith in God. Hang onto that Mrs Dools. That's what's going to make you even stronger. I know you are a very strong woman. I can write a book on this topic and much to say .. am very limited of much I'm allowed to write so I wish you well. regards ezzi

[Doolhof]

Dear Ezzi,

Thank you so much for sharing. I can feel the pain in your words as you have shared here.

Please know, you are welcome to share your thoughts and feelings of your own experiences if you feel comfortable enough to do so.

Yes, the pain can be intense certain times of the year, to me that means we are human, we have hearts that have been broken. It does not mean we are broken!

Everyone deals with grief and loss differently, be it the death of a loved one, the breakdown of a marriage, the loss of a home due to fire or floods, or anything else that causes us to feel sorrow and pain.

Yes, I do have faith in God. That helps me immensely. It helps me realise just how human I am.

My thoughts are with you Ezzi. I hope you feel safe here on the forums!

Kind regards and empathy from Mrs. Dools

[Doolhof]

I'd like to share this poem with you all from Helen Steiner Rice.

It does contain the word GOD, for those of you who may be offended by this word, swap it for something else.

This is just a Resting Place

Sometimes the road of life seems long as we travel through the years

And, with a heart that's broken and eyes brimful of tears,

We falter in our weariness and sink beside the way,

But God leans down and whispers, "Child, there'll be another day"

And the road will grow much smoother and much easier to face,

So do not be disheartened-this is just a resting place.

I believe we can always have hope, there may be many days when we are disheartened, I hope we all have the ability to accept the sense of grief and loss and to move on. Forgetting is not always an option.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Dools, Ezzi and everyone else...🤗..

Dools, I don’t think that grief ever leaves us completely..I mean how can it...loosing a loved one, is like loosing a part of our heart..

I think, when we first loose our loved one/s permanently to death, our grief and heart ache is beyond compare to anything else..we hurt so much, for weeks, months even years...for the one we have lost...We crave for them to be with us again,,,but no amount of praying, wishing or hoping they will come back.....will bring them back....it unfortunately just doesn’t work...so we start learning to live without them, with a piece of our heart and soul missing....eventually the grief lessons, then goes into a place somewhere in our mind....

It could be years after, and we have gone on with living without them, thinking about them maybe each day, or week, or months..,without the strong grief we felt when they passed....We could think of them with a smile on our face if the remembrance is of a fun time had together...

Then we could sight something, or smell something, hear a song, or hear spoken words as we go about our everyday life..that unfortunately will take us back to a time before our loved one passed...then our grief that has been hiding for so long deep in our mind..springs to the surface...then we remember and our grief starts all over again...not as intense as we experienced when we first lost them... it still hurts us, it still consumes us, for days...We can’t help grieving for our loved ones...they always are with us..inside our soul, inside our heart...forever...Our tears are the love we had and still have for them...our love for them, will never leave us....neither will our tears ever leave us, or our grief never leave us...Our tears are, in a way...the only way that we can releases all that built up love we have for them...

Just my thoughts dear Dools, Ezzi and everyone...

Love never dies...it’s eternal...💚..

Kind thoughts everyone, with my care, love and hugs..🦋💜🤗..

Grandy...

[Doolhof]

Hi Grandy,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts here. We all cope with and deal with grief differently.

You are so right about the occurrences that can bring on feelings of grief and remembering loved ones.

I like that the same can happen to remind us of happy memories and special moments.

My Mum recently made a type of cake I have not eaten since childhood. The smell of the cake brought back memories of the old kitchen, always having something to eat after school and feeling excited to have one of my favourite cakes that day.

Thanks again for sharing your thoughts here. Regards from Dools

[Moonstruck]

A while since you wrote it but just saw your post here. There must be something wrong with me. my partner died mid 2020..he was the only man who treasured me enough to tell and show my worth to him often.

I have had men leave me or not love me enough...I was always "Not good enough". Until this man. He would never have left me in that sense. He died.

I have not been "happy" or felt safe since. Nothing really "touches" me deep inside any more..i am always empty and cannot fill the space.

My age means my body is beginning to let me down and cannot enjoy all my former activities to fill the void.

I would never have retired from my casual job if I had known he would die and leave me alone and without reason to carry on.

My friends don't know how bad I feel. I would not know how to tell them and have them feel uncomfortable.

Others seem to handle grief.better than I can. I feel inadequate and a failure not to be coping more and enjoying life. How long does this last? I don't see my life getting any better than this...