Feeling lost & alone.

[Chocolate59]

New here, so I'll try and just give a brief outline of why I'm on here. 

I'm divorced from an alcoholic & but it took me 20 years to get the nerve to leave. Thankfully I became the Mum of a puppy a year or so before I left & thankfully he gave me the courage to throw what I could in my car & drive away whilst he was out getting drunk again. We'd had another of our many arguments & I knew it wasn't going to be good when he eventually cane home.  I rang a friend & drove to her house, parking out of sight.  Her husband gave us some space to talk & she made a bed up for me - no dogs allowed inside.  The thing was my little dog was used to being inside & couldn't work out why I had left him in the car. After all was quite I snuck out with a blanket & cuddled up to him for the night. My friend knew, but thankfully understood & didn't mention it. 

I had no idea where to go as my ex would never give up our home for me & I just wanted a safe place to have some piece. He hadn't shown any anger issues up until we'd been married for about 6 - 8mths. His first big outburst left me shaken on the bathroom floor with him still screaming at me & kicking me. I had stupidly thought 7pm dinner meant 7pm.  Hours past 7 he came home drunk for his Hot Dinner & I said it's keeping warm on the stove & why was he late for it ?  That was the beginning of my learning to live with a heavy drinker.  

I'm going to leave it here as I've over written on the beginning - I was 20yrs old & very naive - he was 28. 

 I'll add more when I hopefully can get more confident in here.

- Dogs Are No One. 

If you've read this far, thank you. 

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Chocolate 59…

A very warm and caring welcome to our forums….

I am so sorry that you had to go through that….

I married at 18 years old to a person who treated me okay until we married….the night of our marriage..I will never forget his words, that first night together he ripped up our marriage certificate and said I’m now his….He changed almost over night….38 years later he passed away, I was too scared to leave him, my children went through hell because of me…I was never brave enough to leave him….I am so very proud of you for being brave enough to do that…you are truely a survivor……

I have 3 dogs….dogs are allowed on here…I often mention them in my posts….I would have done the same as you did…grabbing a blanket and sleeping with them in the car….being with your beautiful dog is you feeling safe, loved, needed and cared for…they are amazing creatures….

I can relate to some of your words, although my husband wasn’t an alcoholic he was as narcissistic as they come….many times I had dinner prepared for him at his set time of 6pm, only for him to come home late, dinner was spoilt by then and it was my fault…he wouldn’t eat it and I would have to make another dinner for him…regardless of the time he came home…..I think, no, I know if he hadn’t passed away them I would still be trapped in my marriage…..You done the right thing…by leaving him…you deserve respect, love and care…nothing less then that…You really are in my eyes a very brave and beautiful person…

I am so pleased that you have your beautiful fur baby with you…they really can be a great comfort for us…

Thinking of you with kindness, respect and care..

Grandy..

[Chocolate59]

Thank you so much for letting me know I'm not so alone. It really means a lot to me.  I will write more later when I'm more confident.  Give your dogs a hug from me. Best Buddies in life 🐶 

Take care of you.  Hugs. 🍀 Chocolate59

[Ggrand]

Dear Chocolate 59,

Thank you for the hugs….I appreciate them so much…

No hurry to reply sweetheart…in your own time…just know I’m here for you when I can be…

Take good care of yourself and your dog….Hugs returned 🤗🤗🤗🤗..

Grandy..

[David35]

First of all, well done for removing yourself from a hopeless and helpless situation. Only an alcoholic can fix themselves. I know, I've been one and went to AA to get better. I was in denial for years until I could see the relationships I was ruining with my parents. That's a brave decision on your part. Alcoholics are the emotional arsonists. They say sorry the next day and then repeat the cycle. Sorry to hear about the abuse, but at least you're safe now. Keep surrounding yourself with a safe group of people who respect your boundaries. Wish you all the best.

[Mushroom]

Thank you.. very belated.   Life gets super busy & going over old emails I found your thoughtful reply.  It made my day.  People can be kind. Really have to search for them though. 

[Mushroom]

looking back  I found your reply.

Thank you so much. Life has always been on the move since then. I hope you have found happiness - your words mean so much 

My little dog has passed of old age ,,- I am now just looking forward to joining him away from cruel  & selfish people. Miss him so much - my little warrior 💓

[TrueSeeker]

Hello Mushroom

I'm so sorry for you loss. It's definitely heart breaking losing our faithful companion. I hope that you're having a bit of break from unpleasant people as they can make it all more difficult. Please don't give up on goodness in people, kind people do exist and sometimes they show up when we least expect it. We just need to be out there and be open to it.

I hope that things will get better for you, please let us know how you're going whenever you feel like it

[Mushroom]

Thank you. So much  

[Mushroom]

Sadly history repeats itself when you keep saying yes to people you love. I've moved several times and now at 66 I feel I've given all I have. I've lost the will to keep trying & just live - exist - from day to day. Health has declined. Still miss my little Buddy 🐶 and people hurt. Not a day goes by I just wish it would all end. That sounds terrible but trying on my own 😔  I don't know why it ended like this except for my naivety of someone caring enough to want to have my back. I get more scared of living than dying every time another human hurts me. It feels like me against the world. I feel very few people really care about anyone but themselves. I'm tired of being me. 

I'm tired of asking & feeling like a burden. One day at a time 😪  🤞🏻