Doesn't EXIST - no grave or marker for my baby twin brother

[JesseKat]

I've always known I was one of twins. My wee brother John died 24 hours old. My Dad was the only one to see him. We were born 12 weeks prem. There is no grave or marker for John. My Dad said he went up in smoke like comes out of a chimney. I've now found out theres no record for him either. No stillborn record looked. No birth certificate record looked. No death certificate record looked. My wee twin John who is part of me , been part of me all my life, who has lived with me. Never recorded? Is there no official paperwork for wee John. Are we the family the only ones who know. So that when we all die no one will know he was. I have no one to ask my parents are now dead . Him and I against the world and against and for each other. Funny but he and I have had a love and hate relationship all along. He's me and I'm him.

[Chris_B]

Hi JesseKat, welcome back to the forums. When you were last here, you had just lost your big brother to a rare form of Alzheimers. How have you been coping over the past year?

I've had a look online, and you should be able to find some support groups and information if you google the term 'twinless twin'. It is very common for people who have lost a twin brother or sister, even at birth, to retain feelings of loss throughout their lives. There's even a Wikipedia entry which sums up a lot of the feelings you've described above.

Is there any way you can create your own memorial space for your brother?

[Jacko777]

Hi JesseKat,

As you say, your brother is in your heart, sometimes you will love him, other times you will miss him. I practice thinking of my lost family with love, rather than miss them and over time this mindset has become my norm.

As Chris B has said you could create a public memory of your brother. It's not only you that knows now, you have shared it with us and where can you go from here? Make it official, I think you could make a short film, a Youtube post or write a book. Do it for yourself and for John, get recording, you can honor your twin by being awesome!   

Jacko