Grief and loss

Support and advice following the loss of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Announcement Icon
You can win one of three $200 gift cards. Complete our survey by 5pm, 30 June 2024 AEST to enter the draw. Your response will be anonymous so you can't be identified.

Pinned discussions

Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

All discussions

JesseKat I've lost my brother
  • replies: 1

He's gone. He lost the fight this morning with his family around him , singing his favourite song. He's not suffering or in pain anymore. He's finally at peace. My big brother was only 60 years old , married with 3 fantastic children . My brother ser... View more

He's gone. He lost the fight this morning with his family around him , singing his favourite song. He's not suffering or in pain anymore. He's finally at peace. My big brother was only 60 years old , married with 3 fantastic children . My brother served his country and retired from the Australian Army. He also served this great Country of ours overseas as well. My brother was a great soldier and this was not the way a great soldier should die. He deserved better. I SALUTE you my big brother. I am so proud of you. My brother suffered from a very rare form of Alzheimers , he had it less than 8 years. In the last 2 months it advanced so fast , so quickly. Even in the last week he went down even further. On Friday the Doctors said he wouldn't last the weekend. Well he just went over. We have lost a great man , a great soldier , a loving brother , a fantastic husband and father. A person taken to soon. I lost my Mum nearly 3 years ago and now a brother. My Mum always said " Only the Good die young ". Well my brother was one of good ones , one of the best people you could meet and know. My brother never smoked , never drank , ate only healthy food and was one of the fittest people I know. He should of lived till he was 100. Thank you all for the kind words . I Salute you my big brother. I will always love you. I was so proud of you . You were a fantastic brother to a little sister. Bye for now bro . the

Miss_Tess 10months since my mother passed away... still feeling lost
  • replies: 3

Hi im new to this site/forum and seeking people to talk to about my depression and anxiety. My name is Tess and im 26yrs old.10months ago my mother passed away from bowel cancer. I was her carer for 2yrs. I stopped my life to care for her, quit my jo... View more

Hi im new to this site/forum and seeking people to talk to about my depression and anxiety. My name is Tess and im 26yrs old.10months ago my mother passed away from bowel cancer. I was her carer for 2yrs. I stopped my life to care for her, quit my job, moved from Victoria where i had set up my life and was living with my now ex partner and moved back home to Sydney. I have suffered from panic attacks/ anxiety/depression on and off for the last 5yrs but it has gotten worse since mums death. I am on medication and seeking help with doctors etc... im finding it hard to be happy lately, i have recently met a new man and he makes me happy and treats me right. i have also recently moved in with him and his parents. I got a job in october as a respite carer, i pushed myself to get this job so i could get everyone off my back about getting a job. well i am struggling and not wanting to go to work i stress about it so bad that i lose alot of sleep over it. Im also so paranoid that my boyfriend will leave me because i am depressed all the time even though he lets me talk about my feelings and tries to help me and says he will be here for me no matter what. I looking for some support or someone who has or is going through sort of the same thing as me and what plans you have made to get better. Thank you so much for your help.

JesseKat I'M LOSING MY BIG BROTHER.
  • replies: 2

This weekend I'm just waiting for the phone to ring. It will tell me he is dead !!!!!! I've been told he won't last the weekend but he's hanging on an on. My brother is a fighter he sure is not giving up without a hell of a fight. I lost my Mum 2 yea... View more

This weekend I'm just waiting for the phone to ring. It will tell me he is dead !!!!!! I've been told he won't last the weekend but he's hanging on an on. My brother is a fighter he sure is not giving up without a hell of a fight. I lost my Mum 2 years next month and now my brother. I don't want him to go but I know he will. I'm not coping very well at all. He's not even dead yet and I can't stop crying all the time.

Djellie Still struggling to cope after the death of my husband
  • replies: 3

Hi This is my first post here and figured this would be a therapeutic thing to do after a bad day.... My husband of 7 years became ill ten days after our second daughter was born. I'm sick of retelling the story but with a newborn, two year old and a... View more

Hi This is my first post here and figured this would be a therapeutic thing to do after a bad day.... My husband of 7 years became ill ten days after our second daughter was born. I'm sick of retelling the story but with a newborn, two year old and a husband heading for ICU and family members arriving left right and center it was the begining of what life would be like over the next three years. My husband (I'm not sure if you use names here so I'll just keep it formal for now), never recovered and at 25 I became a full time carer and mother for the next three years. I lost my husband in June of 2012 and sometimes the pain of his loss can come shooting back down my spine in an instant. I did receive 16 weeks of grief counselling and it was really useful, in many ways I have picked my self and my girls up off the floor and started moving forward and I was even close to being happy for a little while. But then life started to catch up to me and I'm struggling again. I had an incredibly rude GP tell me I was gaining weight (and the look of disgust on her face made me feel like I had gained 100kg). I was shocked as I was still a size 10 and I exercise regularly. Watching my husbands body break down certaintly ingrained to eat healthy so I couldn't understand how that was possible. Thank fully I found a new gp who measured me and I am smack in the middle of the recoomended BMI scale and told me not to loose a thing, which is great but ever since this event it's like she is haunting me. I constantly find myself checking my appearance and weight. Constantly worrying if I eat slightly unhealthy am I going to gain weight. I've become obsessed with it but the weird thing is underneath the obsession of my weight, I know I am fine. So why do I keep fussing about how look? It's driving me crazy as I have never been one to put my self image down as much as I am and I don't like this change in my confidence. It will be hard to raise two confident girls if their mother is a basket case about such trivial things! I've recently lost a close friendship as they couldn't adjust to who I am now as to who I was when my husband was still alive. I carry guilt about this as if its entirely my fault. I tried to sell our family home to start fresh in a new place with new memories and I got screwed by the real estate agent and my lawyer. I'm still in our home but $2000 down. I beat myself up for this everyday. I hate the thought of loosing money over trusting people I shouldn't have. Then christmas has come and gone and its our second one without him here and I think it will always be a hard time of year. Trying to sell the house took a lot of my already single mum pressed time and now I am behind on my study and starting to stick my head in the sand about it..... which is so productive of me! But mostly I've noticed this week those old symptoms of wanting to sleep longer then I need, withdrawing form socialazing and bascially just wanting to be at home alone and being quiet snappy to my girls are back. I went to church this morning which usually makes me happy. (I'm proud of leaving behind a church that was really judgemental to find a place that lifts me up not drags me down). But today all I could see in front of me was couples hugging and touching. The couple directly in front me almost made me scream in the middle of the service because she wouldn't stop running her fingers through her husbands hair and stroking his back. It was driving me crazy. I miss being a wife, I miss having someone else who cares about the children as much as I do. I miss having another decision maker in the house, every decision is up to me now. I miss the most mundane and boring things in life like him driving the car while I got to sit in the passenger seat gazing out the window. I have no time for window gazing now and most importanty I don't have my best friend cheering me on from the sidelines. Telling me I'm beautiful and that the GP is wrong, stepping in when people are overstepping. I've been left alone in everything, the good and the bad. My youngest starts school this year and her life has flashed before my eyes because it has been nothing since drama after drama since she was born and I'm really struggling with my husband not being there on her first day of school and me coming home to an empty house. I'm not sure if I need to go back to more counselling or if I'm just having a bad month but I do know that writing some of this down has helped. So if you've made it this far, thank you for listening!!

Simone1974 My mum recently passed away and I'm struggling to cope
  • replies: 5

My mum recently passed away and I'm struggling to cope. Been having panic attacks and my anxiety is sky high. Am seeing a councilor and have been to see my doctor. Never been through grief before. It's just horrible. Any tips to help would be appreci... View more

My mum recently passed away and I'm struggling to cope. Been having panic attacks and my anxiety is sky high. Am seeing a councilor and have been to see my doctor. Never been through grief before. It's just horrible. Any tips to help would be appreciated

Chris D I miss my grandmother
  • replies: 4

It was Australia Day last year when this person in my life passed away in the late afternoon on this supposibly happy day. It was a warmish day everyone new it would be anytime and anyday now that she would pass away. She was an absolutely beautiful ... View more

It was Australia Day last year when this person in my life passed away in the late afternoon on this supposibly happy day. It was a warmish day everyone new it would be anytime and anyday now that she would pass away. She was an absolutely beautiful person that was nice to be around. I remember mum coming home after being out all day and walking up to me and saying that "your grandmother has passed away just now". I stood there for what seemed like an eternity with this blank look on my face, my face turning white as a big fluffy white cloud in the sky. The tears swelled up i slowly walked up the hallway to my room closing door behind me and sitting on my bed in shock. I think of her on a weekly basis, i visit her plot at the cemetary to put in some fresh colourful flowers. This person may have passed away but the memories live on in each of us. She used to give us cruskits as young kids when we visit thier house in town, my grandpa is still alive but in a nursing home he drinks abit of ginger beer and whiskey each day which we all think is a bit funny but we all know it is his way coping without my grandmother. She was 85. Kind Rgeards Chris

Beetle Friend died suddenly yesterday.I feel numb. Is this normal?
  • replies: 6

I just lost a friend yesterday. She had an accident. I feel nothing. I am numb. This freaks me out.I feel i am a freak since i am numb.Is this normal? I am on SNRI's and wonder if they can block feelings especailly negative feelings?Or does my body j... View more

I just lost a friend yesterday. She had an accident. I feel nothing. I am numb. This freaks me out.I feel i am a freak since i am numb.Is this normal? I am on SNRI's and wonder if they can block feelings especailly negative feelings?Or does my body just protect itself by not allowing me to feel grief ?( i had 3 funerals this year already) Thanks for your help Beetle

Elias 4 years on ,still grieving.
  • replies: 1

Lost my only son 3 and half years ago to suicide.keeping all my feeling to myself,acting that I am fine in front of my wife and daughter,but I just had enough.is there anyone that had similar experience.

Lost my only son 3 and half years ago to suicide.keeping all my feeling to myself,acting that I am fine in front of my wife and daughter,but I just had enough.is there anyone that had similar experience.

mash lost in grief and depression
  • replies: 4

This is a first post for me . my husband of 34 years died of a heart attack 2 months ago this was devestating. I have nightmares of those lasts minutes seeing the many ambulance officers jabbing him with needles etc. It felt like I was on auto pilot ... View more

This is a first post for me . my husband of 34 years died of a heart attack 2 months ago this was devestating. I have nightmares of those lasts minutes seeing the many ambulance officers jabbing him with needles etc. It felt like I was on auto pilot for ages and I was coping but after the funeral it became harder it was like someone had ripped away half of me my stronger half was gone my identity was gone my place in the world was gone I didn't know who I was as a single person, I still don't. I constatly cried uncrontroled especially at night never liked people to see me this way I was the one people came to for help I didn't really know who or how to ask for me. l got intouch with a free councilor after a few sessions I told her every night I thought of suicide even had a plan. then before I new I was having a panic attack but really thought it was a heart attack. I ended up in emergency then the mental health ward for 2 weeks under suicide watch. This alone was another nightmare it felt like I was being punished for telling someone how I felt I was in jail I lost control over my life nobody even myself trusted me. I am at home now struggling again with thoughts of suicide and feeling useless the doctors say its complicated grief depression and anxiety. please this is not all of my story is there anyone who has been through this I need to know there is light up there I keep sinking lower and lower each day. Mental health unit are setting up support and I have found a different councilor I feel I can trust and talk to but I seem to go backwards most nights. I have never been alone or a single person before I feel lost don't know who I am don't know if or where I fit in the world.

Debz89 i lost my mum who had been sick for over 10 years
  • replies: 4

My ex has been in jail now for almost 2 years. i was with him and dedicated to staying with him there was no doubt about it. A year into him being in jail i lost my mum who had been sick for over 10 years. Losing my mum really hit me and up until tod... View more

My ex has been in jail now for almost 2 years. i was with him and dedicated to staying with him there was no doubt about it. A year into him being in jail i lost my mum who had been sick for over 10 years. Losing my mum really hit me and up until today i still havent dealt with losing her, it will be a year next week. This changed things for me so much i ended things with my ex. At this point i wasnt looking for another relationship but found one anyway. Ive been with him for a while now but recently my feelings came back for my ex. It has been so hard for me because i have felt so torn between both of them, it wasnt fair to either of them i know. I spoke to my partner and told him the situation and it crushed him. He knows about mu ex and all the dramas there. So ive been talking to my family about it who where close to my ex, and i feel like they are judging me and trying to push my ex back on me. I just feel so over whemed and since making the decision to stay with my new guy one my family members arent too happy about it. I just feel so alone right now, the people that are suppose to be there for you through thick and thin and support you regardless of the choices you make. To judge you when they dont know how your feeling or even understand. i have no friends lost contact with them after i finished school so i dont have anyone to talk to.