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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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Reanna85 Loss of my baby, why am I still here???
  • replies: 4

Hi, I am only new to this but I feel like I need help and only feel comfortable talking to strangers. My husband and I were expecting our first baby three years ago. We were so excited but at 38 weeks I noticed she wasn't moving much so I went to the... View more

Hi, I am only new to this but I feel like I need help and only feel comfortable talking to strangers. My husband and I were expecting our first baby three years ago. We were so excited but at 38 weeks I noticed she wasn't moving much so I went to the doctor and they bluntly told me "there is no heartbeat". I didn't understand and then had to deliver my baby girl the next day, she wasn't crying, she was so still. My husband and I rarely talk about it, and have since had two healthy children, but I have suffered depression since my first. I tried to speak to several councillors but never felt comfortable. Meditation etc may help for some people but it isn't for me. Now my depression is affecting the relationship with my husband and kids. I am always angry and feel stuck in a rut. I don't even know how to explain the way I feel or explain what it is doing to my family but I don't want to lose my husband, and I want my kids to remember me as a happy mum, not who I am now. I carry on life like everything is normal to my extended family. My parents and siblings have no idea how I feel, they see me smile and think everything is ok, but don't know that I think about ending my life on a daily basis. I have no friends, I have never really had friends. I feel so alone in my thoughts and would love some guidance on what to do? I think my kids are better off without me with me in this state of mind....

Darkness_within My childhood sweetheart cheated on me and now I'm so broken
  • replies: 6

My "boyfriend" and I are both 29 and have been together since we were 14 I know we were way too young but we loved each other and have spent 15 great years together......well I thought they were I found out last week that he was having an online affa... View more

My "boyfriend" and I are both 29 and have been together since we were 14 I know we were way too young but we loved each other and have spent 15 great years together......well I thought they were I found out last week that he was having an online affair. He has spent the last 2 months constantly messaging and calling a woman he met on an online gaming site. We had our confrontation and we have been really honest with each other about all that happened. We have decided that for now we will TRY and work through it but we both know it might not work. I just can't stop feeling this overwhelming grief and despair, I can't function normally no matter how much I've tried. i've lost 4kg in a week because of nausea I can't eat, I can't sleep properly, I lose my train of thought every 2 seconds, I've had to have time off work because I cant think straight (I'm a kindy teacher) and I just have so much anxiety. I don't really know what I'm trying to achieve with this thread but it feels good to even write it down. I feel like I can't talk to my friends or family because they will just judge my partner negatively and tell me what to do which right now I'm not ready to hear. I feel so alone

Brett_Murphy Four weddings and a funeral - my own story
  • replies: 0

On the 15th of this month, it will be 19 years since my mum's death. I thought I understood grief until I lost my best mate earlier this year. I have finally looked for help and mantherapy and beyondblue have been a part of that. I have started to wr... View more

On the 15th of this month, it will be 19 years since my mum's death. I thought I understood grief until I lost my best mate earlier this year. I have finally looked for help and mantherapy and beyondblue have been a part of that. I have started to write my story ... It all started with 'Four weddings and a funeral' ... http://teachbrett.blogspot.com/

Redmk78 My Story
  • replies: 2

I'm here because i am at abit of a loss of what to do. I feel so alone at the moment. My situation is that we ( my fiance and I ) have lost 3 people who we were close to in a short space of time (7 months) . My partner and I were careers for his dad ... View more

I'm here because i am at abit of a loss of what to do. I feel so alone at the moment. My situation is that we ( my fiance and I ) have lost 3 people who we were close to in a short space of time (7 months) . My partner and I were careers for his dad who suffered from MND, we moved in with his dad june last year and were both looking after him until he lost his battle with MND in November just gone, on the same day we also lost my sister's mother in law who i lived with for a short time years ago, we weren't close but still she was family. We were greiving and getting thru things together, and things were looking up but in May this year my nan past away. The day before she past I was talking to my fiance about going to see her on the weekend as i hadn't seen her in a while, she was ravenged with Alzhemiers and dementia and i was really scared about how she would receive me . The next day I get the call that she has passed. I had so much guilt about her passing , but the thing that annoyed me the most was that i felt that my partner hasn't really been there for me during this time . During the time when we were caring for my father in law i stood side by side with my fiance, i was there every step of the way - yet, when i'm going thru the same grief for my nan, he's not there for me. Im not close to my mum and dad, i have a sister that talks about nothing but herself non-stop, and i dont really have any friends. I definately suffer from SAD, but now that the sun has come back and its spring i should be happy again but im not.. i've never sort any help from a professional but I think maybe i should ?

Kat1234 Great stress in life and meds not working
  • replies: 4

I've suffered from depression/anxiety for several decades. I've mostly been able to manage this with medication, but now I feel overwhelmed. I separated from my husband 6 months ago, which has been very, very sad and difficult but I managed, more or ... View more

I've suffered from depression/anxiety for several decades. I've mostly been able to manage this with medication, but now I feel overwhelmed. I separated from my husband 6 months ago, which has been very, very sad and difficult but I managed, more or less. Now my elderly mother's recent illness has left me completely wrung out and I feel like I'm spiralling down. I have a grown-up daughter but no other family or friends. I have work colleagues who have been kind to me, but none of these relationships go beyond work. The free counselling sessions provided by my employer have almost run out. I feel cut off from everything and exhausted...just registering on Beyondblue and writing this has taken an enormous effort. I just can't see how I'm going to keep going.

Pax1960 My mother died last year and I was the strong one
  • replies: 2

Hi all. I feel like an interloper because your stories seem much worse than mine, but I still hate what my life has become lately. My mother died last year and I was the strong one, organising everything but as soon as it was all finished I collapsed... View more

Hi all. I feel like an interloper because your stories seem much worse than mine, but I still hate what my life has become lately. My mother died last year and I was the strong one, organising everything but as soon as it was all finished I collapsed into depression and was off work for months. I was given medication. I took these for 4 months but had side effects i.e. sudden spasms at night, nausea when I yawned, no sex drive, etc. I have been off tablets for 5 months. This is how I feel: I have no desires, I don't look forward to anything, I cant get motivated to do things I have always enjoyed. I cant enjoy a sunny day or a funny moment. I wake in the morning feeling tiny tremors in my head and as I am getting ready for work I start seriously analising how I am feeling and I get myself into a state of anxiety trying not to feel anxious. I have a tightness around my head like a vice, not painful but constant and I often get hot prickly sensations in the back of my head. My legs get uncomfortable behind the knees like poor circulation or something. My world seems to be shrinking. I don't know if I am getting dementia or Parkinsons or am suffering from anxiety or depression. And generally in the evenings I feel better but still have the tightness in my head. Just want my normal self back and erase the last 12 months.

Kels_ 2 years ago my older sister died in a car crash
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone im new to this but im lost and need some help or advice. so about 2 years ago my older sister died in a car crash she was only 18. It hit me very hard because we were so close. In high school I got support from friends and teachers so I w... View more

Hi everyone im new to this but im lost and need some help or advice. so about 2 years ago my older sister died in a car crash she was only 18. It hit me very hard because we were so close. In high school I got support from friends and teachers so I was able to get by but when I left everything suddenly became too much and I kind of stopped caring about everything important and instead spent most of my time going out getting drunk with friends. This year my behaviour is less destructive but instead i've almost withdrawn and struggle to find a reason to get out of bed. I honestly cant remember what it feels like to be happy for a whole day. Ive completely changed i used to always be so happy and full of energy. I've been to my GP and I had counselling for a while but it didn't seem to help and I feel I only said what I thought they wanted me to say. I'm not very big on sharing my feelings I hate the vulnerability. I cant even talk to my friends and family about it so at the moment I just feel so lonely and that nobody understands. I feel so pointless. Can anyone give me some hope for the future that things will get better? Thanks for taking the time to read, it means a lot.

geoff my little white dog
  • replies: 20

my beautiful little dog on the right has had an operation to remove cancer, but it came back aggressively and developed lumps so I had to put her down this morning with great sadness, and yes I was crying non stop and whether or not I will respond in... View more

my beautiful little dog on the right has had an operation to remove cancer, but it came back aggressively and developed lumps so I had to put her down this morning with great sadness, and yes I was crying non stop and whether or not I will respond in the next couple of days, only time will tell. Geoff.

skeeter Multiple Loss
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I'm new here and thought I would share some of my story with you, in case it helps anyone else. I am a 73 year old woman whose partner of 36 years died in July 2005. In May 2009 my eldest daughter died in a motorcycle accident. She was 48. In... View more

Hi all, I'm new here and thought I would share some of my story with you, in case it helps anyone else. I am a 73 year old woman whose partner of 36 years died in July 2005. In May 2009 my eldest daughter died in a motorcycle accident. She was 48. In February 2011 my other daughter died from a blood clot, she was also 48 at the time. Somewhere in there I also lost my burmese cat of 18 years, I adored him. I never felt like I was suffering from depression, and am still not sure if I am now, but because I am having health issues and have lost friends to cancer and the like I feel like the pain is never ending. Losses are only to be expected at my age I guess but life does seem very unfair at times. Thanks for listening.

Neeky85 4 weeks this week since my Nonna passed away from Cancer
  • replies: 4

It will be 4 weeks this week since my Nonna passed away from Cancer. A day/night that has changed my life forever. On her last day, so many family members came in and out to visit her and say their final goodbyes. It wasn't until dinner time that mos... View more

It will be 4 weeks this week since my Nonna passed away from Cancer. A day/night that has changed my life forever. On her last day, so many family members came in and out to visit her and say their final goodbyes. It wasn't until dinner time that most family members went home to get dinner, leaving only Me, My Mum and My Sister with my Nonna. All day I just wanted to sit by her side, hold her hand and just watch her and I finally got the chance. It was at this time that my Mum said some words to her mum(my Nonna). She also said to her that it was ok for her to let go and be at peace. Within 5 minutes of Mum saying that she passed away. I was holding my Nonna's hand when she passed away. I remember her breathing changing and knowing that she was going to pass away soon. I always thought that I would be so scared to be in a situation like that, but I felt so calm. The moment she stopped breathing everything went silent and I could feel this sensation through me. When the nurses came to fix her up before family came back I didn't want to leave her side. I knew she was gone but I just felt this need to protect her.. During the week after she passed away My sister and I helped mum with some funeral arrangements(Picking clothes out for Nonna to wear, Music, Photos, Eulogy). The day of the funeral came and my boyfriend and I were busy making sure the music was right, that the photo presentation went right and I'm not sure if it was because I was pre occupied that I didn't cry much on the day. We are now going on 4 weeks since she passed and I still haven't cried much. I don't know if that is normal or not. Some family members say that when she passed away she gave me the gift of her strength(which was that sensation I felt), some say it takes time and some say it could be because I haven't accepted it. I have moments where I feel like I am a terrible person because I am not grieving for her like others. Since she passed I feel like I have to be strong for Mum, My sister and other family members because they need the most support. I feel like when it's my time to mourn I will do so. Not a day goes by where I haven't thought about her, sometimes it still feels surreal that she has gone. My heart aches with so much sadness. I just don't know if it's normal to not cry over someone who You loved so much and had 28 wonderful years with. I don't know if I am in denial about it all, stronger then others at the moment, or am still trying to process it all and in time it will hit me. I would love to hear opinions or from other people who may feel the same way.