Grief and loss

I can't get over the murder of my father then the death of my partner

replies: 5

In 2010 August the 20th my father was murdered the guy that did this was arrested and after 3 years of court was found Not Guilty due to mental health he was sent to goal under the NSW mental health team. While going through my fathers murder trial o... View more

In 2010 August the 20th my father was murdered the guy that did this was arrested and after 3 years of court was found Not Guilty due to mental health he was sent to goal under the NSW mental health team. While going through my fathers murder trial on The 18th January 2011 my partner of 3 wonderful years passed away in my arms and I could not revive him . Now 5 years after my dad's murder and 4 years the death of my partner I am still well I don't know what I am? I have 3 wonderful children daughter 31 son 29 daughter 15 and I have 5 wonderful grand kids . My son and his family moved interstate and I am missing them so much. I think I need some help I have had counselling and on medication this dose not seem to help I have isolated my self from my family choosing to stay at home and visit them very little now on the other hand I am drinking a lot more now with friends at the pub and do this at least 2 nights in a row every fortnight some times every week I have been to visit my son and my grand kids a few times but when I leave i am very up set crying for hours while driving home .people say they admire me for my strength and the way I have got through it all as in the April of 2011 3months after the death of my partner I started full time work I know people think I am strong but to be honest I am no were near strong I am at my wits end and don't know how to get out of this spiral down turn I am on I don't talk to my kids much anymore and I know they feel that iam still hurting very bad please help me how do I get over this How do I return to the happy person I was before all this I don't know can someone please help me to return to the happy go lucky person I was and to re open the communication I had with everyone in my life I help people every day in my job but can't help myself ?? Most of the time I sit in my lounge room on my own watching TV but not really watching some times I can go all night and all day without even talking a word I need to get my life back please help me find my way back some how ???? I love my children and family so much but feel I have lost the ability to talk to them I am the eldest of 4 children and my family always turn to me when there is a problem as I am a fix it person and fix everything I can for them why can't I fix myself beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

Lost my brother to depression

replies: 2

5 moths ago I got a phone call from my father one of the worst calls you could ever get he called to tell me that my brother had taken his own life witch was crazy because he was the happiest guy and loved everyone still struggle with knowing that he... View more

5 moths ago I got a phone call from my father one of the worst calls you could ever get he called to tell me that my brother had taken his own life witch was crazy because he was the happiest guy and loved everyone still struggle with knowing that he's not coming back I don't want any farther mother sister brother to feel the loss that I have felt to know that I could have done something to change that day so I am on here to try and help anyone who is struggling and know that you are important and it's ok to say I'm not ok

Lost my brother to depression

replies: 2

5 moths ago I got a phone call from my father one of the worst calls you could ever get he called to tell me that my brother had taken his own life witch was crazy because he was the happiest guy and loved everyone still struggle with knowing that he... View more

5 moths ago I got a phone call from my father one of the worst calls you could ever get he called to tell me that my brother had taken his own life witch was crazy because he was the happiest guy and loved everyone still struggle with knowing that he's not coming back I don't want any farther mother sister brother to feel the loss that I have felt to know that I could have done something to change that day so I am on here to try and help anyone who is struggling and know that you are important and it's ok to say I'm not ok

My grief seems to be getting worse

replies: 3

I lost my partner of 27 years on May 12th. My sorrow seems to be getting worse with every day that passes.Is this normal?

Double layer struggle. PTSD 4 years and then Grief after illness and death of husband 2 years

replies: 1

Hi, About four years ago I was diagnosed as having Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as a result of a series of unpleasant incidents to do with my work. About two years into that, my husband developed brain tumours and became progressively more ill. My ... View more

Hi, About four years ago I was diagnosed as having Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as a result of a series of unpleasant incidents to do with my work. About two years into that, my husband developed brain tumours and became progressively more ill. My poor man died late last year. Prior to his death, I had treatment for the PTSD paid for by the workplace insurers through WorkCover rules and regulations. Several types of treatment were tried and though no doubt good for others, they were not effective for me, or caused other issues. I have since seen items on the use of Neurofeedback for PTSD, including a military study showing high effective outcomes, and an item on Catalyst indicating good results for a traumatised migrant male. My question is, does anyone have any experience of the effectiveness of this type of treatment, and where were they able to access it? I'm in an isolated country area, so any treatment means having to travel, with all the costs that entails. Thanks, I wish all of you the best possible future. PhoebeEmily

Loss of my daughter and only child

replies: 3

Hi I lostmy daughter Ashleigh, August 7th 2009.. And I still struggle with overwhelming grief without her.. Flashbacks of that day.. she was born with a congenital heart condition, had 4 open heart ops.. And lots of hospital stays in her 16yrs.. She ... View more

Hi I lostmy daughter Ashleigh, August 7th 2009.. And I still struggle with overwhelming grief without her.. Flashbacks of that day.. she was born with a congenital heart condition, had 4 open heart ops.. And lots of hospital stays in her 16yrs.. She was a little fighter... And 09 her health went down hill with pulmonary hypertension, and she was looking aga heart lung transplant.. It was such a shock! She decided to do all tests for transplant.. And it was then we realised her pacemaker was getting close to being replaced.. And they weren't wrong.. A week later we were back and waiting for adr and anethasist to do her surgery.. Took 2 wks before they did it, and she got so much sicker waiting...I walked up with her to the theatre.. She was so looking forward to feeling better.. As she lay there, I mouthed to her, I LOVE YOU.. She nodded at me with a smile on herf face.. It was only 20 mins later we got called back, because they were trying to revive her.. Complications with surgery and the hypertension... They managed to revive her.. And she went up to icu.. They had stabilised her and our dr said they were going to let her sleep over wkend.. But when we went in the nurses were till weaning her off, and slowly waking her!! The icu dr had not relayed anything of what ourdr had said.l.. And then when they did her obs, she got startled and things were beeping everywhere!! I was telling her I was there with her... And then they sent me out..6pm we lost our beautiful Ash... We miss her so much,and some days I really struggle... I haves great husband, a a great faith, but some days it's not enough!!! I wishi could of taken her place..I dontbelieve she's in heaven watching over me, and I hate it when people say that.. Because really, if Ash saw how much we were suffering, and how much she was missing, she would be devastated.... How do any of you out there cope.. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Toni

Preparing for Death of Loved One

replies: 3

Hi! My parents are in their late 50's. They are in good health and there is no reason I believe they will be passing sooner rather than later. However, I worry about how I will deal with their eventual death. I have a history of depression and anxiet... View more

Hi! My parents are in their late 50's. They are in good health and there is no reason I believe they will be passing sooner rather than later. However, I worry about how I will deal with their eventual death. I have a history of depression and anxiety, and my folks have been a huge support. I'm concerned that losing them would be a huge blow and I would struggle to cope with their loss. Does anyone have any tips for how to prepare for the death of loved one's? More so, in the long term. If you have lost a loved one, was there anything in particular you struggled with, or wish you'd come to be aware of sooner? Cheers!

I miss you Dad

replies: 3

I am 32, with a wife and 18 month old son which I love very much. Just over 2 years to the day I lost my father unexpectingly. Loneliness, grief, sadness, longing are all emotions I feel every day. 2 years has passed and things don't seem to get any ... View more

I am 32, with a wife and 18 month old son which I love very much. Just over 2 years to the day I lost my father unexpectingly. Loneliness, grief, sadness, longing are all emotions I feel every day. 2 years has passed and things don't seem to get any easier. I know nothing will change and I can't bring it back but I need to move forward to help, support and love my family. I finally found the courage and saw a counsellor. The first few visits have been productive and helpful and I will continue for a few more visits. I hope my lack of communication, distancing myself and troubles have not caused a divide in my relationship with my wife that can't be fixed. Although seeing a counsellor has been productive I wish I could share my feelings and thoughts with my family as they are my life. I have written this to share my thoughts rather than keep them to myself and am not specifically after any feedback.

Is this for ever?

replies: 4

Hello everyone Hopefully I won't bore you, I'll make it brief... My Dad passed suddenly a few years ago and I don't think I've been the same since. I miss him terribly, and even though the raw feelings of grief have eased, I have this constant naggin... View more

Hello everyone Hopefully I won't bore you, I'll make it brief... My Dad passed suddenly a few years ago and I don't think I've been the same since. I miss him terribly, and even though the raw feelings of grief have eased, I have this constant nagging fear that I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop - so to speak. Who's next? What's next? Since my Dad passed I have been the primary carer for my Mum, whom I love dearly. I am so worried about her, all the time. Has she taken her medication? Has she had a fall? My husband is wonderful, he's my rock. We don't have kids (we are unable to) and I worry about him, all the time. Is he ok? Has he been in accident? I love my pets so much. Unfortunately, they are elderly now too and I worry about them, all the time. Will they be alive when I get home? My job involves caring for the elderly with disabilities. That in itself is stressful. The time before my Dad passed now seems like a distant, foggy memory. Even though I've always had social anxiety, I'm pretty sure I used to be happy quite a bit and maybe even carefree at times. Now, I dread getting out of bed. I don't have any close friends, and I hardly ever hear from my 2 sisters. Rarely a day passes when I'm not on the verge of tears. I don't have any motivation. I feel like I'm not living, just existing, waiting for the next inevitable tragedy. I hope someone reading this can understand, as I've almost given up hope that my life will ever be any different. Thank you for taking the time to read my story

Pets

replies: 5

This will probably seem really stupid to most people but my dog is getting old and I find myself dwelling on what to do if she dies. She was recently diagnosed with a mid-range heart murmur soI now worry about her all of the time, I don't want to los... View more

This will probably seem really stupid to most people but my dog is getting old and I find myself dwelling on what to do if she dies. She was recently diagnosed with a mid-range heart murmur soI now worry about her all of the time, I don't want to lose her, I just want her to live forever and be with me in my life. My dog is so much to me and I can't imagine what my life would be like without her in it. I adopted her two years ago and my depression has been much better with her in my life, she makes me happy and I love her so much, she is just like this burst of joy that I was lucky enough to have come into my life, I still can't believe I was so lucky that noone else wanted her and I was able to have her, I feel like she was meant to be with me and I was meant to be with her. Even when she is just sitting beside me having a snooze, like now, I feel 100% better, I don't know what to do if she dies or how to cope with losing her. I don't know if I should bury her or have her cremated, I worry about what bad things may happen to her soul if she is buried or cremated. Not sure if anyone can help.

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Welcome to the Grief and Loss section

replies: 0

All discussions

I can't get over the murder of my father then the death of my partner

replies: 5

Lost my brother to depression

replies: 2

Lost my brother to depression

replies: 2

My grief seems to be getting worse

replies: 3

Double layer struggle. PTSD 4 years and then Grief after illness and death of husband 2 years

replies: 1

Loss of my daughter and only child

replies: 3

Preparing for Death of Loved One

replies: 3

I miss you Dad

replies: 3

Is this for ever?

replies: 4

Pets

replies: 5

Grief and loss

Welcome to the Grief and Loss section replies: 0

I can't get over the murder of my father then the death of my partner replies: 5

Lost my brother to depression replies: 2

Lost my brother to depression replies: 2

My grief seems to be getting worse replies: 3

Double layer struggle. PTSD 4 years and then Grief after illness and death of husband 2 years replies: 1

Loss of my daughter and only child replies: 3

Preparing for Death of Loved One replies: 3

I miss you Dad replies: 3

Is this for ever? replies: 4

Pets replies: 5

Welcome to the Grief and Loss section

replies: 0

I can't get over the murder of my father then the death of my partner

replies: 5

Lost my brother to depression

replies: 2

Lost my brother to depression

replies: 2

My grief seems to be getting worse

replies: 3

Double layer struggle. PTSD 4 years and then Grief after illness and death of husband 2 years

replies: 1

Loss of my daughter and only child

replies: 3

Preparing for Death of Loved One

replies: 3

I miss you Dad

replies: 3

Is this for ever?

replies: 4

Pets

replies: 5