Work stress resulting in depression and severe anxiety

[Clare_B]

Hi

I am new to posting but have been through a tough time in the last three months

I have lost all confidence, and feel completely incapable of holding down a job as a result of unrealistic deadlines, lack of support from my supervisor and having my work openly criticised in an open plan office. My emails were edited constantly and I was not allowed to send anything without the manager editing it. I was told my listening skills needed to improve and that I should never be late for meetings. If I was in back to back meetings, my young manager or supervisor would come into the meeting to tell me I was late.

I am over 50 and this is the first time I have been so sick and the first time with depression and anxiety. It has resulted in nearly three months off work, unpaid and numerous trips to specialists and doctors. When i briefly returned the head of the department didn't even ask how I was.

I requested another position as I said that work had made me sick and was offered another one with a supportive manager however my confidence is non existent and I am struggling to believe I am able to do any job.

This has resulted in sleepless nights, panic attacks, desperation and feelings of hopelessness.

I really want to work but am scared I wont be able to do the job. How do I get confidence back. I have just been signed off again, as i am so fragile every time I think about work I get into a panic.

Can anyone give me any advice.

[Shred1106]

Wow Clare B

Your story resonates so closely with mine. I have been off work for six months now due to an episode at work which tumbled my depression into action, added some PTSD and also anxiety for the first time in my life. I have been working with my GP and psychologist through this and am still not on top of it all despite numerous meds.I see a new psychiatrist this week and have to start all over again (the last one was not remotely interested).

Do let me know how you are doing...it's good to know I am not alone despite feeling like I am.

Shred

[WhoamI_]

Hi Claire B,

Sorry to hear about what you're going through. I'm somewhat in a similar situation except with mine, I have been forced to resign due to my anxieties and depressive issues in starting a new role. My psych isn't back until the 22nd of Jan so trying my damn best not to freak out and panic.

Just wanted to know you are in my thoughts and prayers as a fellow with similar issues.

Kind regards,

[Clare_B]

Hi Shred

Thank you for your reply, similar to you it helps to know that I am not alone. The thing i find really hard is that I think I am getting on top of it and then I just crash because of the simplist thing. I am exercising every day and that really helps and also taking medicines and krill oil and turmeric etc to try and lift my mood.

I realise now that it is all my negative self talk that is holding me back but it is very difficult as I have always been my own worst critic.

Thank you so much for replying I hope you are able to get back to work and I will be thinking of you and sending my thoughts.

Regards Clare B

I

[Clare_B]

Hi

Thank you for your message, it is really tough dealing with these issues and I have thought many times that I might have to resign. It feels like so much pressure and unfortunately I have such little belief in myself now.

So sad to hear that you are having these issues too. If only people could be kinder to each other, unfortunately there are those who want to climb the ladder and it seems they don't worry about who the damage on the way up.

I hope you manage to get on top of your anxiety and depression. I am reading a book just now called the power of your subconscious mind and it is helping me to understand why I am finding recovery such a struggle. I have also found some of the depression and anxiety films on utube have really helped me to understand what is going on.

Thinking about you and sending my warmest wishes.

Claire B

[Clare_B]

Hi WhoamI

I was just looking at your post again. What a shame there was no one in the work place who could have helped you so that you didn't need to resign.

The 22nd will be here before you know it. I noticed a job the other day working in the health field where they specifically wanted someone who had experienced an episode of poor mental health. At least that type of employer would understand. It is so wrong that their is such a stigma for something that 1 in 4 people experience in their lives.

I think finding a boss who understands and doesn't micro manage is the key. We are all so capable but as soon as anxiety kicks in, the focus and listening skills go and unfortunately everything goes wrong.

You deserve a a great job where people understand and treat everyone fairly. Make sure you post and let us know when you get that I feel it will be soon.

Take care of yourself in the meantime and I hope the 22nd helps you a lot.

Clare B

[blondguy]

Hi Clare B

I hope you are doing reasonably okay (I understand what you are going through and its painful)

Clare B said: "I think finding a boss who understands and doesn't micro manage is the
key. We are all so capable but as soon as anxiety kicks in, the focus
and listening skills go and unfortunately everything goes wrong"

I am over 50 (ex corporate) and understand every word you have said even with the remnants of my anxiety

you are not alone here Clare B

my kindest

Paulx

[Shred1106]

Hey Clare B

I can totally understand that just a little thing can send me crashing down again. It is a difficult road to travel and confidence , for me, has become non existent.Some days I am okay and other days I just feel the need to be around people, not necessarily even to interact but just be around.

Exercise used to be a huge part of my life but due to other medical issues that too has had to be curtailed.

Sending good vibes to you and others who have posted on here...such a good thread!

Off to see my GP today after they are back from holidays...let's see what they say..

Shred

[Clare_B]

Hi Shred/everyone

Can you advise did you find you were feeling better and then as the date got closer to having to return to work you very quickly got sick again due to the thought of being back in the office. It always seems to be one week before I am due back I just crash it is so frightening, I start to get better and then all of a sudden the simplest thing just pushes me back into despair. Next week is meant to be my last week of sick leave and I have just spent Two days in total despair at the thought of breaking down at work.

The other awful thing is my memory is shocking, I seem to have selective memory and cant remember anything positive. I keep thinking I have something wrong with my brain. Have others with anxiety experienced this, and if so please can you tell me does it go away? It is one of the main reasons I don't want to go back because I am so scared I wont be able to do the job and that I break down again.

Please please, anyone who has experienced these things can you reassure me that these symptoms are normal. I am starting to think that I will have to give up the job, which will leave me in a very difficult position financially as well as lost on how to fill my days.

Also references my worry is I will never get another job. Does anyone have any positive stories about giving up a job, getting confidence back and finding a new one. I hope too hear from lots of this caring community soon

Kindest thoughts Clare B

[blondguy]

Hi ClareB

Your feelings/symptoms are very very normal in your situation with the anxiety issues you have to contend with.

Your memory is fine...Its the dark cloud of anxiety that is blocking your thought processes now...I also have the same problem with memory recall being blocked when being over sensitized. Its very normal with the awful anxiety we have.

I was a senior white collar executive 12 months ago.....There is always another job/career available. Even with my depression/anxiety I always succeeded in gaining another position.

If I can do it in my 50's you can too 🙂 Making the decision to leave is a big one but we can also make it worse by catastrophising about it. Financially yes it probably will hurt...but your management wont change their colors unfortunately Clare

I understand that you have a great doc and good on you Clare. The awful anxiety feelings will decrease with time and with very regular therapy (mine was weekly for 6 months...but it worked)

You mentioned that you take benzo's when you are in crisis which is fine. I am very much like yourself and experienced anticipatory anxiety prior to 'going back' after having sick time. Is this a crisis for you now?

I cant ask you about your benzo's as I am a volunteer...not a GP.....would your doctor think that this is a time of crisis for you? Just my very humble opinion but it seems to be a very difficult period that may be assisted with maybe a small dosage to 'take the edge off' this spiking anxiety you are going through (subject to your doc's approval of course) 🙂

You have been pro-active enough to post here....that takes a huge amount of strength and good on you.

I hope you can tap into this courage you possess and give tomorrow a go. If not then please try the alternative.....you have nothing to lose and everything to gain Clare.

Have a friend or relatives phone number with you on the way to work (if possible) and call them if you feel the anxiety creeping up on you......Anxiety is powerless when our mind is focused elsewhere......

my kind thoughts for you Clare

Paulx

[Clare_B]

Hi blondguy

Thank you for replying, your advice is really helpful. It is next Monday that I start but I seem to relapse every time my date is a week away. I have been feeling quite good over the last couple of days but it is so confusing as sometimes I think, yes I will give it ago and then later I feel the panic creeping in and I think no I cant, It is horrible.

You are absolutely right regarding the benzo, the doctor did recommend taking a half tablet in the morning before I go to work so that should help.

I know what you mean about things not changing but the new Director has been so kind to me and says her only focus is to get me better. She doesn't care about anything else at the moment. So I do feel with her support I should be alright. I think I will try and if it doesn't work out then I will leave and look for a new opportunity. I think next time I will avoid public service and look to go back to not for profit or maybe private.

Thank you for your prompt reply it really helps.

Kind regards

Clare B