Work stress resulting in depression and severe anxiety

[Clare_B]

Hi

I am new to posting but have been through a tough time in the last three months

I have lost all confidence, and feel completely incapable of holding down a job as a result of unrealistic deadlines, lack of support from my supervisor and having my work openly criticised in an open plan office. My emails were edited constantly and I was not allowed to send anything without the manager editing it. I was told my listening skills needed to improve and that I should never be late for meetings. If I was in back to back meetings, my young manager or supervisor would come into the meeting to tell me I was late.

I am over 50 and this is the first time I have been so sick and the first time with depression and anxiety. It has resulted in nearly three months off work, unpaid and numerous trips to specialists and doctors. When i briefly returned the head of the department didn't even ask how I was.

I requested another position as I said that work had made me sick and was offered another one with a supportive manager however my confidence is non existent and I am struggling to believe I am able to do any job.

This has resulted in sleepless nights, panic attacks, desperation and feelings of hopelessness.

I really want to work but am scared I wont be able to do the job. How do I get confidence back. I have just been signed off again, as i am so fragile every time I think about work I get into a panic.

Can anyone give me any advice.

[Zeal]

Hi Clare B,

Welcome to the forum!

I'm sorry to hear about this distressing workplace experience. Despite the depression and anxiety, you kept trying and continued to do your best at work. That is admirable. It is clear that your supervisor lacks empathy and insight. It is understandable that your confidence has taken a hit. Thankfully, you now have a different position with a supportive manager. I really hope this goes well for you and makes work life less stressful.

Are you still seeing a doctor or mental health professional? I feel that it's important to keep seeing someone to work through the anxiety and depression. This will probably improve your ability to cope at work too. Tell your doctor about the sleeplessness, panic attacks and the feelings of hopelessness. A lack of sleep can have hugely negative effects on your overall wellbeing. I've had sleep problems before too. I find it helpful to write down thoughts, worries and tasks on paper. This way, I feel as though I have expressed them, and they are there to deal with tomorrow, rather than while lying in bed.

These online resources could be of benefit, but of course don't replace in-person support:

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=37 (depression)

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=47 (improving self-esteem)

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=44 (panic/anxiety attacks)

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=46 (anxiety)

These resources can be used like workbooks. Saving them to your computer for future reference is also a good option, as trying to read them all at once would be a bit much!

It would be great to hear back from you!

Best wishes,

Zeal

[blondguy]

Hi ClareB

Im truly sorry that you are having to go through having all these awful feelings

Zeal has great advice above with some handy high value links

We are similar age and I understand your pain, especially with your work environment. I used to have acute anxiety from 1983 and now depression since 1996....ugh! Been a manager in corporate for years during that time but have changed employers when I found myself working for a toxic micro managing business.

There are many very kind people on the forums that can be here for you Clare. The forums are a Non Judgemental Zone. You are more welcome to post as often as you wish......even if you just need to vent or chat

Some good news though....the anxiety is temporary and can fade away into a bad memory (with regular counselling with a good therapist or even a good GP too 🙂

The GP's have much better training on anxiety and its awful symptoms. I hope you have been or are planning to see one. It would be difficult doing your new job as a 'tired mind' can be exhausting.

you are not alone by any means Clare

my kindest thoughts for you

Paulx

[Clare_B]

Hi Zeal

Thank you for your post. I think the resources will be very useful and I have bookmarked them and will print them out today.

I am seeing the doctor almost weekly at the moment and he has been really great. The problem is my fragility. New Years eve someone said something about my health and it resulted in 48 hours with only a couple of hours of sleep, sickness and nightmares. It gave me a real scare as I had thought until that point that I was getting better and would be able to return to work. It feels like one step forward, three steps back.

I like the idea of writing things down and will give that a try. I know from speaking to the psychologist that I am catastrophising everything and every time I get rid of one awful thought another one appears. It is very unpleasant.

Thank you for replying so soon. It helps to speak to people who have first hand experience of feeling so unwell.

[Zeal]

Hi Clare,

You're very welcome! It's great you are seeing your doctor weekly, and that he is understanding and helpful. I'm sorry to hear that a negative comment triggered severe anxiety on NYE. After hearing about this, and the fact that you're feeling fragile, I'd like to add one more resource (don't overwhelm yourself and feel as though you should read them all at once though).

Here's the link:

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=54 (on tolerating distress)

If you don't mind me asking, do any of your family or friends know about your mental health situation? Having social and emotional support from loved ones is crucial. Without my parents, my bout of bad mental health when I was 19 would have been even worse. Here are some tips on talking about your mental health: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/have-the-conversation/talk-about-it#findwords

Post back whenever you like 🙂

Best wishes,

Zeal

[Clare_B]

Hi Blondguy

Thank you for your post, the 'micromanaging and toxic environment' really sums up my experience. I have been a manager myself but have always had respect for people first and foremost.

The problem is I now believe deeply that I don't have any capability, which I know is ridiculous but how do I get rid of those awful thoughts. I faltered as soon as I went back into the new role because I was so low. I don't know why I have taken this so personally. The other thing that is making it harder is that whilst in this team I heard them talk about and criticise everyone who left or was moved. Our holidays were restricted and training cancelled at short notice if deadlines weren't met.

Yes I have seen my doctor regularly as well as a psychologist many times, but the awful thing with anxiety is you just cant think straight so the 'tired mind' really resonated with me.

Thank you so much for your post it has really helped

Regards

ClareB

[Clare_B]

Thanks Zeal,

yes I have shared my health issues with a large group of trusted friends and family.

Thank you for the resource.

Regards

ClareB

[blondguy]

Hi ClareB

Thanks for replying, always great to have a response

I just read " Our holidays were restricted and training cancelled at short notice if deadlines weren't met" This is a very old fashioned and bizarre management style. The directors/management have neglected the first rule of running a business.....To look after their people first and the profits will follow.......

You are trying so very hard not only with work but being pro-active will your health as well. Im not a GP but your anxiety is high enough to be effecting your day to day well being. If I may ask you.....has your GP brought up even basic medication? I take a benzo when if I am 'stuck' and mentally exhausted...

I have always been anti-meds until I realised they can help us build a foundation on which we can use all the various coping techniques more effectively. Anxiety is the same as a physical health problem.....Its just we sometimes require invisible crutches.....(meds)

my kindest thoughts for you ClareB in this difficult time

Paul

[Clare_B]

Thanks blondguy

Yes medicated with antidepressants and when in crisis benzo. First time in my life, its really scary. Thank you for your kind words it really helps. I have been seeing the doctor almost weekly and he has been fantastic.

Just wish it hadn't happened. I hope the medicine will help me have the courage to go back as i have relapsed a couple of times now. I have always worked so being at home worrying is really not good for me.

It is so good to talk to someone who has experienced micro management.

Regards

ClareB

[blondguy]

Hi ClareB

Reading about your management 'team' fascinates me....let alone the directors that would be encouraging this antiquated 'style' of people management (or lack thereof)

Since there is no such thing as a dumb question ClareB, Even though you wouldnt win the monthly popularity award with management.....do you have any sick days/annual leave available?

I am not a doc as you know but your health is paramount here. I have taken time off in the last few years to temporarily recover and find my feet with symptoms less severe than yours.

You are doing so well with your doc and the meds...Congrats to you! You are crossing all the 'T's and dotting all the 'I's

This is no different to a serious physiological health issue....I do hope you can somehow take some time off to rest and heal. Thats the problem with anxiety/depression.....its invisible....A footy player can tear a hamstring and it makes the six o'clock news sports bulletin.....unbelievable!

my kind thoughts for you ClareB...I hope today treats you reasonably okay 🙂

Paulx