Typing this has been a big effort...please read

[oneday]

Hi

I'm new to this forum.

male 55 year old, three adult kids. Married but live alone. 

I'm useless. I have no interpersonal skills.  I have had depression all my life but only been prepared to recognised it in the last couple of years. I've never really had a friend, always the third wheel in everything. Use to kid myself that I had friends but never really seemed to be liked very much.  No one ever seems to remembers my name or that they previously met me. I have had sum unfortunate interactions with people when out so I don't go anywhere now, except the chemist and grocery shopping each month. I fear interaction with others and feel they think I'm a waste of time. Its easier to stay at home and avoid seeing anyone. But it does get lonely. I'm always anxious and expect any contact will lead to me irritating someone and have them abuse me. It seems to happen a lot. For example I was walking along the footpath at the shops when a middle aged woman pulled up along side of me opened the passenger window of her car lent across a young girl in the passenger seat and said "smile it carn't be that bad" shook her head and drove off. Things like that knock me around for days, sometimes weeks. I play it over and over in my head trying to work out what I do to have it happen. I have no idea how to interact with people anymore.  Most people dream of what they would do winning lotto as a release from reality. My way of relief from life is dreaming of ending it. Typing this and opening myself up for ridicule has taken a big effort. Honestly, if you have something bad to say please don't respond.

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[Brokenandbruised]

Hi one day,

I think I understand what you're going through. I'm female and 41. I'm going through a major depressive episode right now. I taking medications but they're not working. I don't really have any friends. Some days I spend the day in bed. I have a daughter who's just turned 20. I live in Melbourne. Have you seen your doctor or a therapist? It's hard to find the right person. I'm seeing a psychologist but very expensive. Most of my days I feel dark and empty inside. I can relate to how you're feeling. Please write back. Hang in there, you sound like a nice person. 

[oneday]

Hi Kylz

Thanks for your reply. I read it over and over, I think because it made me feel better. Can you explain (provided your ok to) what bought about your withdrawal from social interaction and did that hiding lead to anxiety. You said you had no friends. Has that change and if so did you deliberately set out to develop new friendships.

 I guess one of the problems is that for much of my earlier years I didn't believe I had depression, I just thought people were better at dealing with sadness than me. So when I tried to make a friend they must have seen something in me that wasn't a normal person and they steered away. I still don't know what it was they didn't like but it has happened enough to know its me.

I get really disappointed/ sad  knowing that some people have many friends and yet after all these years I never had one.  

Most of what you wrote about yourself is in pass tense so does that mean your now in  a good place. Hope so. Like to hear back from you.

[oneday]

Hi broken and bruised

Sorry for not replying quicker, its to do with me and my issues.

The main reason I'm writing is you said you were going through a major depressive episode at the time and I'm wondering if things have improved. I know that I can have it last for about two weeks. But take heart you eventually come out the other end.  🙂

Hope you appreciate the smiley face it took about 5 minutes of button pushing to work it out. Your the first person I've sent one to.

[AGrace]

Hi oneday,

I just noticed you recently posted. How are you? It's great to see you've been replying to others. 

Well done on the smiley face, hope there's more to come

. AGrace

[oneday]

Hi AGrace

I do feel better through this process. I guess I don't feel as isolated thanks to you and others who expressed concern.  

I'm very appreciative,

[AGrace]

Then I really do hope you will continue to post. 

[HelenM]

Hi oneday,

Just to say hello - it's good to see you on here.

When I read about that woman sticking her head out the car it reminded me of the times someones shouted out to me  'cheer up it'll never happen'. I cringe and whatever self esteem I have slips away.

Take care, Helen