I am sad and no one knows.

[auschic]

Can you relate? 

No one notices how upset I am. 

Sometimes, I don't even think I notice.

I feel miserable. I just can't be bothered doing anything... 

I need someone to talk to. I just want someone who understands. 

It seems like every decision I make, good or bad, there is no one on my side. For example, I quit my job today (just a weekend job, I have another job) because I wasn't happy. All anyone can say is, "that was wrong, why did you do that, you're an idiot" even my family says this. It would be nice for someone to say, "I'm sure you made the right choice or as long as you're happy" 

I just wish I could talk to someone without being judged. I just want someone to understand me. Not even my own family can accomplish this small task. 

I'm not sure if I'm depressed. My sister has depression. 

Here's how I feel right now:

Tired, unmotivated, sore, sleepy, sad, misunderstood and stupid.

I haven't eaten all day and I'm not hungry. I want to get up and do something but I just can't find the energy to do so. 

I can't tell anyone how I feel because I don't want to be laughed at. My family will say 'how ridiculous, you're not upset'  when really, inside, I'm dying. What is wrong with me?

Also I have times when I'm in a really good mood and I'm really confident and then I have times when I'm quite depressed.

[AGrace]

Hi auschic,

Welcome to Beyondblue. I hope that by joining the forums you will find people who can understand what you're going through, people who will listen, support you, and if possible offer some advice through a shared experience. 

I can hear the frustration in your post and I completely get what it's like to feel invalidated. This has been the case for me my entire life. I'm guessing part of it stems from the societal belief in this pick yourself up attitude, and the other part is as you say a lack of understanding. I wanted to ask how are your parents with your sister?  Do they comprehend and support her through her depression? Or is she treated in a similar way? Have you been able to talk with your sister about how you feel? 

It sounds like you're doing a pretty good job of being independent from your parents by working and earning an income. I'm not sure how old you are but is there a chance that you could have a chat with a GP about your symptoms? It would be great for you to get some outside support as what you have described sounds very much like depression. 

I'm a little concerned by your lack of appetite. Usually this and sleep are the first things impacted and they are a sign from your body that you are emotionally exhausted. 

I hope that you will consider some of the suggestions. I'm happy to chat further if you need someone to listen. Have you had a look at any of the resources available on BB's website?  These can be really helpful in terms of recognising symptoms and learning more about mental illness. I hope to hear back from you. 

AGrace

[geoff]

dear Auschic, welcome to this site, and I'm sure there will be many other people to reply to your comment as well as Amber and myself.

Amber has asked a very good question about how your parents feel about your sister.

The trouble with today is that people criticise you or anyone else on what they think and not what you think or how you are going to cope, so this then puts a barrier between the both of you, and closes the door on any communication.

I gather that you are still living at home and please correct me if I'm wrong, and if so do your parents tend to pay more attention to your sister.

Depression has to start somewhere and the symptoms that you have mentioned are those that are conducive to how it begins, I hope not, but please get back to us so that we can talk some more. Geoff.

[auschic]

My sister goes to counseling and is non medication. She also sees a doctor and gets disability payments. I wouldn't want to take the attention anyway from her. No one would believe me anyway

[auschic]

Also, I think my brother causes a large amount of depression in my family. The way he talks to us is horrible and he constantly puts you down. The minute either of us walk out of our rooms he finds something to pick on. It could be the way we look or just saying hurtful things. It's just better to stay in my room. Noone comes in here. No one can put me down here. I used to fire back at him but I just give up now. I'll just cry in my room thinking maybe what his saying is true. He is never seen as the bad guy, he always sucks up to other family members.

[AGrace]

Hi auschic, 

Do you mind me asking how old you are? I'm assuming you live at home with your family? How old is your brother? His comments are really quite pathetic, he's obviously very bored. I wouldn't put too much truth into what he says, his intention is just to get a response from you. Why should his thoughts be so valued?

This is going to sound a bit blunt, but you can stay in your room for as long as you like, just ask yourself what are you really achieving by doing this? Did you give some thought to seeing a Dr? Getting help doesn't mean that you're stealing the limelight from your sister. Do you think if she knew how you felt that she would want you to get some support? 

I'm glad you have continued to post here, we're happy to support you as much as we can.

AGrace