Hey everyone, I'm new here, and I guess I just feel the need to tell my
story as I'm just at a complete loss with things... For a long time I've
been very unhappy- My earliest memory of feeling completely helpless
goes back 20 years to when I was 7 y...
View more
Hey everyone, I'm new here, and I guess I just feel the need to tell my
story as I'm just at a complete loss with things... For a long time I've
been very unhappy- My earliest memory of feeling completely helpless
goes back 20 years to when I was 7 years old; I used to be a happy kid,
but I found myself with an absolute monster of a second grade teacher
who intentionally mispronounced my name (it's something obviously
foreign), and would pick on me, and blame me for things I didn't do;
soon all the other kids started against me too, and it got to a point
where I was taken out of school and was so shaken by the experience I
refused to ever return to a school again, so many years of homeschooling
ensured until highschool. I struggled with social issues and lonliness
for a long time, and it resulted in living with a checkered state of
mental health.. However, fighting through it all I've managed to avoid
the pratfalls of substance abuse, complete a cert III and IV in
Multimedia at TAFE and a double degree in media studies and journalism
at university; I'm in a relationship with who I'm convinced is the
absolute best girl in the world for four and a half years, I've worked a
multitude of jobs, am a responsible driver (have all my demerits and
never been hit with a traffic fine) and am in an active band as a
musician... Well, what's the problem? The fact it's becoming painfully
clear is that it feels like NONE of that matters. I KNOW I'm a good
person, I know how much I've worked, but I feel the old depressions
mounting up and knocking me down harder than ever as I'm seeing more and
more that I just CANNOT find a job; and combined with my failed attempt
at doing a teaching Post Grad this year, it's just left me feeling
completely lost and aimless- I feel like life has no direction or
purpose and I just don't know what to do- well, I kind of know what I
want to do, I want to have a JOB and work, make money and be the partner
that deserves someone as amazing as my partner, but instead I feel like
a complete failure of a human being as I struggle so hard with getting a
job, and even when I HAVE gotten jobs, I'm usually met with the same old
excuse of "Oh we overhired, sorry but we no longer need you blah blah
blah"... It's seriously destroying my sense of self worth, and I don't
feel like I can go on much longer...