Typing this has been a big effort...please read

[oneday]

Hi

I'm new to this forum.

male 55 year old, three adult kids. Married but live alone. 

I'm useless. I have no interpersonal skills.  I have had depression all my life but only been prepared to recognised it in the last couple of years. I've never really had a friend, always the third wheel in everything. Use to kid myself that I had friends but never really seemed to be liked very much.  No one ever seems to remembers my name or that they previously met me. I have had sum unfortunate interactions with people when out so I don't go anywhere now, except the chemist and grocery shopping each month. I fear interaction with others and feel they think I'm a waste of time. Its easier to stay at home and avoid seeing anyone. But it does get lonely. I'm always anxious and expect any contact will lead to me irritating someone and have them abuse me. It seems to happen a lot. For example I was walking along the footpath at the shops when a middle aged woman pulled up along side of me opened the passenger window of her car lent across a young girl in the passenger seat and said "smile it carn't be that bad" shook her head and drove off. Things like that knock me around for days, sometimes weeks. I play it over and over in my head trying to work out what I do to have it happen. I have no idea how to interact with people anymore.  Most people dream of what they would do winning lotto as a release from reality. My way of relief from life is dreaming of ending it. Typing this and opening myself up for ridicule has taken a big effort. Honestly, if you have something bad to say please don't respond.

beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

[Elleix]

Im sure your not useless.  You have three children and in my personal opinion, that seems a task for people who have alot of skill!  I am not sure if you are aware, or if they are in your local area however this group may help you reconnect with other men around your age group.  Its called Mens Shed where men get together and do guy things and offer each other support. (including mental health)  Its quite popular where I am from.  You may need to do some research for them in your area but I think it would be worth a try.

I hope this kinda helps

[AGrace]

Hi one day,

Elleix has given some great advice about mens shed. Definitely something to look into. Before I say too much more, Welcome to the forums,  no one here will judge you and I hope that you will feel lots of support as you and others continue to post in your thread.

The first thing I want to say is there's no hope in death, only in life. If you feel suicidal please contact Beyondblue,  Lifeline,  or 000.

 I hope you dont mind me asking if you're married why you live alone? Are you in contact with your wife? Do you see your children? 

We should never judge ourselves or our lives on the number of friends we have, for even just one can bring a world of happiness and connectedness that 25 can't. Having said that it's really none of our business why people don't like us. Even if you dont have friends there's always support. Have you thought about seeing a professional or joining a support group or accessing group therapy? What sorts of things do you enjoy doing? Or have you enjoyed in the past? Is it worth pursuing those hobbies in a group format? 

I say this because at 65 my father has no friends,  he spent his life working (and having affairs...but that's another story). 6 weeks ago I asked him "What is one thing that you wished youd done or learned but never did?" His response was to learn to swim. Well the saying goes you're never too old, so I told him to look into some group swimming classes and I'd pay for his 1st 6 lessons. Now he txts me to tell me how much fun he's having doggy paddling!! 

To the woman who told you to smile, I'd say she obviously wasn't smiling either, after all smiling is contagious. 

AGrace

[Princess]

Hi oneday, welcome to Beyond Blue.  I'm pretty sure no one on here is going to ridicule.  I've only been on here myself for a couple of weeks and it's been great.  You are interacting with others who know exactly how you are feeling or have been where your at.  In my experience, the only thing that I've gotten is loads of support from other people who are 'suffering' just like me.

The first step is always the hardest in baring your soul but you know what, when you go back and read the replies its uplifting.  We're not here to judge you, heavens knows none of us are 'perfect', but we're here to help.

Keep posting and also read other posts and you'll soon see you've come to the right place.

We all look forward to your next post.

[oneday]

Thankyou for taking the time to think about my post and reply your very kind.

[Stuck14]

Oneday, I would like to ask, how are you? As I read your first post that was full of so much information an pain. I was wondering if after reading the posts from some of the wonderful people in this community we have if you felt a bit more at ease with opening up here, in this safe an non judgemental forum.

Look forward to hearing from you 

[oneday]

Thankyou so much for replying to my post it helps. I appreciate it very much.

[hopless_amp_helpless]

Hi Oneday!

I really like your name, it embodies hope for me, like you're saying I'm not ok right now but I will be 'oneday!'

I can relate to how you're feeling. I became so anti social, I would spend all of my free time in my room just wasting away my time watching TV. 

The thought of interacting with people scared me so I just wouldn't bother.

I also had no friends to do things with and it was so lonely and I too thought that anyone I did meet wouldn't like me if they knew the 'real' me......the angry depressed person that I tried to hide.

I'm 35 and I was working at the time but it was such a struggle to get through each day as I worked in a Bakery and had to deal with customers.....a social interaction I dreaded each day.

You have made a very courageous first step in writing down your most personal feelings and thoughts for complete strangers to read but please know you are not alone and that there are people who are here to support you.

I'd like to talk to you more and see how you're going if you'd like?

Cheers ~ Kylz

[oneday]

I get very panicked when I think about interacting with anyone. So I'm sorry for the slow reply. I might take a time out again before coming back on. Hope that's alright.

Thankyou to everyone who replied to my post.

.

[SubduedBlues]

Hello brother,  I feel your pain.

First, if your children ever ask you to anything for them - no matter how small or simple it might seem - the mere fact that they asked you provesvthat you are not useless.

Second,  if you say good morning or good night to anyone, and get a response from them, then you have an interpersonal skill. 

As far as interactions with strangers,  I'm just a genuine article. No facades, or two-faces. If you don't get me (most don't) your loss. Also when I smile at people, they either smile back or don't know how to respond. And if I want people to talk to me, I just go volunteer somewhere. People are always interested to learn the story behind the volunteer.