Trapped and Helpless

[Chunty]

Hi Everybody, Mood feels real low today. I feel so helpless and trapped. My internet went down and I was left almost alone all day while my carer spent most of the day trying to get it going. He was so involved with it I felt negleted. Becauseof my illness I am totally dependent on him. I was stuck in a recliner, in alot of pain, worse when I moved, cold , hungry and so alone escept with my darling cat Merryweather. I had to ring eventually and ask him for help.My last dose of painkillers was at 4 am and by 3 pm I was in agony. As well as coping with other issues this was the last straw.I guess I am lucky I can vent to you lovely people. Thank you.All the best. Chunty

[Chunty]

Hi Tony. Thanks so much for your input. My 1st session withe Psychiatrist. He focused alot on BPD. Apparently it began with traumatization during childhood and also several episodes of trauma thru out my whole life. It did shed some light into my behaviour. Im not going to make excusees for myself. I have to try and forget and let go of the past.I am very unhappy and frustrated and at the moment am trying to control myself and bottle my emotions.My carer is sleeping on the couch and snoring his bloody head off. I on the other hand cant make any noise, because he complains he doesnt sleep at night, but then sleeps most of the day. This is an ongoing problem.Ive got this bloody illness, Im sure but slowly deterioting and slowly dying. Im disabled, stuck in a recliner chair in silence.He is aware of this, tells me ", put the tv on, wake me up nicely, dont shout at me" I told him several times to go home and sleep, but he wont. I pray alot, the noise of the prayers annoys him. I take so much than I explode, I do stupid things, like annoying the priest.What do I do Tony.? I want to go. Ive had enough of people and this life.... I like being on my own with Merryweather (cat). I want to have peace at this time of my life. Im not getting it.Its all one way. All I hear is complaints, my movements are watched and commented. There is no kind word, understanding or compassion. Sorry Ive rambled on. I better go. Chu ty

[Sophie_M]

Hi Chunty, 

We are so sorry to hear that you are feeling this way at the moment - it sounds like you are having a difficult time with the people in your life and your ongoing health concerns. 

We just wanted to drop in and say that we are always here for you if you want to reach out. Perhaps the webchat service would be best for you? It is available from 1pm - midnight here https://online.beyondblue.org.au/Webmodules/chat/InitialInformation.aspx

We hope that you can continue to update us on this thread Chunty and letting us know how you are going. Thank you again for being a part of this community and for showing such amazing courage in sharing your story.

Kind regards, 
Sophie M
 

[Chunty]

At least I get some positives from you lovely people. It is a very harsh world and cruel. People are cruel to poor innocent animals and to each other. I have had enough.I want out.Chunty

[Chunty]

,Hello all you lovely people. I have been going thru hell and back thru out my whole life. One trauma and abuse after another. I was alone and was taken advantage of, used and rejected. To compensate and cope, I kept searcching with various religions and got exploited monetary. I used drugs, alcohol, promiscuous behaviour ++ lost count and cant remember their names, then tried to protect myself with members of the LGBTQ2+ community. Loved them, they were such beautifulnsouls, drugs and alcohol, gay bars.Practised witchcraft. Reckless and drunk driving, visiting ashrams in India. Still couldnt finf peace in anything. Constant chaging addresses.Ilooked at my life, and its all come back to me.Numerous admissions to hospitals. Gosh I cant believe it. Now I have found the true religion for me and that is Catholism. and have held on to it now for16 years. I was brought up a Christiann since childhood. I love Jesus and the Blessed Virgin Mary..Now Im stuck with a horrible rare terminal illness and I have had enough suffering, pain and hurt. I have reached out go all the referalls, but none of them helped.I am very tired and worn out, still struggling inward, given up fighting. I have lost complete trust in human beings,except my priest who comes to see me once a week aand you dear souls in the forum.as you all know what it is like to suffer from mental illness.I also love Elvis,my cat Merryweather and all animals. Of course I worship God and i will put my life in his hands. I have rambled on.Thank you all you beautiful souls and would love to hear from any of you dear ones.God Bless you all and the wonderful staff at BB🐱🙂

[Philomena]

Hi Chunty

I fully understand how hurt and rejected you may feel.

Forgive the priest and pray for him that way you will feel better. If he talks to you and visits you be nice to him but one thing in life is not to be too dependent on anyone.

You are strong to have gone through so much in life and continue to brave the storms in your life thinking there are others in the world suffering more than you. Your inner strength and ability to have overcome so much in the past will give to strength to move on in life thank god for each day life is precious as we see so much disorder in the world today. Count your blessings each moment.

stay safe stay blessed cheers

[Chunty]

Hello Philomena, Thank you so much for your lovely, understanding and encouraging post. Yes in the last 2 days I have just concentrated on praying and surrendering my life to Jesus. The prayer is so powerful because all of a sudde I find that Im not worried anymore about being rejected and needing people. Maybe I have given up fighting,as I am so tired and worn out. I love being on my own with Merryweather my cat, watching Jesus movies and listening to Elvis. I must admit I like communicating with the dear souls in the forum and offer support to others. It is sad to learn what some of the dear souls are experiencing. Im not the only one My dear priest is coming tomorrow to give me Holy Communion as I cant tolerate going out for long periods. You are so right, you cant be dependent on other people. I have learnt it. It doesnt worry me anymore. You sound a beautiful soul and your belief in God. I love Jesus and Mary and I just trust them with my life.Il go now my dear Philomena, as Im getting tired. May God,s blessings be with you and protect you. Take care and thank you.Chunty🐱😍🦄🍒

[Chunty]

Hello everone, can anyone help me.i dont know if its the depression taking over.Since the middle of last week, im finding myself withdrawing. I no longer feel lonely. Ijust want to be alone with my cat. I dont care and cant be bothered about being rejected by people. Im so tired and worn out. I have loss appetite and am barely eating.All i want to do is watch video clips and pray. I have to go now, too tired.Chunty

[Sophie_M]

Hey Chunty, 

We're so sorry to hear what you've been going through lately, but we are really glad that you've shown such strength in reaching out to your friends here on the forums. Please remember that we're all here to help you through this, and you never have to sit with these feelings on your own.

If you feel up to it, we think it might really help to talk these feelings through tonight, and we'd encourage you to reach out to the kind counsellors at our Beyond Blue Support Service (1300 22 4636), or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14), or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) whenever things are feeling overwhelming to cope with.

We hope that you keep updating us whenever you feel ready to, Chunty. You're never alone here.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Chunty,

I am sorry your struggling so much...Sophie has given you some wonderful contacts..I have used the Beyond Blue 24/7 support service and the people who answer the phone are so caring and understanding.....

Chunty...My days are spent playing internet games, or sitting outside..and of course keeping my home clean...other then Tuesday my volunteer day...I struggle with finding anything that I like to do....I think it’s okay to watch video clips and pray. At least it keeps our thoughts away from any negativity....and that’s what we are looking for in a way....some form of distraction....

I am so pleased you have you precious Merryweather with you to hug you and give you some unconditional love....

Chunty....It hurts bad when we feel rejected..here dear lovely Chunty you won’t be rejected at all...We care about you and want the best for you....

I would love to give you a gentle caring hug 🤗..if that’s okay....

Here for you with my care and kind thoughts..

Grandy..

[Chunty]

Hello kind people. Thank you for post. Not feeling well. Cant eat feel like nausea. Very tired a d weak dozy carer not supportive. Love to all Chunty