How can I pull my own weight more?

[Akiho]

hi. I’m a 17yr old diagnosed with anxiety two years ago and on meds for one year. For the past 8ish Months I’ve been feeling pretty down. My psychologist says depression but I can’t help feeling that it’s not. I experience all of the “telltale symptoms” but I don’t know if they’re serious enough to count? I do feel happy sometimes! My parents say that I’m making excuses to be lazy - which is fair since I’ve never been one for going to school or studying, usually I’d prefer to play games or read books instead. But now I just… don’t want to do anything? I don’t care about school anymore - or at least not to the extend that I used to - I’m behind on assignments and I’m failing a few classes. I get distracted in class (I don’t have any friends it’s just me sabotaging myself) and sometimes I struggle to see the point in trying, my goal was to be a doctor but now I can’t be bothered to even study. My dad gets really annoyed with me, I can hear him on the phone to relatives all the time complaining about “mood swings” and “rude children”, he has a whole damn prepared speech for everyone he meets. It makes me feel like such an awful person, I never want my parents to feel burdened by me but I also don’t think I’m that bad… I make an effort to help out around the house, I do the dishes, look after my siblings (3 younger), I don’t do drugs, I don’t drink (unlike my brother), hell I’ve never even held hands with a boy!! I recognise that I can be moody, it really pisses me off when my parents say things like that to me, I’m a teenager my hormones are crazy surely they don’t expect me to be as level headed as a normal adult. Whenever I feel bad they call bulls***, when I say I feel bad my dad rolls his eyes and goes “oh not this crap again”. I really want to try and be a better person but I just feel so awful when they say things like that, it just sets me back. I’d really appreciate any ideas/suggestions so I can stop being so lazy or ways to pull my weight more. I really want to be a better person so feel free to leave constructive criticism or whatever!!
thanks so much 🙂

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hey there

Welcome to the forums and good on you for reaching out. It sounds like you're having a hard time at the moment, so well done for posting here. I'm in my 40's now but I remember having a similar experience at your age, so hope you don't mind me posting my thoughts here. I really think that we have different ways of thinking and viewing the world at different ages, and so this leads to miscommunication between generations. A young person doesn't necessarily notice all the things that need doing about the place, as that's not their focus, in the same way it is for us oldies 😉 I wonder if it would pay to have a discussion about it, so everyone's clear on expectations. Is there specific tasks that your family would like you to do? And when and how? Also, maybe you can let them know how you feel - that you'd like to help more, and that it hurts when they say particular negative things towards you. I wish I had communicated better with my young person. Communication really is key. Maybe you can be the person that opens up the lines of communication in your household. What do you think?

By the way - if you're still seeing your psychologist, it might be worth discussing with them. They can help with strategies to manage situations like this 🙂

Katy

[bluenight]

I had written out a long response to you and the internet dropped and I lost it all!

Anyway, I think if your dad sees you making a genuine effort with things he might change his attitude towards you and your mental health.

Why don't you get back into studying? You say it's a lack of motivation so I'm just wondering are you doing things like, eating well, drinking plenty of water instead of soft drinks and artificial juices, getting enough sleep or sunshine. Oh and don't underestimate the importance of spending quality and meaningful time with other people, I know it's hard to do when depressed and/or anxious though.

Keep us posted if you like ....

[tranzcrybe]

Acknowledging dissatisfaction with your attitude or behaviour is a very mature approach and this alone negates any truth to you being a 'bad' person - lazy? maybe, moody? most likely, but you are at a crossroads...

• from childhood's blind obedience - usually driven from external accolades and gentle persuasion that you are destined for some future or other that you end up believing and then find yourself battling to maintain the perception; versus,
• the burgeoning realisation that you are your own person wanting to experience all that life has to offer, make your own decisions and mistakes, and 'find' yourself to discover your place in the world.

Essentially, to embrace flagging studies again, you might need to ask yourself: What are you wanting to invest yourself into? The will to study will follow quite naturally. In some way, the same applies to helping out - an inner compulsion to contribute or assist for no other reason than you feel it thus, requiring no external prompting or even appreciation. This further extends to acquiring friends (and boyfriends!) at school - to be there in times of need is a great first step to long lasting friendships.

Your self esteem is founded on what you do, not what you are told. Negative comments from anyone have no impact if you can adopt this simple creed.
I hope you view this as constructive advice and hopefully not the 'whatever' option.

[therising]

Hi Akiho

Don't lose sight of the fact that you're an amazing person doing your best to understand yourself, under the circumstances. By the way, your circumstances sound very challenging. Personally, I much prefer inspiring motivators in my life leading the way, as opposed to degrading motivators. Degraders tend to bring me down. If you're sensitive enough, you can actually feel a degrader's impact. It's like that blahh physical feeling that kind of leads you to feel a little sick at times. Can remember having an epiphany where I realised the long term impact of feeling unwell through degraders. This led me to rephrase 'I'm sick of those people' to 'I'm sick because of those people'. Who would have thought the simple word 'because' could change so much. Amazing how much better you can feel once you detach in certain ways from degrading people who kind of suck the life out of you. 'Nup dude, you aint making me sick. I won't let you'.

Do you feel the anxiety meds messed with your energy levels? Could they be one of the culprits here? If you happen to live in Victoria, could all the lock downs be acting as a culprit? Could people not leading you to feel more energetic be a factor? Bluenight mentions a lot of energy boosters that are perhaps not present in your life to the degree where they make a difference (eating well, drinking plenty of water, getting enough sleep or sunshine). In certain ways, we're nuclear powered (food/energy from the earth), hydro powered (needing water for our cells to function), solar powered (vitamin D) and so on. I suppose you could say we're energetic creatures in need of energy or 'charging up', especially when we can feel like we're running on empty at times.

Do you think it's worth talking to the professional who put you on the medication? While certain medications are designed to lessen the mind and body's hyperactivity (whether it's anti anxiety meds or ADHD ones), sometimes they can turn the volume down way too low. Kind of like going from too much energy to not enough. If you feel it's not depression, trust your feelings as they might be spot on. If you wanted to be really cheeky, would be tempting to say to the psych 'Are you not quite as sensitive as me? Can you not get a feel for what the meds could be doing to me? Are you not as wonderful as me, don't you at least wonder about this?'

You're a naturally brilliant person asking a lot of open minded wonderful questions. Would you say you're the opposite to your dad?

🙂