The pressure of life

[prettyhurts]

Hi all beautiful people.

Im new here. Late 20s, high medication. I live with my parents. They think I work, yet im on a pension. I have to lie to them due to high expectations in our family. I am pressured to get married, ( dont have a partner or dating ), and I am forever feeling the extreme demand of being the best of the best. I feel like a constant failure in life. I cant work due to the drowsiness of my meds and I hate covering up that im not well enough to work. My friends are accomplished and successful, yet I struggle living up to everyones expectations.

Does anyone have any advice on dealing with the pressure ? the expectations of life?

xxx

[bluenight]

Do you think you could review your medications with your Dr to reduce the drowsiness?

Hiding that from your parents must be taking it's toll on your self esteem and self worth and perhaps making you feel guilty which obviously makes you feel worse and effects your mental health. Could you work out a medication plan that would enable you to work? Or is working too much at the moment?

It makes it very difficult when your family have high expectations. Don't be too hard on yourself though, it's really hard to work and do other things we want to do when struggling with mental illness.

Can you work on achieving some small things that you want to achieve?

Btw, I really know how you feel

[quirkywords]

Prettyhurts

Welcome to the forum and thanks for writing your post.

bluenight has written a supportive post with helpful suggestions.

Many people reading your words will relate to feeling the pressure of high expectations.
It is so sad that on top of suffering and struggling you have to pretend you are ok.

It must be stressful pretending to your parents and others you are working.

Have you ever tried to tell them.

thanks for reaching out.

You are brave because you are coping with a lot and trying to get well.

[missep123]

Hi prettyhurts,

A very warm welcome to the forums!

I hear you. The pressures of life can be so hard especially when we compare ourselves to others and their circumstances.

I have done this, and I know all of my friends have done this too. What I realised (and like to tell myself) is that everyone's stories are different. We all have unique circumstances and stories to bring to the world. Our path is our own path and that's what makes us, 'us'.

That sounds really hard to not be able to tell your family what you have been going through. How is your support network? Can I ask, have you been seeing a psychologist?

We are definitely here for you!

[prettyhurts]

Dear Bluenight,

That is an amazing suggestion about medications. Im wondering will going on a lower dose create lower support?

It means the world to me that you have taken the time to write.

thank you,

xxx

[prettyhurts]

To Quirkywords,

Thank you for relating to my post and writing.

Unfortunately my parents would never understand not having a job. It wouldn't be acceptable. Even if I told them how much medication im on, and how much I struggle with the simple things.. I haven't showered in over a month (so embarrassed to admit that), but I just cant cope with my naked appearance.

Thank you for writing to my post, you have no idea what your positive words have done for me. so appreciative for you.

xxx

[prettyhurts]

Missep123,

So lovely to hear your response. Its hard to keep up appearances with everyone, especially family.

I am seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist, plus EMDR for my PTSD. The problem is, my family think basically.. im seeing a psych, so click of the fingers and I should be 'fixed'. I think im in a crossroads of keeping my family happy, and taking the time to get better.

missep123, how do you deal with the pressure of the social standards? The career, the marriage and 2 kids, a home owner and a happy life? Is that what everyone expects of us all these days?

Thank you Missep123, I am grateful for your reply,

xxx

[geoff]

Hello Prettyhurts, and a warm welcome to the site and pleased you've received some lovely replies from those above me.

I'm really sorry for the position you are in and would contact your doctor regarding the medication, but it's impossible to be able to live a life like the situation you're in, simply because you won't be able to hide it forever, somewhere along the way your parents are going to find a reason to question something you receive in the mail or leave your phone on the table, giving them the opportunity to browse through it or have someone else do it for them.

No matter what reaction you'll get back from them may be softer now than in the future and if this worries you, is there another person you can live with temporarily.

I understand that different people from other countries have their own way of thinking, other religions that force something to be done that other people's belief doesn't require, that's what makes the world but if you aren't well enough to do what is expected of you, certainly doesn't make you or anyone else seem as though you are to blame, because you haven't at all, living in a controlled environment isn't particularly, appropriate.

If your parents know you're seeing a psych then that's a reason to tell them what's happening, but ask your psych about how you are able to become strong enough so that your parent's comments aren't going to make the situation worse.

Hope to hear back from you.

Geoff.

[SleeplessApples]

Hey prettyhurts,

I'm new as well, and in my late 20s as well. And also struggling with the pressures of life at the moment with family and my own personal expectations. Granted I am working at the moment but it's not the type of job I want to be in since the environment reminds me too much of home, is highly taxing on my physical and emotional energy with the only benefit being it pays regularly and well unlike my last job. And I'll admit I'm not really faring well at all.

I can highly relate to your struggles with family wanting you to get married or at least date since I have never dated before since they were always wanting me to put school first and now a "job" and also in regards to being "fixed" for seeing a psych. It is hard trying to balance keeping your family happy as well as taking care yourself when you have a mental illness.

In regards to that the most I can say when I was happy and thriving, was when I was away from my family and working on trying to get help for my mental illness. For me that involved talking to a GP, a psychologist, an occupational therapist at my local hospital and moving out (which was aided by the occupational therapist and her colleagues).

But I also understand wanting to make your family happy, which was why I kept in touch with them during those times but unfortunately lately, I have learnt that, that balance is hard to keep. I do recommend trying what Geoff said and maybe ask your psychologist about a way to be able to brace yourself for whatever may happen when you tell your parents so they can understand. I wished I had done that before it led to what it has become now.

Another thing that helped curb the pressures was having a support network of good and close friends to talk about it can help a lot to at least vent and get the heavy feeling off of your chest. Some of my friends are successful and some are struggling despite the perceived success (living on their own, in a relationship, have children) it helps curb that feeling of being alone and not being judged. But if you don't feel like burdening your friends there are apps like Vent where you can vent privately or publicly about your problems to strangers or yourself (like a diary) to help alleviate the weight of those pressures.

Nonetheless you aren't alone, I very much understand the struggle, and I do hope those here (as well as myself) can give you the advice or support you need.

[missep123]

I hear you @prettyhurts, that crossroad of looking after yourself and making your family happy is so hard. I am glad though that you are getting support from professional mental health professionals, I hope that you do feel supported and comfortable with them!

It can be so hard to deal with the pressure fo social standards, I feel as though this is something that I have definitely worked on my whole life! For example I have friends who have gotten married or bought a house and sometimes it can feel like I am so behind. When I talk to them though they have their own stresses and they said they look at my life and wish they had some of the things I had. What I realised is that everyone is peeking at someone else's life and wishing they had some aspect but it's just like the quote 'the grass seems greener on the other side' when in reality we are all just trying the best we can and we have our own issues.

One thing that has helped me was to find some things that I really liked and that I found really relate to my personality that makes me happy. It makes me feel as though these are the things that make me uniquely- me. For example I love video games and anime and I have spent time really spending time watching anime or playing games and connecting with people who also like it.

I think a journey of self-kindness is super important. Taking the time to see what makes you (-you) and finding things that make you happy.

I hope this makes sense!

We are definitely here for you!