So upsetting...

Albert_247 · ‎10-11-2023

My life has been pretty rough, I mean I was bullied all during high school from 13 to 18, I didn't like my father's difference entirely, my diagnosis mis conception happened at 19 and I've been kept on meds for the last 9 years. I'm beneath this image of having a disability when I don't agree with my diagnosis, It's too unique and unbelievable to explain to anyone so I'm treated as indenyl or lacking insight. The health issues were 22 & 25, Then I had no driving independence till 26 because I didn't have any parents to learn with, plus hated all my driving teachers. I only could drive through having Centrelink, I never could advance my life without having any sense for which suitable jobs I would want to work, I never had vacancies with so much immigration and competition with society and with fresh high school kids wanting jobs too. I never wanted to be a apprentice or go to University, even with a interest in Nutrition I'm just not the study personality. I only had help to write the resume & cover letters after going through useless job recruiters but they are not much guarantee to get anyone payed employment. I never had a new group of mateship after leaving high school and I've had no experience with girls as friends or even socially or on a intimate level. I'm complete incel unfortunately with me, but I wouldn't feel like un able to speak to them, unless their really attractive. I had a dream to become a hobbyist musician, though I just had all that with high school, my dad and my mental health drama to deal with, while not having women, work, and a regular life it all ruined my confidence to do it since 14. Don't feel like my parents are on that journey or understanding to chase dreams, they played life more passive and safe and their a whole different personality to me. Now I feel like I'm failing at life or like a ugly man child and everything always felt out of my control, or that thing's couldn't be better given the circumstance.

Albert_247 · ‎04-10-2023

So I'm now in my late twenties almost at thirty, I'm behind in my life by a decade, I only got my driving independence at 26 and spent 8 years trying to figure out wither I want any study or entry jobs, and I've come to terms with that I'm not academic enough to get a University degree, I only did VCAL so I couldn't even be eligible to go into University without being through the TAFE system first. I don't either have any interest in any of the career pathways from University regardless of the study being science, math or whatever else it may be, I don't want the expense of tuition and there's numerous other reasons for not wanting University

I don't want anything at TAFE, initially I looked at all the certificates and diplomas and still wasn't interested in anything, I don't want any construction based work or apprenticeships, I feel my future is grim without wanting any secondary education and I believe my IQ is under 100 which isn't up the average of others

Realistically all I can think about is entry dead end jobs, and I don't want to work in a factory at all, I am not wanting to work in hospitality it's not for my personality, I am linked with a job recruiter and I am only hoping to work for 10 hours in a casual retail job, I don't want to jump into a full casual position without knowing wither I like the job or not, I don't know my working strengths or weaknesses or thresh holds with stress too, I am fortunate to get a Centrelink pension so I can financially be diverse with the working arrangement for now anyways, but at the same time I don't want to feel average and be limited to a life of retail when I'm not enthusiastic about it, most people from what the internet tells me suggest retail is not a ideal direction for different reasons

white knight · ‎04-10-2023

Hi, welcome

Seeing as you are on a pension your objective would normally be to supplement that pension to just under the threshold so you dont lose any pension at all. That is X amount of income extra. That might be say 2 days a week in any job.

I say "any job" because I dont agree with your mindset with "Realistically all I can think about is entry dead end jobs, and I don't want to work in a factory at all, I am not wanting to work in hospitality it's not for my personality, I am linked with a job recruiter and I am only hoping to work for 10 hours in a casual retail job," When one is supplementing their pension commonly they work in any field they can get work. To pick and choose (ok be fussy) it is not the mindset that shows any sound responsibility. As you admit low IQ how can you get work in other fields when a/ you dont know what occupation you want and b/ you arent qualified for those medium range jobs.

I dont see any reason to chase university or TAFE. There is too much pressure nowadays for every student to do that.

Re: " I don't want to jump into a full casual position without knowing wither I like the job or not, I don't know my working strengths or weaknesses or thresh holds with stress too". Again your mindset isnt pointing in the right direction. People normally give jobs a try first and see how they can fit into the role before they think "it isnt for me". Commonly they might well find it is ideal until a more ideal job in a more ideal profession comes along.

Factory jobs? I've had 90 jobs and 15 professions and one of the best jobs I've had was machine operator in a factory. Once I got a hand at working a certain machine my boss realised I had potential and raised me to supervisor, then another job came up as an assistant manager and that experience led to me starting up my own business. You wont ever get opportunities without accepting challenges, suitable or not.

I hope this helps.

TonyWK

Albert_247 · ‎04-10-2023

Thanks for your response, I've decided from what you have said to me that I will keep trying to break into a retail job through the help with my job recruiter, might even look into different factory jobs too and I'll give things a go, rather then believe it wouldn't be suitable for me, I can work up to 29 hours without having to worry about my pension being affected, so I have some choices thankfully

Albert_247 · ‎04-10-2023

I know not everyone is the same as the next person, But I often generalize society to be very vain and superficial or socially fake, I always feel the world is un forgiving and only your family loves you, and I don't think anyone should debate that as fiction

I just feel angry because I developed pre diabetes after years of pharmaceutical treatment and I've never had a apology from any of my doctors or even any compensation given to me

I feel society can diminish your esteem, they either make you feel less intelligent or insecure or normalize that it's ok to be mental in some way, I question wither it's even possible to find genuine love besides being loved by my mother. Everyone want's the best for just themselves

white knight · ‎04-10-2023

Thats the spirit. You've made my day. Sometimes we could all do with a little prodding.

TonyWK

white knight · ‎05-10-2023

Hi Albert, I answered your other thread.

Forgive me but I cant disagree more so I hope you hear me out.

Re: "and I don't think anyone should debate that as fiction" Freedom in any democracy is the right to opinions. You have yours but this statement is akin to shutting down others rights to debate, have an alternative view that can lead to debate. It is a matter of respecting others views, but having the right to hold them. If people restrict their "love" to only family, then one is doing themselves a great disservice. Family love can be destructive, manipulating and selfish. Finding love with someone outside of family is the basis for us finding a partner and having children is it not?

Developing diabetes is common. I am now diabetic 2 so is my wife. We are both nearly non diabetic since treatment began. I dont think you'll find anyone that expects an apology from their doctor and never an expectation of compensation. I'm wondering where you came to these conclusions? Friends ? Life is not perfect, humans including doctors arent perfect. Science, tests arent perfect. Your body isnt perfect. Why should others compensate you?

"Everyone want's the best for just themselves " In essence you are right there. Society, individuals can be selfish, we are after all - not joined, we are independent and although we rely on each other for many things we balance it as best as we can to make it all even out to make a society. There is many examples of people not being selfish. Take myself, here at beyondblue I spend 2 hours or more here daily helping others for what reward? zero payment is fact. My drive to be here is based on my past trauma with suicide attempt and bipolar etc and therefore want to save others from that same fate. If anything there is love in there , love for strangers like yourself,, the love that you say doesnt exist apart from your mother. No Albert, there are many people out there that have love in their heart so I suggest you try to meet them. Join a mens shed or group therapy or interest group and find out for yourself but beware- there are those out there that can harm you, just got to learn to dodge them and move onto the next person that might become the love of your life.

TonyWK

therising · ‎05-10-2023

Hi Albert

I can't help but wonder whether there is a philosopher in you who questions love in so many ways. 'What is love? Why can I not feel it in many cases? What leads me to feel it more from my mum than anyone else? What is wrong with human nature in the way of loving? Is love a soulful thing, a chemical thing, a psychological concept?' I imagine we could be hear all day wondering about love.

Personally, once I came to better define love (my own perception of it) I found why I could feel it easily at times but not at other times. I found why I could give it easily in some cases and why I struggled to give it freely in other cases. I discovered why society in general appears to lack it and also where in society it can be found in abundance. For me, love is found in evolution. Perhaps this is why I feel it most strongly towards my kids. While I'm invested in the growth or evolution of all people I love, it's my children's growth that drives me the most. Since the day they were born, it has been my job to grow them, to teach them, to guide them, support them, keep their mind open yet help them maintain a healthy skepticism. it's been my job to raise them when they feel down and to teach them how to raise themselves. The list goes on in regard to all the ways I love/evolve my kids. Perhaps this is one of the reasons why you feel loved most by your mum. Perhaps this is a part of her philosophy in raising you. We deeply loving mums tend to have a similar philosophy.

I always feel loved by those who lead me to evolve, especially above and beyond hardship, confusion, challenge, self doubt, depression, anxiety, a sense of hopelessness and more. I do not feel love from those who bring me down or stop me from evolving in constructive ways, for the purpose of serving themself. In society, love is not found in all the wrong places, it is found in all the right places. I think the media tends to thrive on showing us a lot of those wrong places, which can lead us to believe that love is sorely lacking in this world. I feel love when I see it (in action) and if I cannot see it or feel it, it's often because I'm looking in the wrong direction.❤️

Albert_247 · ‎06-10-2023

Thank you so much for your response therising, it was a amazing interesting read and I definitely agree with love being in the right places but not with the wrong people, and that the media does re enforce the negative more then any of the good stories

My mother loved me with understanding me and being selfless with giving great conversations, many people in my life treated me badly and my mother was the only person that either felt the same or loved me, Always grateful for mum. She made me feel to wake up early or get out from feeling sad and to keep going

One thing that has helped me is realizing I can't be upset about the things I can't change, I can only work around them

Albert_247 · ‎06-10-2023

Thanks so much white knight, I definitely agree with sort of seeming to be cutting off other opinions with saying to not debate my view as other then fiction, It was wrong to word myself like that, My diabetes is virtually in remission so it's in the best possible way it can be, one thing I took to heart was knowing I'm not the only one with diabetes, I only felt like the victim because it was caused from my prescribed pharmaceuticals and not through my eating habits. I agree with just forgetting and avoiding the ones you don't like and trying to find the people that make you feel better or like minded. I also agree family is limited personality and approach and the world is bigger to relate with and be inspired with and that life is all about growing and learning