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Struggling
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Anyone else really just struggling?? feeling misunderstood? Constantly being asked what’s wrong when clearly I’m dealing with depression and being so sick and tired of constantly saying, “it’s a part of my condition”. I feel like something tragic has to happen just to be understood. I’m so lost. So depressed. And at the same time, trying to get on my life, like no one just gets it.
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Hi Larra
I feel for you so much, I really do. I think depression can be a seriously tough thing to manage without there being wonderful people around us. What I mean by wonderful is full of wonder. With depression, I've found one of the many challenges can come down to being left alone to wonder 'What's wrong with me, why am I struggling so much? What can I do to make a difference that I can actually feel? Where the heck is my inner compass or anything that will give me some sense of direction toward what I need most in my life?' and the list goes on. But when you've got wonderful people around you, wondering about all of those things with you, it's called brainstorming and much needed support. On the other hand, there's no sense of wonder or direction in comments like 'You just need to get on with life. You'll be right. You're too sensitive, you need to toughen up' etc etc. In response, 1)How do I get on with life? 2)How will I be right? And 3)hell, yeah, I'm sensitive. How else do you think I'm able to sense there's something depressing going on? The question becomes 'What is it exactly?'.
I think sometimes you just can't win. Kinda like when you're left alone to wonder and when people observe this, they can tend to say 'You're always over analysing things'. I hit on a revelation one day that's become my basic response to that comment...'How else do you think I'm going to analyse the hell out of my life'.
I believe the only people who really get it are the ones who can relate to it. Not even mental health practitioners will fully get it unless they can relate to the feelings that come with depression, having had their own experience with those feelings. From the brink of depression all the way down to rock bottom and everything in between, finding our self in that depression or well-like experience means the light at the end of the tunnel becomes the light at the top of the tunnel. The question then becomes 'How do I raise myself?'. Sometimes we need wonderful people to help raise us bit by bit.