Self harm

[Guest_72381404]

Ok hi everyone. I am 13, (female) and i have really bad depression. I self harm, and i have scars covering my whole left arm. I have no family. I am in foster care. I was wondering why self harm is labled as bad, because its better than suicide. But also I dont want scars because they're ugly. My foster family dont know how to helo when I have episodes, and they are trying, but its not helping. Are there any good alternatives to self harm? I've tried squeezing ice cubes and stuff but nothing works. And how do I communicate my needs to my foster family? I personally dont even know what i need sooo... anyway thanks guys :3

[SipSip7_7]

Heyy. First I just wanted to say im really sorry that you've had to do through all this 🫶

I'm also 13(female) and also have self harmed before.

You mentioned that your wondering why self harm is labelled as as because it better than suicide. But it's not that act in itself. It's the intent behind the action(to put it simply, it's more that). It can also be labelled as bad because, obviously, it it still a physical injury that may need medical attention depending on the severity.

I'm not sure if they're are good alternatives to self harm. Bur I have tried drawing a butterfly in that area and nd naming it after someone who wants to help you heal(physically and emotionally). It can be anyone.

I also found that the urge to self harm fades after a while. So try to distract yourself, even just for ten minutes, and the impulse might fade.

If you wanted to mention these feelings to your foster family,it might feel intimidating, so an option is to write it in a letter. What's on your min, specific needs, ways they could potentially help, etc. You don't have to write it all if it Is overwhelming, but you can give it to them and have them read it and ask them to come and talk to you after they've looked through the letter.

I really hope that I could help a bit or at least support you in knowing that people care and can maybe offer advice. :3 thankss

[therising]

The warmest of welcomes to you at a time in your life that is challenging you so deeply in so many ways.

While self harm is not bad compared to suicide, you could say it's not good compared to the alternative of self understanding and self development. The big question comes down to 'What kind of self understanding and what kind of self development do I need to be considering?'. For a start, greater self understanding may relate to the question 'Why do I self harm?' and self development could relate to developing new management strategies and skills that replace self harm.

While there can be a whole variety of forms of self harm, many of them come down to coping strategies. Drinking excessively or relying on drugs can relate to coping with certain challenging emotions. Self harm of the skin on our body could relate to coping with not feeling any happiness or excitement. With pain, endorphins are released which create a sense of a high. Or this type of self harm can relate to coping with no sense of control, with the idea 'At least I can control what I do to myself' or maybe it's about coping with self hatred or maybe something else. Another form of self harm can relate to emotional eating, another way of coping with challenging emotions. With a greater level of self understanding, we can work out exactly what we're trying to cope with. As a 55yo gal, I can relate to a variety of self harming ways of coping, including your own form of self harm (back around when I around 16).

Definitely hard to know exactly what it is we need at times. I also struggle with this occasionally myself. Seeing we'll always have certain needs throughout life, depending on where we're at, I've found it pays to work out how to gain a greater sense of what the needs may be. Not sure if you're into any of the 'woo woo' stuff but I find developing intuition to be helpful when it comes to gaining a better sense of certain needs. Kind of like learning how to lean into them while seeing, hearing or feeling what comes to mind. For example, you could question 'What is it that I need most right now?' and what could suddenly come to mind could be the words 'A more solid and exciting sense of self to actually enjoy and be proud of'. You might feel that revelation as liberating in some way. You could then ask 'What does that look like?' and what suddenly comes to mind could be an image (in your imagination) of you further developing your intuition through reading books on the subject. You might even find that in developing this sense of self or who you naturally are replaces the need for self harm. So, while squeezing ice cubes has no impact on you, developing more into who you naturally are (a highly intuitive person, for example) becomes a game changer.

You are born to do more than self harm and squeeze ice cubes, you are born to be you. The ultimate question comes down to 'Who the heck am I?'. That is the first question or step on the quest for self understanding and self development. Btw, finding the best guides on such a quest is key.❤️