regretting ever seeking help

[Sparkles183]

A few months ago I could see myself slipping back into depression, so I went to the GP to get a mental health plan. Now I am regretting ever seeking help as everything I have tried does not seem to work which frustrates me and makes me angry inside.

 I see both a psychologist and my GP every few weeks but in reality I don’t know why I bother they both must think I am a drama queen and wasting their time it is not like they listen to me anyway. And my psychologist even told me that I am choosing to walk in depression (which annoyed me because I know that it is not true)

I tried meds a few weeks ago but had a bad reaction to them and I am not allowed to try anything else until 4 to 5 weeks after my last dose.

 This is the first time I ever reached out to get medical attention for my depression and follow through with the treatment plan, but now I am regretting it as I feel it has triggered my anxiety more than anything. I faced an 18 month battle of depression on and off and won once before without any help. Even though this depressive episode has only been for the last few months some reason it feels different and kind of worse as I can no longer cry anymore but really feel like I need to cry

 I know I need help to get through this depressive episode but when I do reach out for help no one listens to me. And they say I am choosing to walk in depression. I faced this battle once before and won without any help and I know I can do it again.

[Sparkles183]

Hi everyone

 I started my new meds the other day and I feel like it made both my depression and anxiety levels a lot higher.

 I don’t know if this is normal or not when someone is starting a new medication. I feel like if I ask GP about it she will think I am a Drama Queen, and I am way too busy in the next week to go back to my GP. I am just wondering has anyone experienced this?

 It is just my luck at the moment trying my 2nd medication and it has the opposite effect on me. I feel like I just want to flush my meds down the toilet and go out bush to hide away from this world.( but I know that is not the answer)

I can no longer trust any psychologist for help

 I can no longer trust the church for help

 And now it is looking like I don’t know if I should continue taking this medication

I now no longer know what to do. I wish this depression and anxiety will just leave me. I can longer help myself and can no longer trust the professional’s for help.

[HA1]

Hi Sparkles

I guess any changes in medication will have some type of effect - the exact nature of effect will (I suspect) depend on the individual.  But in my case, I became more 'flat' - and felt a bit dopey. The flatness sounds on the surface like a good thing, but far from it. I was left with no emotion (although naturally an emotional type), and walking around with extreme feeling of pressure in my head.  Oh, and don't forget, sleepiness - more so than ever before.  Is it a change for the better?  Not sure - the jury is still out.  I have said to myself that I want to give the meds a chance.  My partner thanks I have become a different person yet again. 

Not sure that I have actually provided you with any help here 😞

Take care

K

[Sparkles183]

Thank You AOK for your help

I guess there is quite a few of us that is trying the medication thing and The medication will work different on  us all.

I am going to continue taking my medication Until I see my GP after my exams.

 I relay do hope the medication will work for you and them side effects will go away soon (if they have not already)

 I guess I am just relay inpatient right now I have exams coming up and I am in a Bad way I wish, could wave a magic wand and this nightmare I live in will go away, it will be so easy for me to give up right now but I know I can’t

Sparkles

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[HA1]

Hey Sparkles!

You are most welcome - I am glad if there was even a smidgin of help you could draw from my previous post.

You are strong.  It must be especially difficult for you to go through this plus the exam pressures, so work especially hard on staying physically healthy. Also very pleased to hear that you will continue to take the medication(a noter sign of strength) I am sure that giving up is not for you, hang in there and you will feel better soon.

When are your exams?

Take care & make sure you keep posting to let us know how you are feeling.  

K

[White_Rose]

So sorry not to get back to you earlier. My computer died and I have just got a new one. Desktop this time. Laptops are the pits. Now I need to learn how to drive this one.

I can appreciate your frustration with the new medication and feeling worse. As AOK said, the outcome is never predictable. But it can take a little time for the meds to kick in and for the body to adjust to something new.  Hang in there!

Why do you distrust psychologists? I think I have asked you this before so if I am treading on toes please say so. If you did not get on with one psych, try another. They are not all alike. I can empathize with you about the church. Some of the folk there say the stupidest things. However, hang on to what you know to be true. I am considering leaving the church but I hope my belief will stay intact.

Doctors do their best and are generally quite skilled. This change of medication may be good for you if you can wait a short time to let it work. I doubt doctors would find you a drama queen. They just respond to the situation and help you to get well.

I felt a bit like that the other day when I phoned my doctor. I saw her at the begining of the week as was told I had bronchitis. Most uncomfortable. The next day I started to cough up blood so I phoned to check if this was normal. She was very matter-of-fact and said I had done the right thing in contacting her. And there was nothing to worry about. Can you give your doctor a ring?

You are really all over the shop at the moment and the slightest thing upsets you. Exams are very stressful. Not sure if they are the best way to check a student's knowledge but it is convenient for teachers and lecturers. I know it's easy for me to say, but can you put aside some of your concerns and focus on the most immediate task which I imagine is preparing for your exams. One step at a time.

Sending you an electronic hug.

Mary

[Sparkles183]

  Thank you AOK and Mary for your Reponses and kind and encouraging words.

To be honest I find it hard to respond right now.

I am ok I guess (although I have better) and I have been trying my best to look after myself

Just a lot of stress at the moment.

 Mary I hope you are feeling better I relay loved the words you said a few post ago that the only way to go through it is to go through it. Please don’t be afraid to ask me any Question’s you are not stepping on any toes, sometimes I do need to be challenged. And it has given me things to think about.    

Aok. Your words about being strong and staying on the medication  was very reassuring that I am doing the right thing. so thank you

My exams start next Wednesday and runs for about 2 weeks I am looking forward to the end of the exams then I know I can breathe again then focus on getting well. Over the next 2 weeks my exams will be my life. Then I am planning a holiday to see my best friend in Sydney. Hopefully that will help me a little bit.   

 Thank you both for your kind words and responses I never ever knew that strangers would be so caring and helpful.

Sparkles

[HA1]

Hi Sparkles

Your absolutely welcome!  

There is no better feeling and, in my case, no better medicine than knowing that you are helping others.

Don't forget the exam study essential, big lolly jar, few blocks of chocolate and a pot of coffee. Ahh it worked for me.

Enjoy, and take care,

K

[Sparkles183]

Hi everyone

 Does life get any easier?

 Well I hope so, I have been finding it hard to study.

It feels like I just sleep and stare at the wall all day. Now on week 2 of my meds still no effect but been told it can take up to 6 weeks.

Exams on both Wednesday and Thursday fingers crossed. 

Sparkles

[bzb]

Dear Sparkles,

 Hi, I have read your posts and I want to say, yes, life does get better. 

It takes courage and strength to ask for assistance, well done.Be proud of yourself for seeking assistance 🙂

I have been where you are. I had to use medication to help me. I had to try a couple different ones as some of the side effects where very difficult. But, I was able to find the right medication, and yes, I hear you, I wanted it to start working immediately as I was concerned about being able to cope, but I did. As other people have written, take one step at a time, baby steps, and be kind to yourself.

As others have said, there are different psychologists who work differently. Even though you may only have 3 sessions left, if you feel you need it, perhaps once your exams are over, seek another psychologist, as finding someone you trust is essential. I did, so please don't give up. The right psychologist is out there for you.

You mentioned people who were part of the church made comments about your depression. I believe in God, and that he is a loving God. That is why we have doctors. And how is depression different to cancer? Both need treatment because they are serious.

I too, was told that it was my thinking was a major factor in my depression. I didn't understand this as I thought it was just a chemical imbalance in the brain. However, with Cogntive Behaviour Therapy, I was able to get in control of my depression along with the use of medication.

Please don't give up, remember you are not alone and there are many of us who have been through what you are experiencing. Getting through your exams while you're struggling also demonstrates strength and courage. It's not easy, I know.

I hope this helps in some way.

Take care 🙂

[depressed]

Dear Sparkles,

Hi & welcome. Depression is a right royal pain when you have important things to do and it gets in the way. I too have studied with depression and work is the biggest chore when your down. but a very wise pycholigist told me 'fake it until you make it' He said this when I was almost at my lowest. He said pretend to smile on the outside, and eventually you can smile on the inside. You are a very strong person. Don't let depression beat you!! it is a serious medical diagnosis, but it is just that a diagnosis, not what you are made of, your personality and strength will see you through, keep smiling.

Take care

De