regretting ever seeking help

[Sparkles183]

A few months ago I could see myself slipping back into depression, so I went to the GP to get a mental health plan. Now I am regretting ever seeking help as everything I have tried does not seem to work which frustrates me and makes me angry inside.

 I see both a psychologist and my GP every few weeks but in reality I don’t know why I bother they both must think I am a drama queen and wasting their time it is not like they listen to me anyway. And my psychologist even told me that I am choosing to walk in depression (which annoyed me because I know that it is not true)

I tried meds a few weeks ago but had a bad reaction to them and I am not allowed to try anything else until 4 to 5 weeks after my last dose.

 This is the first time I ever reached out to get medical attention for my depression and follow through with the treatment plan, but now I am regretting it as I feel it has triggered my anxiety more than anything. I faced an 18 month battle of depression on and off and won once before without any help. Even though this depressive episode has only been for the last few months some reason it feels different and kind of worse as I can no longer cry anymore but really feel like I need to cry

 I know I need help to get through this depressive episode but when I do reach out for help no one listens to me. And they say I am choosing to walk in depression. I faced this battle once before and won without any help and I know I can do it again.

[Sparkles183]

Hi Shelby

Thank you for your kind and encouraging words

By the time I go to the new psychologist that will be 2 months since I have seen a Psych. But that is my fault relay as I  am stubborn and decided I was not going to see a new Psych again just because I had a bad experience  with my old one and I also thought I could do it on my own.

I am so glad so glad that my GP gave me no choice and done me up a new mental health plan as I now know that I can no longer fight this on my own and I need all the help I can get.

It is good to hear that you found help out of going to the ER, that is very brave of you I don’t think I ever could be that brave

Next month I be starting 5 weeks straight of work experience and the time I catch the train to the city and back it will work out to be 12 hour days 5 days a week and I be working in a highly stressful environment, I am not looking forward to that but I know if I want to graduate before the end of year I have to go on placement otherwise I have to wait another 6 months.

Considering if I go out of the house for a few hours at the moment I sleep for the rest of the day I know it will be hard and still need to  get a medical clearance to go on placement but I know I can do it.

I found out my shifts last week and it does clash with my first appointment and I almost cancelled because it clashed with my shift, but I decided I need to look after my health and wellbeing and even if I do have a day or 2 off to go to appointments I will still have the required hours to be able graduate so am no longer going to cancel the appointment anymore and going to have the day off instead. 

Thank you so much for Listening and take care

Sparkles

[Sparkles183]

Hi everyone

I just thought I give you a little bit of an update on what’s been happening.

 Last week I started the online CBT cause and so far it has given me a lot to think about and made me realise how many of my everyday thoughts are negative and they can be changed.

I also started my work experience this week and I have 4 more weeks of work experience   before I graduate. So things are currently ok for me sometimes my days are ok and sometimes I think I can’t make it through the day without hiding under the bed, but I manage to push on and make it through the day.

Things are still far away from being a 100% and I think I am a long way away from a full recovery but I am learning to manage my anxiety and depression a little bit better.

I also have my first appointment with the new psychologist next week I am little bit nervous because the way I was treated with my old psychologist, I just hope my new psychologist will treat me better. I know it is a huge step forward for me going to see a psychologist again but I know I need to take that step.

Thanks for listening

Sparkles

[Sparkles183]

Hi everyone,

I don’t know if anyone is  still reading this anymore but I thought I give an update anyway since so many people encouraged me to go and seek help from another psychologist.

 I had my first appointment today with a new psychologist and she was great, when I did tell her what happened with my old psychologist she confirmed with me what I suspected that some of the things my old psychologist  said to me   was inappropriate conduct and it is a reportable offence. (A lot of the stuff that I told her that happened with my old psychologist I could not mention on the forums)

So now I got to work up the courage to report him, as I don’t want anyone else to go through what I went through. 

I just want to thank everyone who did encourage  me to go to another psychologist, as she is amazing although she is very popular and hard to get an appointment with, I feel real comfortable talking to her and I can see myself connecting with her.

Thanks for listening

Sparkles

[Snoman]

Yay Sparkles, glad you found a suitable psych.  It will make a great deal of difference.

I am also pleased that you intend to report your previous psych.  It will be tough, but what a good thing to do to protect those following you.

Keep us posted on how that process is going for you. 

Sno 🙂

[Sparkles183]

Thanks sno

I am still working up the courage to write up a report I am glad that I can make a report online as I don’t think I can ever make a report over the phone or in person.

I have no choice but make a report to the proper authority’s and until the other day I had no Idea who to report him to as he has his own private practice and is his own boss.

 Last night I started to write a list of things occurred during our consultations as I have to provide as much information as possible.

For everyone who is reading this some things that did occur during our consultations on our 6th session he joked around saying he must be in love with me and I better watch out, (he said that because he already had my 7th and 8th sessions booked in.) this kind of freaked me out and I did try to tell him I felt uncomfortable but he kept on talking over the top of me  repeating that joke. Because I did not tell him to stop  I think he may get away with it but my point of view is he is a professional and he knew that I was taken advantage of as a teenager by older man so words like that coming from an older man made me feel real uncomfortable.

I did go back for the 7th session only because I thought I had no choice , and during that session he told me my head was full of S**** and I am choosing to walk in depression and I should not go running to the GP to get antidepressants  every time I get depressed.

During that session  I spent the whole session looking at the door and came home and wrote this thread and found out I could go see another psychologist under the mental health plan so I cancelled the rest of the sessions.

Until the other day I felt it was my fault and the biggest thing my new psych was concerned is I felt worse and sometimes even suicidal after each sessions. And after one of the sessions a few months ago it was the closest I ever got but I had to stop myself, and I still get flash backs from that moment.

My psych told me no one should have to feel that way after sessions sometimes you may feel a little bit worse because they bring you back to an event or whatever but these was just normal sessions so that’s a bit concerning.

Anyway I let you know when I write up the report

Take care

Sparkles

[Snoman]

Wow Sparkles,

I'm not trained in therapy and even I know better than to say things like that.  Both instances were highly inappropriate.  I have noticed that everyone in these forums are careful to avoid things like that.  We are just nice, untrained people fighting through our worst moments, any we still know better.

Stick to your guns.

Sno

[Sparkles183]

thanks Sno

I just finished writing an online complaint, and now I can feel I can breath fresh air again, they said it will take up to 2 weeks to get back to me, but I figure even if nothing is done this time at least the authority's will have my complaint on record and if someone else makes a complaint something maybe done then.

thanks for listening

Sparkles

[Jo3]

Hi Sparkles

I would like to say to you - well done and good on you!!!

Sometimes it is difficult to complain about a professional but you are doing the right thing. 

Good luck with everything

Jo

[Sparkles183]

Thanks Joe,

for your encouragement it was hard to do but I know I had to make the complaint. I will let every one know when I hear back from them.

take care

sparkles  

[Sparkles183]

hi Sno & Jo

just thought I let you know that I found out recently that my complaint was approved for investigation. In one way that is a great thing but the negative thing I see in that is since I made the complaint my anxiety levels has been a lot higher and I have too much going on in my life at the moment which does not help but that is my fault really for deciding to take too much on with work, Christmas and a possibility on moving to the other side of the country after Christmas. ( I know this is a giant step I am taking as two weeks is not enough time to pack up and leave.) so this investigation and everything else going on has made me a bit distressed.

 I guess the good thing about doing work experience at the moment is it gives me something to wake up to and go to work as I know the way I am feeling right now if I had nothing on I will stay in bed for the next week. Anyway I will let you know the outcome I still doubt anything will happen as my word against his.

Thanks for your support

Sparkles