outacontroll

[Zman]

Hi all,

This is my first post...just a brief outline of myself. Im a 52 y/o male, lost parents in my 20,s. married 3 kids then divorced , then sole parent of my kids after the X fell into heavy drugs. Met a woman at 36 y/o  we had twin girls,(now 14). when twins were 6 months we separated and she moved 400km away.and dont see them much anymore. Now with the best woman in the world (5yrs) and we have one kid each living at home both males early 20s.

I lose my temper more often at kids,and last time was physical wrestle with my son,ive lost interest in my landscape business and it has all but folded, lost interest in my m/cycle resto and Many other things, my son is moving out and im tired of feeling like the bad guy cos no one understands.

I have been diagnosed with moderate depression... no meds,  yet the sadness, moodiness,paranoia, and feelings of social isolation and fear of losing every thing is overwhelming. I think that over the last couple of years things have got progresively harder to deal with and i have built up a resentment to the young men in my house who are living for nothing  dont have the understanding or care about the pressures or me, without sounding about ME im just so scared to deal with or face nearly anyone except my fiancee...i feel im a little out of controll and will try to work through this without meds,LIFE IS TOO SHORT, im gunna kick this black dog.

Bye.

[white knight]

Hi Zman,  welcome to beyond blue forums

Well mate, you've had a roller coaster life so far and I agree with you with everything except when you mention no meds.

Meds are a critical part of recovery and more importantly continuous recovery, as is therapy, financial security, less contact with nasty people and spiritual happiness.

I tried over 12 meds before mood stabilisers hit the mark and never looked back. The more stable moos has helped repair damage with me and others.

Maybe try a second opinion with doctor and psych. And, I look at taking meds as no big deal- shrug it off and just take them.

Also use search to read the following threads (even just the first post)-

Depression- a ship on the high seas

Forgiveness and forgetting

Medication is a whirlpool

Being positive- what's the secret?

Take care and post anytime.  Tony WK

[geoff]

dear Zman, any responsibleadult should be contributing to their share of the household that's only being fair, and if they refuse then out they go.

By having depression isn't a sign of weakness, it's an illness, and I can relate to your business folding under, because that's exactly what happened with my own business.

I know that you have said you don't want to take any med's, but you have to understand that even moderate depression will escalate into long term depression, and by taking them, well the majority of us do, is no failure on your point.

It's a big decision to make but perhaps go and talk to your GP. Geoff.

[Zman]

Thanks guys for your response, things have subsided for now but most of the same feelings are still there !.

feelings of guilt and failure are still there and i am pretty sure that my kids and even step kids look at me as an angry failure which does make things somewhat worse, and even when i have tried to explain they fob me off as being weak or just a loser.

My kids are disapointed subtely and my steppies treat me as if i am non existant now, like not including my name on cards etc and all but ignoring me, i wiped there proverbial backsides for many years and then it all changed.

Thank god my missus and dog are cool and my white dog does help subdue the black one....... time will tell.

Stay safe all.