Section for people with financial difficulties?

[Turkeyman]

Often I would like to seek assistance with the problems associated with having too many bills, no money and trying to get by in life with this problem. I'm sure I am not the only person struggling financially due to work problems or health issues and was wondering if you could set up a forum that deals with the struggles of being broke and not coping with lack of money? I know there are places like CARE financial services and charities, but these folks don't want to talk about the emotional side of things, only the options [or lack of options] available and it'd be good to vent with others who understand the hardships.

[white knight]

Hi Turkeyman

What I do know about is the insecurity, emotional pain associated with being financially poor.

As a young man I had no idea of my mental illnesses- bipolar 2, dysthymia, depression and anxiety. My first pay cheque as an airman in the RAAF at 17 years old went towards a deposit for a getto blaster. I had dreams of saving money and those dreams never eventuated until my 40's. Cars came a went as the desire to own certain cars was out of control and hence the hire purchase agreements piled up. With not enough money for rent and food it was depressing- understatement.

Nowadays we need two cars if a long way from public transport, two insurance premiums, two services, and so on....did I mention mobile phone bills, anti virus programs, all sorts of bills. Financial stress in terms of its effect on the mentally ill is very underestimated.

Hence in a few of my threads I mention to consider trading down in house size and location. Even moving to a rural area. This can halve your rent/mortgage but getting work could cause another problem. Some say "but I want to stay in the city". If you cant financially cope in the city then you have to move- period.

Anyone feeling stressed over finances I would suggest for them to be bold and sensible. Trade down your car and/or house and lower your debt. Dont over react and take on a second job if you cannot cope with it or it can be counter productive if you have a meltdown. Accept that being poor doesnt mean not enjoying yourself. Kick expensive habits and dont let it get to you.

Bad financial situations dont last forever.

Tony WK

[Turkeyman]

Thanks for the supportive words. Yup, been through the whole car phase too, mind you I never got close to the car I dreamed of either.

I went through bankruptcy just after the birth of our first child and learned a lot from that, but it hasn't stopped the financial problems returning.

The root of our current woes is my being injured almost two years ago. It left us struggling on WC and we are still suffering 5 months after I have returned to work again. Now my back is stuffed and I don't know how much longer I can keep going before quitting work. If I was to start on a level playing field our budget balances out, but only just. The problem is catching up on the debts that piled up when I was on 70% wages. Every week I am going into another payment arrangement in order to keep an essential service connected or prevent creditors taking possession of the car. This always means that a different bill must go unpaid and I keep chasing my tail but get no closer to catching up on things, rather I get further behind and wonder where next week's fuel and grocery bills are coming from.

I thought 12 months ago that "it doesn't rain forever", but the deluge keeps pouring and gets heavier by the day. We have no expensive hobbies, actually we have no hobbies whatsoever. We never go anywhere, rarely eat takeaway, our kids miss out on sports, school camps, even birthday parties because we can't afford any of that. I pretty much gave up drinking [doesn't mix with the pain meds I am on] and haven't been fishing since August. There's costly medical expenses I need to get my back hopefully fixed but we won't see that kind of dollars anytime soon.

My car is a $900 bomb and our other financed car is only 3 months away from being paid off so we can't trade down. Moving interstate to the country would be a nice idea if there was work there, but in my physical condition presently it'd be tough against any fit and healthy competitors to get a job in a market that barely exists. The only thing we have to look forward to is that my wife is only 6 months away from getting her advanced diploma and getting a job of her own. She starts work part time in January, but her car will be unregistered next week and she needs to pay for her insurances and memberships prior to starting. Where am I going to find that money from? Even our plans to get ahead are gazumped by being poor.

Sorry to rant, I know this isn't the right place but that's why I posted the question.

[white knight]

Hi T,

I have no answers. You are doing your best....there is nothing more you can do. It is also very expensive to put kids through school. I dotn agree with all the excursions and expensive costs either.

Society is based on 2 incomes, full incomes. Dont feel guilty, many men lose their superman powers so its time to accept you no longer have them. But your wisdom can be a wonderful tool to get you by. Utilise it but dont try to exceed beyond what you are capable of. That will erode your positivity away.

Remain realistic.

Tony  WK

[Ross_x7]

I am 40. In 2007 I was worth millions of dollars, lived in a great house and was a partner in a successful business. I had a beautiful wife with 1 beautiful baby daughter. After that we had another 2 children. Now they are 7 , 5 and 3

I have about $20 in my pocket. No house, no car, some clothes and my watch. I have found it impossible to get any kind of paid work - not even stacking shelves.

I have been dealing with major depression for well over a year, my marriage is likely going to end and I have considered suicide a number of times as my life is still insured. I am spending NYE alone

I cannot face my friends or my family.  I keep hearing people being incredulous that I cannot find a job. I don't think anything is beneath me and I work very hard but nothing. The guilt
I feel is overwhelming and crushing.

It is my new years resolution to finally do something about
my depression

I have seen psychologists but mostly found their advice a bit meaningless.

I decided on Boxing Day that I wouldn't go through with suicide. I could not stand what it would do to my children. Life is a real struggle for me. I never really failed at anything in my younger years but now I think my failures are too numerous to list.

Thats is it really - I just wanted to let some stuff out. Thanks for reading  



beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

 

[white knight]

Hi Ross.x7,

Thankyou for posting and being straight to the point.

I bid you good luck for 2015. And well done in thinking of your children during bad times.

Stay positive.

Tony  WK

[Turkeyman]

Thanks Ross.x7, glad to hear you are keeping up the fighting spirit. Yup, the kids are definitely an anchor that keeps us afloat in this storm and I'm clinging onto them and my partner for security.

I also spent 6 months looking for work, with the extra barrier of not being 100% fit and also came up empty. It is discouraging to say the least but knowing that you aren't the only one and that many, many more are doing it tough is something of a comfort. It let's us know that there isn't anything wrong with us or what we are doing, it just simply is the way things are at the moment.

All the best for your new year's resolution and I offer you my support here on BB forums, such as it is, we have anonymous friends here who can truly sympathize and are willing to listen.

Cheers.

[Chris_B]

Hi Turkeyman,

Thanks for posting this. What we've done in the past when people have requested we start a new section is to start by creating a "sticky thread" on the topic and see if there's enough demand from there to expand it into an entire section. 

Sticky threads are threads that are pinned to the top of existing sections so that users see them first when logging in - I've made this thread into a sticky and moved it to the Depression section so it has some higher profile.

Especially after the Christmas/New Year season, I imagine there will be a lot of people feeling the pinch and needing to talk about the emotional effects these pressures can have.

[white knight]

Hi everyone,

It occured to me in another thread- children grow to be adults and some aspects of adulthood are assumed to be learned automatically.

 How many parents here went to parent school or read up on how to be a parent? Some not all. What if you were not taught financial responsibility? And worse still...how many of us here have illness that doesnt allow us to carry out those responsibilities to turn them into savings?

Saving money for me as a child was never in me. My older brother saved heaps, younger sister saved well, me- nope. too impulsive, too anxious and always had a dream fulfilled when money came my way. Until something happened- I married a financially responsible lady that had the ability to curve me towards her ways, use tact to bring me around to her style of thinking. The major improvement was to drag out my dreams, my compulsions, to make me wait for that next item of wonder rather than get more debt.

A financially responsible partner is a good step. But if you dont have one, you marry a partner that is like you, then you both need to acknowledge this as a problem that needs outside help in the form of a financial planner of similar person.

Bankruptcy.  It isnt such a big deal. It hurts your pride, you go for some time with a limit of debt possible, so you can still get credit to buy whitegoods etc.

The biggest failure of persons that go bankrupt is ?  That most think their problems are over when they are discharged only to repeat them. They usually do not seek outside assistance, to learn what they failed to learn as a child in financial management or as I said - overcome impulsive urges that are part of their illness.

Dont be afraid of admitting to yourself that you are not good with money. Some arent good with mathematics or mechanics or gardening. So dont take it personal but do take it as an issue that needs to be addressed.

That would make you sensible and responsible - two things lacking in good money management. And seek help if impulsive.

Tony  WK

[Zoomah]

I'm good with money. I've hardly ever had debt and any i did have, my car, I paid of quickly. However, even though I'm never in debt, I always struggle financially. This has become so much worse now that I struggle to work. What I find hard is trying to get through the government beaurocracy to get financial assistance. They definitely don't want you to have an easy time of it.

 The hardest part is trying to eat healthy and pay for medical bills when you don't have much money. I did a little trial and found I spent nearly half as much money if I didn't eat the desired amount of fruit and veges and just stuck to fast food. Definitely not a good option for our brain. Does anyone have any good, cheap, ideas for ways to get healthy food? And gardening is not an option for me as it's too expensive to set up initially (bad soil here), I hate gardening and it's not reliable. (The Sun, insects or birds can wipe it out so easy)