Depression

I think I need help

replies: 8

I wake up and drag myself out of bed for what I don't know why. I think I've been on a downward spiral for the last few years. I start crying at the drop of a hat. My temper just explodes. I don't have anyone to talk to. I don't want to leave to the ... View more

I wake up and drag myself out of bed for what I don't know why. I think I've been on a downward spiral for the last few years. I start crying at the drop of a hat. My temper just explodes. I don't have anyone to talk to. I don't want to leave to the house. I have no immediate family to talk. My only brother doesn't seem to care he just thinks about his own life and hasn't included me in his life for many years to him I'm just an annoyance. Everyday things just seem to be become more of chore. It's an effort to shower. My Mum was diagnosed with lung cancer and secondary brain tumor over 5 years ago and at time of diagnosis was give 3 months to live. She fought hard and is still alive. I gave up my job to become her fulltime carer. I am a single mum to my daughter who was diagnosed with depression a couple of years ago. I always promised my Mum I would not place her in a nursing but due to circumstances that was not possible and she was placed in care in January this year as it became too much without any family support. Everything seems to closing in. I will soon have no income to support myself or my daughter to cover the cost of rent or where my next meal will come. It is worth going on. Sometimes I just think why bother no one will miss you anyway my life is worthless. How can I help my daughter if I'm in this situation. What do I do??? Where do I go??? The last doctor I saw didn't want to talk about it and said I'm stressed it's just part of life and you have to deal with it. But I'm not dealing with beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

First step - but scared

replies: 10

Hi, this is my first post on here, it has taken me awhile to build up the strength to do it. A little about myself, I'm 24 f & I have a wonderful supportive partner of 6 years. I have suffered from depression for as long as I have known (I have not b... View more

Hi, this is my first post on here, it has taken me awhile to build up the strength to do it. A little about myself, I'm 24 f & I have a wonderful supportive partner of 6 years. I have suffered from depression for as long as I have known (I have not been to the dr to be diagnosed though but this is what this post is about), I also recently found out that both my Mum & Grandma had been diagnosed with depression. However over the last probably 6 months I feel that I am getting worse and worse. Things range from its feels like someone is flicking a switch & I just turn from being happy to being instantly annoyed about something most of the time its very minor & this feeling can last for days, I get excessively tired even after having a solid 8-10 hour sleep. Even something as simple as my partner not being home from work by the time I get home which is through no fault of his own (delayed public transport) which he is excellent at telling me about at the time it is running late, but I don't know why, I just hold it against him for days & its like I switch off, I have no emotion, I don't want him to touch me, talk to me, I don't want to watch any tv, hardly eat, & try to push him away in the hopes that he will give up on me & bring up every little minor thing that he may have done that week in the hopes of keeping the argument going. I want to go to the Dr desperately, because as much as I don't show my partner any emotion during these episodes, it breaks my heart when he says that when he met me my good days were probably 80/100 but now he has recognised that they are at about 50/100 (I hope this makes sense) & he breaks down in tears saying that he just wants me to get help. Another thing to mention is that in the past 18 months I have lost about 70kg, which I thought me being overweight was aiding my depression in regards to not feeling good about myself, but since loosing the weight my moods & feeling helpless/alone/down/suicidal/no strength to go on, seems to have only gotten worse. I am scared to go to the Dr for the following reasons: - I don't want them to put me into a clinic & don't want to have to disclose any of the information in regards to my mental health to my work - I don't want the medication that they put me on to make me worse - I also do not want to put on any weight due to the medication If anyone else had the same concerns as me before going to the DR I would love to hear. beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636

I should be happy, but there's a weight pulling me down

replies: 3

So this is my first step in trying to get myself sorted. Today I finally admitted a lot of things to myself and said it out loud to my partner. I am on anti depressants as to begin with I was taking them for nerve damage. I'm 27 and have just found o... View more

So this is my first step in trying to get myself sorted. Today I finally admitted a lot of things to myself and said it out loud to my partner. I am on anti depressants as to begin with I was taking them for nerve damage. I'm 27 and have just found out that my fiance (we've been together for nearly 9 years, engaged for 3 1/2) is pregnant. While I am happy about this there's something behind the scenes draining me. It makes me angry and sad all at the same time, half the time without warning. I'm currently dealing with a workers compensation claim. I injured my shoulder back in Sept last year, there was a lot of BS being thrown at me because there wasn't a diagnosis within the first month. Late Dec I find out there's a tear in the joint. This is when I noticed I had started shutting down to friends and family. I didn't enjoy most of my hobbies anymore More BS ensues with the surgeon, it took his office 3 1/2 months to book in surgery. I felt defeated during this ordeal, I couldn't do anything to make it or myself better. It's now 2 months down the track and I'm getting worse. I don't drink often, but when I have recently it's been to the point where my memory is patchy or I make myself sick. I have smoked marijuana for quite a few years, to begin with it was pain management due to an old injury. But recently it has been to become numb to my situation, it's easier to just not think about it than deal with it head on. My anger is getting harder to control and I have no idea how to deal with the extreme low/sadness I feel at the same time. I'm still shutting people and hobbies out, even my partner sometimes.I don't want to burden them with my crap (this is how I see it) as everyone has their problems. But right now I'm drowning, my head is only just above the water. I know my situation isn't that bad compared to most, but it truly is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel whilst it keeps sucking you back into the darkness.I have had a few suicidal thoughts, but now I have to get it together for my fiance and my future child. I still feel worthless, most people don't know about these issues as I'm the sort of guy to put on a brave face to try and help them. beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

i have had depression for many years

replies: 6

i have had depression for many years and am taking antidepressants to help it. too much pressure on myself by other people brought it on. Plus my life with my husband and kids varies all the time. In the good times it is ok but in the bad times i am ... View more

i have had depression for many years and am taking antidepressants to help it. too much pressure on myself by other people brought it on. Plus my life with my husband and kids varies all the time. In the good times it is ok but in the bad times i am very depressed,have anxiety,stress and get upset easily. during the past year and half it has been hard as my husband was unemployed and our finances were tough. I would like any suggestions on how to cope and help myself in my down times.

Feel beaten and failed

replies: 5

Hi Everyone. Thank you for sharing your stories. But thank you mostly to those of you who understand and support others. this is my first post (copied from the intro thread) yesterday. Hi,Ive joined the forums today because Im just not coping with my... View more

Hi Everyone. Thank you for sharing your stories. But thank you mostly to those of you who understand and support others. this is my first post (copied from the intro thread) yesterday. Hi,Ive joined the forums today because Im just not coping with my life. I struggle just to get out of bed in the morning/ I lay awake wishing i wasnt here. I have read a few stories on this thread and I thank everyone for sharing. In a situation where you feel so alone its amazing to find so many of us struggle along. I have struggled all my life with self esteem and self belief issues. I always find I just dont fit in or am just not good enough. I was only diagnosed with depression after having my children that I got so desperate i just cried in the doctors office. I was on medication for a few years but didnt like the reliance of it and have been off them for some time but i know i need them again. I just want to cry all the time. I have struggled to find a job in my town for so long now that I just cant do it anymore. I have applied for 100s of jobs and had some interviews but just dont cross the line. I feel beaten and failed. I am now avoiding social situations because i just dont want to have the job conversation anymore. Why is it so easy for some. Why cant someone help me... I have tried everything but it still to no avail. I want to runaway from this place and start somewhere else. I am well educated (i have a degree and diploma) but cant even get a 'Woolies"type job and I dont know why. Im a good honest person but I now dont even believe that. This misery is affecting everything. i am snarky and bitter and get cranky at my kids too easy. I hate it. I am scared my kids see me fail and I hate it.I just dont know what to do anymore. Thanx for reading.

It can't be as bad as it seems?!?

replies: 7

I can barely even figure out where to begin, on the outside it seems as though I have my life together, on the inside I'm breaking. I work 2 jobs and study at tafe full time, I also am a mum to a beautiful 18month old and have a partner that I've bee... View more

I can barely even figure out where to begin, on the outside it seems as though I have my life together, on the inside I'm breaking. I work 2 jobs and study at tafe full time, I also am a mum to a beautiful 18month old and have a partner that I've been with for 12 years, I'm 31 years old . Seems as though I should be living the dream, I think wow, there are so many others probably doing the same thing and worrying about the same thing, why does my issue matter and affect me the way it does?!?! i work long hours and am trying to better myself for my child so I can get a steady job instead of night shift, why the hell is it so hard for my partner to do the frickin dishes or at least tell me I'm still beautiful when I'm still wearing my pyjamas at 3 in the afternoon??? and that's just the tip of the iceberg, I've put so much stress on myself to pass this course and I'm only in the 2nd semester!!! i just....I can't even explain everything that's there, I've written it down, I've spoken to my partner, family and friends and still can't get past this feeling of hopelessness and wanting to run away but stay close at the same time, it's breaking me from the inside!

Self-love and not relying on other people for happiness.

replies: 4

Hi all, I recently shared an intimate moment with a person that I've known for quite a while. We both agreed that we wish we were 30 rather than mid 20's because there are still things that we wish to do while "unattached". I like her a lot and she l... View more

Hi all, I recently shared an intimate moment with a person that I've known for quite a while. We both agreed that we wish we were 30 rather than mid 20's because there are still things that we wish to do while "unattached". I like her a lot and she likes me a lot. What really gets me is that I've been feeling those darn chemicals over the last few days that make me long for this persons company, even though I've survived long enough happily being friends. It's quite emotionally taxing. I feel like I am half the person that I normally am, and that she completes the whole. Which is totally different to how I felt as recently as a few weeks ago. The rational person in me thinks those feelings are related to an underlying sense of low self-esteem. Of a longing to feel appreciated by someone else, because I don't appreciate myself enough. Can anyone relate to that, as confusing as it sounds? Ben

Feeling alone

replies: 5

Hi, I guess this is my attempt to reach out as I feel like I'm even lacking the energy to begin the process to get a referral for help. Just feeling so very alone, and isolated, sad, guilty, and scared about how dark my moods have become. I moved to ... View more

Hi, I guess this is my attempt to reach out as I feel like I'm even lacking the energy to begin the process to get a referral for help. Just feeling so very alone, and isolated, sad, guilty, and scared about how dark my moods have become. I moved to Australia from the U.S. nearly three years ago with my Aussie husband and two children. We left due to financial issues and lack of a job for my husband and were thankful to have a new start here with a job for him. To make a long story short, there are other issues but since our move we have had a lot of family hostility waiting here for us and they've let me know they never wanted us here, my Dad, back in the U.S. has passed, and I have spent months getting my son the help he needs for his autism related issues. Now our daughter is being diagnosed with autism and is not doing well. I felt exhausted before her issues became severe and now feeling like it's a huge mountain I can't climb again.....but I will as I have to for her. The few friends I had made here have taken a big step back in seeing how overwhelmed I have become and there are no offers of help or support, just silence. As a result of the stress, my husband and I are not doing well now. I feel, firstly guilt......because I know lots of people have it lots worse and who am I to complain about our lot. Also because I feel like an absolute failure as a mother and wife. Our house is in chaos, I struggle to keep the kids ready for school each day, get homework done and everything else. I have completely lost myself in that in keeping up with the kids needs, I just do not have the energy to get myself showered and looking presentable every day, I'm ashamed of it but the energy just is not there. I have gone from sadness and crying all the time to just feeling empty and flat. All I want to do is give up and disappear and if not for my kids I would. I do think what a relief it would be to end things or to just have that plan as a back up and it scares me that my moods have become so dark. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU JA X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

It never seems to get better

replies: 3

It gets to this time of night. Surprise surprise I'm sad. I'm so sad it hurts my chest and I can't breathe and I cry myself to sleep. I don't have many friends anymore, and my depression feelings are getting more frequent. I just feel so alone. So ve... View more

It gets to this time of night. Surprise surprise I'm sad. I'm so sad it hurts my chest and I can't breathe and I cry myself to sleep. I don't have many friends anymore, and my depression feelings are getting more frequent. I just feel so alone. So very very alone and I wish I could just lie in my bed and sleep all the time. I don't want to see anyone or go to work. I don't think about dying anymore, but I sure don't want to be around here either. It doesn't help that the person I thought might have liked me... Doesn't even think about me. Nope. It makes me feel so stupid and even more lonely and for some reason I can't stop thinking about them. everything I do wrong plagues my mind endlessly. I get so paranoid. Even if that person were to like me it wouldn't matter because I'd get so paranoid I'd push him away anyway. everyhing I do and say is wrong, I always speak and say the dumbest things that annoy people and drive them nuts. I don't know what to do anymore. I honestly can't stand this and I just needed to vent for once because no one I know here understands. To everyone I'm just dramatic and need to get over it because people have it worse off. And they do, but I can't help it! Honest I'm trying so hard and I just can't! I can't... beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

A message of hope

replies: 6

Hi all, I wanted to spread a message of hope. I have recently relapsed into anxiety (with depression). Around 3 years ago, being bullied at work with a number of stress made me have a number of panic attacks, issues with sleeping and eating and just ... View more

Hi all, I wanted to spread a message of hope. I have recently relapsed into anxiety (with depression). Around 3 years ago, being bullied at work with a number of stress made me have a number of panic attacks, issues with sleeping and eating and just feeling like a walking zombie. I had a melt down and it took me 3 weeks before l was better to go back to work. During this time I saw my doctor and got treatment. It was that hardest time in my life and yet te proudest because l went back to work, lodged a compliant with HR because l couldn't let him do that to others. I don't know what happened with him but that's not my issue. I continues working for 3 months and on the morning l was penning my letter to leave work, I was called into a meeting to be told my job was made redundant. I was going to leave and yet l scored a redunancy payout! I made the mistake of thinking l was better earlier this year and l stopped taking my tablets. Considently this, I lasted a fairly long time before my anxiety took over. Add a breakup, stressful work, neighbour issues, moving, sick grandma etc. I am back on my meds and l knownl will be fine. I say l have an anxiety disorder but when it gets out of hand, I get symptoms of depression. . Know that depression is just a disease and you can get better (just remember to listen to you doctor!). Tell yourself you are not a depressed person you just have depression. Be kind to yourself as this is a terrible disease and let others help you recover. Practice smiling and force yourself o laugh and be silly - eventually you won't have to please remember you are not along as this affects far too many and l hope my message has given you hope pippa and her kittens Bam Bam and Pebbles (see profile pic)

Pinned discussions

Hello! Read this if you're not sure how to get started

replies: 0

How do I talk to my doctor?

replies: 9

SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION

replies: 132

All discussions

I think I need help

replies: 8

First step - but scared

replies: 10

I should be happy, but there's a weight pulling me down

replies: 3

i have had depression for many years

replies: 6

Feel beaten and failed

replies: 5

It can't be as bad as it seems?!?

replies: 7

Self-love and not relying on other people for happiness.

replies: 4

Feeling alone

replies: 5

It never seems to get better

replies: 3

A message of hope

replies: 6

Depression

Hello! Read this if you're not sure how to get started replies: 0

How do I talk to my doctor? replies: 9

SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION replies: 132

I think I need help replies: 8

First step - but scared replies: 10

I should be happy, but there's a weight pulling me down replies: 3

i have had depression for many years replies: 6

Feel beaten and failed replies: 5

It can't be as bad as it seems?!? replies: 7

Self-love and not relying on other people for happiness. replies: 4

Feeling alone replies: 5

It never seems to get better replies: 3

A message of hope replies: 6

Hello! Read this if you're not sure how to get started

replies: 0

How do I talk to my doctor?

replies: 9

SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION

replies: 132

I think I need help

replies: 8

First step - but scared

replies: 10

I should be happy, but there's a weight pulling me down

replies: 3

i have had depression for many years

replies: 6

Feel beaten and failed

replies: 5

It can't be as bad as it seems?!?

replies: 7

Self-love and not relying on other people for happiness.

replies: 4

Feeling alone

replies: 5

It never seems to get better

replies: 3

A message of hope

replies: 6