Not sure what to do

[happyface]

Hi There,

I think I need to seek help but I've tried twice previously and both times ended quite badly. I just sucked it all up, got on with life and kept on sweeping feelings under the carpet, so to speak.

I'm in a position where suddenly everything around me has come crashing down. My husband has just had some bad news at work, my small not-for-profit company I started has fallen apart, my career is all but over and my plan to retrain at university next year is pretty much in doubt because of my husband's work issues.

Even when in the absolute throws of depression previously, I've always been able to (with much effort) claw my way out, see a light at the end of the tunnel - anything to hold on but this time, I just, there just doesn't seem to be a light.

I still force myself out of bed every morning, do my work to try and fix everyone else's problems (because they become my own eventually), do what I need to but the whole day all I want to do is go back to bed, I'm exhausted yet at night time, I do everything I can to stay awake - watch tv, play on my phone, you name it, I'll do it.

 I guess I don't know what's wrong with me - I don't know how to move forward and I'm nervous of seeking professional help again after the last two experiences. I don't know if this will just pass and I'm being weak or whether I should accept I'm not perfect - heck, I just don't really know anymore.

 I don't even know what it is I'm looking for here to be honest. Thank you to anyone who does reply.

[White_Rose]

Hello Happyface

Welcome to BB and congratulations for finding your way here. I'm sure many other folk will answer your post. In the meantime may I say how similar your feelings are to those who post her.

Your name says it all, hiding behind a mask just as most of us here. Eventually that mask is not enough and we start to fall apart. The trigger for this may have been the collapse of your business and your husband's work problems, but it could just as easily have been exhaustion from trying to keep all the balls in the air at the same time. We think we are superwomen, (and usually are), but not all the time.

Do you mind if I ask what happened when you sought help in the past? Did you go to a health professional of some sort such as your GP/psychologist etc? It doesn't always work, not because the process is flawed but because the two people concerned do not match. Just as we do not get on with everyone we meet in our lives.

It seems from your post the your overriding 'symptom' is exhaustion and for that you need the services of your doctor. Being tired id more than needing a good night's sleep.  If you do not have a regular GP or not comfortable with your GP, explore the list of doctors provided by BB. Look under Get Support or Resources at the top of the page. Hopefully you will find a doctor in your area.

There is also some grief in your life over the loss of your business and, I am guessing, the difficulty your husband is experiencing at work. These things certainly take their toll. These are issues that cannot be resolved just by willpower, which is a real shame, but there you are. Whether or not you get some professional help in this area is up to you. I do suggest that you acknowledge to yourself that you need rest and that it's time you were looked after.

This is not a sign of weakness but of reality. You cannot go on doing the same thing time after time and expect to get a different result. I know, I've been there.

You say everyone's problems become yours so you need to fix them anyway. This where you need to say no. When you are the 'go-to' person the stress and strain will mount up for you. The other person has no stress because you are doing all the work. People will solve their own problems when they have to. You can give support and encouragement but ultimately they must do it themselves. You are not doing them any favours.

Now I'm nearly out of word allowance. Please write in again and tell us how you are going and I will write more.

Warm regards

Mary

[Neil_1]

Hi there Happyface

For a sec there I thought you were taking the name of a famous movie, but I googled it, and it was actually Happy Feet - a stack of penguins doing fun things - so my mistake.  🙂   Still, Happy Face is a pretty cool name, nonetheless.  🙂

I read your post and then I read Mary's (Life Is Not Good - LING) response to you and well, I couldn't have responded any better than what Mary has done for you.

Suffice to say, that I'm very pleased that you've come to Beyond Blue and it's a very positive step to reach out here.

The other thing I would like to stress here is the professional help/support - and yes absolutely - if you experienced not so good times the last time, then you've every right to be nervous and concerned that it won't do any good.  And I think for so many of us, these bad experiences early on were part and parcel of trying to find the "right" fit for us with psychologists or psychiatrist (hell, even a good GP).  I know, I struggled for years and years to find the right psychologist.  BUT by hopefully going through a GP from this website, I would feel very confident that they'll (a) treat you very professionally as well as (b) be best suited to refer to an appropriate psyche - if need be.

Ok, so I wrote a lot more here than I thought I was going too - but like Mary, I too would love to hear back from you.

Kind regards

Neil

ps:  um, sorry Mary for being kind of forward here - as I've only ever known you as LING.  🙂

[white knight]

Hi Happyface,

I'm glad Mary (LING) and Neil have replied. Such good advice there from both.

My only conformation is that I too have had poor experience with at least one psychiatrist. Wrong diagnosis then subsequently wrong meds for 7 years. It was hell.

Then I struck a good one. correct diagnosis of four illnesses, bipolar 2, dysthymia, anxiety and depression. It was as it turned out- spot on and the medication prescribed was also correct with minor adjustments to quantity over the last 4 years only needed.

I'm so much better now. I'm so well I'm able to contribute here on these pages. However always in view is that cliff face I once stood near. But we wont go there.

Keep going. It is such a better life when you've found your way.

[geoff]

dear Happyface, I'm sorry that I am a bit late in replying, never the less I hope that you are still checking on your post.

The main problem is that depression can bounce back at us at any time once we have had it, and this is what has happened with you, as you're had it twice before ad it may have gone or are we pretending that it's disappeared.

It's no different than having the flu we get it, it goes away but the virus is still in us, so there's every chance it can return, and yes it may so next year, so depression is the same.

There are a couple of issues that are going to bother you and have already started, and may in deed become worse, and one problem associated with this illness is that all we want to do is sleep when we can't, like at work, or uni and when bed comes around we can't sleep or maybe hyperventilating, so all of this causes a real problem.

The way you are feeling means that you won't be able to talk to your husband simply because he himself is also having trouble at work, and his prospects are unknown, so he himself is just as likely to become depressed if he's not already.

We can put the fake mask on time after time but eventually it too becomes annoying so we leave it off and then we have to hide and our world has then collapsed.

It can be difficult to relate back to a counsellor/psych and normally we have to go through and eventually find one that can understand how we feel, because if we try and overcome all these problems by ourselves we don't solve the problems, what we do is just push them away, but they bounce back, that's why we need a psych to be able to help us.

So please go and see your GP, because the road ahead seems as though it's going to be very difficult. L Geoff. x