Depression

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BeyondBlue Hello! Read this if you're not sure how to get started
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Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for ... View more

Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for coming this far, we know it can be really hard to take these steps if depression is in your life - we see you and think this is a great step. To get the most out of this space we have a few tips: Get involved. The Forums work best for you when you get active and post where you can. Now, we know that can be really hard, especially when you are experiencing depression. So, if you can post something supportive to someone else here, that would be an incredible start. Speak from the heart. This community wants to know how YOU feel and what has worked for YOU. We trust that you have something unique to say and we can’t wait to hear it. Check in. Lots of the discussions in this section of the Forums have been going for years and they are some of the richest conversations we have. Keep checking in to get new ideas and offer your support. We know it can be tough to start, but when you are ready we want to hear your thoughts. If you need some time to get to know the community, that's okay! Have a look around and see where you want to get involved. Thank you for being here! Beyond Blue

Jeriava How do I talk to my doctor?
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I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really ... View more

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really scared that they’ll judge me or won’t believe anything I say. I’m really anti social so I feel like I won’t be able to say what I wanna say or I’ll say the wrong thing causing them to just dismiss me and move me along without helping. I’m just tired of feeling alone, depressed and just worthless but I’m really scared to talk to them.

AGrace SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION
  • replies: 132

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the ... View more

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the 5 senses Distress Tolerance – Accepting Emotions and Self Soothing Distraction – Put the thoughts/feelings aside and come back to them when you are ready to deal with them Positive Affirmations – Have some affirmations written down repeat them to yourself daily Sleep/Exercise/Diet – All 3 aspects of our lifestyle can impact the way we think/feel Increasing Pleasurable Activities – Engage in at least one pleasurable activity per day

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BK13 To tell or not to tell? Level of openness regarding your mental illness
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I have been an unofficial member of the M.I. club (sounds much cooler like that huh....) since I was a teenager so basically half my life, officially diagnosed with depression and anxiety just over 2 years ago, commenced treatment 5 weeks ago (been o... View more

I have been an unofficial member of the M.I. club (sounds much cooler like that huh....) since I was a teenager so basically half my life, officially diagnosed with depression and anxiety just over 2 years ago, commenced treatment 5 weeks ago (been on meds just over 4 weeks and have had 1 session with a psych so far). Just wanted to make sure everyone knew my back story before I ask my question! I just wanted to gauge how open others have been regarding their mental illness? Thus far I have only told my partner, my best friend, 1 trusted friend, and my brother-in law and his wife. I just feel like I'm keeping this big secret from everyone else and wonder if it might improve my relationships if I tell them. I don't live in the same country as my family so it's very easy just to omit details, to not mention when I am feeling all sorts of bad. I generally get around this by not calling them unless I'm feeling half stable. At times this means weeks or months on end without speaking to my parents. I haven't seen my mum in years. I am however visiting them in a few weeks so I'm mulling over if I should tell them or not, and if so how detailed I want to be. I also am not sure if I should/could/want to tell them about my partners recent suicide attempt. I just wonder if part of this weight on my shoulders is relating to not letting my loved ones in on the 'true' me. They know only a filtered version of myself and my life! IE they view my life as if through Instagram and I'm sure most of you have seen those 'life in instagram VS life in reality' posts... that's what I feel like, a bit of a fraud. I know none of you can tell me what to do and what worked for you won't necessarily work for me - but I just wanted to know what your own experiences had been regarding telling family, friends, bosses, colleagues etc. Did you feel better? Did it improve your relationships? Did you feel they understood better and helped them understand why you act certain ways? Or did it completely backfire and they treated you differently in a bad way! Did you go out of your way to tell people? Or did you just tell them when they asked? Or is/was this a private battle to be fought only with your chosen few let in on the full story? Share away please I am all ears! I also intend on discussing this train of thought with my psych next week but thoughts from you guys would be much appreciated. BK

MsPhoenix My story...well some!
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Hi all, my story is probably similar to some of you hear, but I need to tell it anyway, in a summarized version.I am in my late 40's and on marriage no3. I have 3 children of my own and 2 steps. The steps live with their dad and i and because of this... View more

Hi all, my story is probably similar to some of you hear, but I need to tell it anyway, in a summarized version.I am in my late 40's and on marriage no3. I have 3 children of my own and 2 steps. The steps live with their dad and i and because of this my own children who range from 16 - 25 refuse to include me in their lives, my own parents or sibling don't want me in their lives either.I know that i need to focus on what is under my roof but because of my own family ostracizing me I can't get past the sadness and feeling of a loss of identity. I know that this sound melodramatic but you bring 3 kids in the world and now nothing to show for it, it's tough. My husband has been understanding to a point but is now considering leaving me too. Im on meds for my depression with the occasional benzodiazepines to get me thru bad days. I'm just reaching out here because i don't know where yo start. Naturally there is soooo much more to my story but just someone who can 'take me under their wing' would be a fantastic start.I need to stop crying one day.

BLACK_BEAN here we go again
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After many years of being manageable the depression has come back with a vengeance. To the point of tears on Sunday. Had a great talk with my partner to let her know where I am at. From that point things changed,and was feeling much better, but today... View more

After many years of being manageable the depression has come back with a vengeance. To the point of tears on Sunday. Had a great talk with my partner to let her know where I am at. From that point things changed,and was feeling much better, but today can feel that mood changing. Just want this to stop.

Bluebird-09 Do you ever tell how bad it really is?
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I mean. . It's not like life is horrible. I have a home and a family.. A job... Freedom and relative peace.Sure it hasn't always looked this way. I've been abused and neglected. .. suffered incredible loss and grief.. and somehow clung on.So i "seem"... View more

I mean. . It's not like life is horrible. I have a home and a family.. A job... Freedom and relative peace.Sure it hasn't always looked this way. I've been abused and neglected. .. suffered incredible loss and grief.. and somehow clung on.So i "seem" ok. Im quite good at the mask wearing... but lately I've been trying to take it off. I have been open with my husband about what depression feels like. . And that I feel there's no way out. I've said that my mind wants to steer my car off the road... I've told about feeling that the life has been sucked out of me. That it's been my whole life..right from childhood and that I'm just. So. tired. That i hate myself more than I ever thought possible... that every single day is an epic battle in my mind just to exist. I've reached out to people I thought I trusted... yet I don't think they realise. . That I just want to cease to exist. I don't really want to die. .. but I can't live like this anymore. I feel like if something happened... even if it was just hospital again - people would say "i would have helped... I didn't know.... she seemed ok.... she told me it was bad but I thought it would pass"Why doesn't anyone actually care until it's too late? I don't want It to be this way.. but theres only so much help I can ask for.. What's left to do when you feel like you're out of options? I guess I don't expect an answer. I just want something. .. I don't even know what... maybe just to feel like I'm not the only one who feels invisible. beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

Ragamuffin No sun shines here
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In a hole dark as night i keep trying to claw my way out feels like im getting in deeper no sun shines in here i have been suffering from depression for as long as i can remember i never knew my family never knew they always treated me like a problem... View more

In a hole dark as night i keep trying to claw my way out feels like im getting in deeper no sun shines in here i have been suffering from depression for as long as i can remember i never knew my family never knew they always treated me like a problem never a person putting me down treating me bad beating me constantly this was just my way of life, isn't this how everyone lives. My first serious relationship i loved him so much he constantly abused me mentally physically and sexually, isn't this what love is, one day he beat me so bad i ended up in hospital we both knew next time he would kill me he left me for a new life i was so lost all i did was drink do drugs and horrible behaviour laying down for whoever would lay with me all i ever wanted was someone to love me care about me treat me like a person. After years in this darkness i finally met her she made me feel like a person for the first time in my life, it took me a long time to overcome the fact that i was falling in love with a woman my family did not approve. She was the person who recognised my depression i always thought that was just the way i was, i have been on medication for 7 years now the first few years i would think I'm ok and stop my meds my behaviour would revert back to my ugly mean dark self . For the past 3 years i now know i will always need medication to keep me NORMAL My partner has been the most supportive person along this horrible journey of mine she is so beautiful i still question why does she love me i don't deserve her how can she put up with me. Even though i take medication everyday i am in the darkest hole i have ever seen i am waiting for an operation i am in constant pain all day everyday a month ago i had to take leave from work unpaid i couldnt cope with the pain and the stress of not being able to perform my physical duties which would then lead to depression . Everyday i am at home my partner trys to help me by keeping me busy somedays i just cant get out from underneath my blanket, crawling into a ball and crying is all i want to do. A few mishaps with our house have happened lately the stress with the landlord has pushed me off the edge this feels like the worst Ive ever been i just cant see the light before i left work my boss suggested this website for me i have been lurking watching what goes on for about a month now so um here i am, i am a secret closed up tight knock if you will inside is night i am a lock without a key i am a puzzle no one solves me beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

Harveylous pillar to post? what next?
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in a nut shell, after 2 years of an internal mind struggle and then finding the courage to admit there's a problem and trying to find help, seams like trying to get it is as hard as actually suffering it, 4 doctors, 3 psychologists and 1 councilor la... View more

in a nut shell, after 2 years of an internal mind struggle and then finding the courage to admit there's a problem and trying to find help, seams like trying to get it is as hard as actually suffering it, 4 doctors, 3 psychologists and 1 councilor later and still seams like im a hot potato or feels like im just a number or a lost cause, it was hard enough to admit i have a problem, then actually going to doctors for referal to see counciling which are hard to get in and see just to be referred to some one else cause they cant help! where to turn next? i dont know, seams like sometimes it is easy to stay in my nut shell and let the world go by, i realy dont want to give up but just seams like its getting harder and harder to trust anyone.

Ben81 Constant feelings of self loathe
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Hi all not sure if this is the right place to post. I like to get to the poi so here goes.I don't think I am suicidal but I think about it lots, I think about how everyone would be better without me and different ways of suicide. I have come to think... View more

Hi all not sure if this is the right place to post. I like to get to the poi so here goes.I don't think I am suicidal but I think about it lots, I think about how everyone would be better without me and different ways of suicide. I have come to think its normal to think like this. And one day it will either go away or get the better of me. My life isn't bad I am employed have a loving family. Thing get tough from time to time but I don't feel I am different to anyone else in life. The main things that keep me is my mum an daughter and my fiancée I think how sad they would be without me. Sometimes though I think they would be better for me to disappear. so is it normal is it just me. Are there others out there do I need to do something. I just confused and want to know I am normal I guess thanks in advance too beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

thundergod It happened to me didn't it?
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Hey, so I didn't really know where to turn with this and I found comfort in the anonymity that this kind of thing offers, so thought I might try and get something out of my head to see if it does anything.I guess I should start by saying for the last... View more

Hey, so I didn't really know where to turn with this and I found comfort in the anonymity that this kind of thing offers, so thought I might try and get something out of my head to see if it does anything.I guess I should start by saying for the last month and a half I have felt pretty lame. Not really enjoying stuff, just turning up and appearing normal to anyone who happens to bump into me. I started seeing a girl in the last two months, which has mostly been great, but she's moving away and last week she told me she doesn't really want a boyfriend, just a friend. I was already feeling pretty worthless by that time with other stuff outside of this (life/work/band etc.), but I think that really stuck the boot in and now I kind of feel as though my worth is at an all time low. I'm struggling to come up with excuses to keep existing, I feel like I'm destined to plot this course of life alone and quite frankly it's a journey I'm really not that keen to see out the end of, especially if this is all that's in-store for me. I had a look at stuff around suicide over the weekend, originally I thought that looking at something like that would scare me into getting better, but I was weirdly at peace with the idea, as if it were somehow justifiable. I really don't want to talk my parents about this stuff, partly because I want to spare them the worry but mostly because I'm 100% certain that they'll tell other members of my family, who then tell more people, so on and so fourth. The kicker in all of this? I'm a Mental Health worker. My job is to help people deal with the things that they are going through, yet I can' help myself? You know, I never thought it would happen to me... but I always thought on the off chance that it did, I would know how to fix it, but alas, here I am, morosely content on fading into the background I've tried to be so different from. beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

lunamouse Rough times right now
  • replies: 13

Hi, I'm new here, nice to meet you all. I guess I'll start with my situation at the moment and what brought me here. I started a new job last year that's relevant to my uni degree in law. I was absolutely stoked about it at first - the working hours ... View more

Hi, I'm new here, nice to meet you all. I guess I'll start with my situation at the moment and what brought me here. I started a new job last year that's relevant to my uni degree in law. I was absolutely stoked about it at first - the working hours were good, the people seemed nice (although a bit more extroverted than what I'm used to) and the work was easy. However over time feelings of self-doubt and self-loathing have started creeping up on me. I began to realise I'm in the wrong profession for my personality type, I'm timid, sensitive and a push-over sometimes, I'm very awkward around people, can't interpret social cues and hate making small talk. It doesn't help that my colleagues are all extroverted go-getters who are somehow able to maintain a sociable presence at work whilst also juggling 50 million things. Whereas, in comparison I'm just a bumbling awkward thing who tries to join in lunch-time small talk only to have 5 different people talk over me when I finally come up with something to say. My inability to fit in at work has really taken a toll on my productivity, most of the time I'd play a conversation with a colleague over and over in my head that I miss crucial work-related things --I have been criticised by my manager countless times about my lack of attention to detail. To sum up, I feel incompetent, worthless and a bit of a nobody at work. Also, I have constantly struggled with body image issues and it's become a lot worse this past year. I've started binge-eating to the point I'd feel so gross I'd stare at my swollen stomach in the mirror for hours and cry. Other days, I would starve myself and work out at the gym. I've intentionally pushed away my family and friends by starting trivial arguments. I use my boyfriend as an emotional punching bag and he's tired of me. I'm constantly bitter at other people's success. I've tried to talk about it but no one understands, they say 'there are less fortunate people than you, you have pretty much everything. Look at those kids in Africa' -which doesn't help. Today I suddenly broke down in the middle of a parking lot and couldn't stop crying, I guess I felt so ashamed of the person I've become - a terrible friend, girlfriend and daughter. I'm sorry about this whole rant. I know I need help and I'm truly grateful that I found this forum. I feel like I won't be judged here and I really hope to hear some of your stories so I know I'm not alone in all this. Thank you for reading. -lunamouse

Loco_ I feel as though I am always putting on a brave face
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I believe I have suffered from depression in varying degrees since adolescence, and also have a history of self-harm. However, the past 12 months have been particularly bad. It all come to a head in January when my partner begged me to seek help. I h... View more

I believe I have suffered from depression in varying degrees since adolescence, and also have a history of self-harm. However, the past 12 months have been particularly bad. It all come to a head in January when my partner begged me to seek help. I had a mental health assessment with my GP, and was started on a dose of anitdepressants and referred to a psychologist.I have been to two sessions with the psychologist since then and am taking my medication as required. However, I feel as though I am getting worse...I suffer from constant negative thoughts and believe I have depression and social anxiety. Lately, I have really been questioning my mental health.Getting up and out of bed is a struggle on a daily basis. I work nights so already have a somewhat disturbed sleep pattern, but even when I have had a good nights sleep, I am lethargic and simply don't want to get up.I feel as though loved ones think I'm making it up, and I worry that my psychologist thinks I'm being petty. I feel as though I have no one to talk with and no support available.I struggle socialising with friends, as I become anxious and ruminate over what I said, or what they said, if they like me, my appearance etc.My partner and a number of close friends also experience depression and anxiety, I feel as though I am always putting on a brave face to support them. Even when I do communicate that I need help, I feel as though they make it about them.This further causes me to feel bad, as I feel selfish and rude to think that way about my friends and love ones. I feel I should support them and that demanding help myself is just self absorbed.I have briefly touched on this with my psychologist. I think she's really good and feel hopeful after our sessions so far. I already feel an attachment to her, but now that is concerning me too. I feel like I like her too much, like I will come across as too needy. Anyway, sometimes I feel like the concern is more on formulating a plan rather than me being heard. This may be because were in the initial stages...I am always so anxious and nervous at the start of the session, I know she will ask how I have been. I want to answer truthful but am held back by my fear of coming across as faking it, pathetic, overreacting etc.I just feel meh!! and wanted to know if anyone can relate to these feelings?