And so we crash back to earth

[B_rad71]

Hi everyone, Firstly i wanted to thank everyone who has replied to any of my posts.Its great to see people still care about other people in this day and age.

So yes i have crashed back to earth. Not in the biggest way. But my anxiety has returned. 

Ive been back to the psychiatrist and he has now given me some meds to "take the edge off" when i feel anxious. Im desperate to avoid taking them but sadly have been forced to a couple of times now because i honestly didn't know how to get through the day. 

The depression hasn't been as bad as before. I do sometimes feel like i dont want to leave the house which might be a mixture of depression and anxiety. 

Im now starting to realise that i need more help. But reliving my past experiences is so painful that im really not sure where to start. Im scared that when i seek further help i will revert back to where i was 6-8 months ago. I dont want to go back to that. So now im stuck. Once again i dont know how to move forward. 

I will be perfectly honest, although im very scared to write it down, but i have started wondering if its worth even going on. Wondering i have any reason at all for being. I really am just going through the motions. im starting to feel like a very empty shell. Its not a feeling i like.

So i guess the depression is probably worse than i thought since i started the post. Im not suicidal but just unsure where i fit into the world.

So i will sign off and just say thanks for reading and i hope to return again soon. Ps. i do have another appointment with my psychiatrist on Wednesday next week so it might be a good idea to tell him how im feeling. 

Take care everyone 🙂

Brad   

[Neil_1]

Hi Brad;

Thank you for providing this post and sharing it.

Taking medication(s) IS an ok thing to do and don’t feel bad about doing that – for the most part, they are prescribed and being taken to assist us in providing the right chemicals where our brain/mind is not able to produce.   So please don’t be feeling bad about this at all.

When you say, seeking further help, is this going to a counsellor that you may have previously seen?  If yes, did you find you achieved good results from seeing this person?

I think everyone has a reason for being here and sometimes it just takes a very long time to both know this and to find out what your reason is?  It’s just a matter of sitting down with perhaps someone who is close to you to see what “you’re about?”

And definitely DO mention this to your psychiatrist on Wednesday;  it’d be good to get their take on this all?

Neil

[B_rad71]

Hi Neil, thanks for your reply.

I was previously seeing a psychologist and he was a really nice guy. Unfortunately when he found out the extent of the abuse i suffered as a child he advised me he could help me. I dont hold it against him. He just didnt have the expertise to deal with me. 

So he sent me to the psychiatrist who prescribe some pretty good meds which have had me feeling pretty good for a fair while. 

Im not sure why things changed and ive been trying to manage it with my GP but he doesnt have the experience either. 

My biggest fear with seeking counselling now is that i will revert back to where i was 6-8 months ago. I couldnt sleep, work or hardly even leave the house. I was in a pretty bad way. 

I also dont want to have to relive what i went through again but having to tell it all to another person. 

Anyone, thanks again for listening. I hope your doing well. 

Brad 

[geoff]

dear Brad, isn't our mind so confusing but what we do know is it has the strength to make us feel how we travel along, it's like a car set in cruise control where it stays in one speed all the time, and only one way to stop it is by pressing a button or putting our foot on the brake, however our mind doesn't travel at one speed, it's all over the place, so perhaps it's not a good analogy.

Boy the same story we have to tell someone new doesn't that just give us the s*****ts, so just write down what's happened and then he/she can then pick out the points they want to ask you, and then it will develop onwards, and don't be frightened to mention all those little nitty grittys that we tend to keep hidden away in our brain, as these are the main points that could be the reason.

It's scary you know and we know, but take your time, as I say 'the world is your oyster'.

Let us know how it goes and keep talking to us in the mean time. Geoff.

[B_rad71]

Hi Geoff, thanks for your continued support. I have actually written down the history of abuse i suffered. I gave this to my psychologist, GP and psychiatrist. I think its a great suggestion to use this when seeking further help. Im not sure why i think of it but i have been a bit all over the place in the last month or 2.

The last few days i havent been feeling too bad so just have a few more to wait before i see the psychiatrist again. I know i cant really on meds only so maybe this current relapse will finally push me to seek some further help. 

I hope your doing well. Thanks again

Brad 

[geoff]

dear Brad, thanks for getting back to us.

Medication can only help our mind balance up, but it won't or can't take away all those thoughts that are nagging us, that's where we have to compromise with them, or know why and how they have brought us down to our knees, so the discussion goes on between you and your psych, and you talk about the pro's and con's, some you can accept while some you don't, and it's these that need the most emphasis, because if they still worry you then you won't be able to move on, and by this I mean when you aren't with your psych.

There can be many distractions that take our mind away from the problem which is great, but they have to have the ability to be stronger than our problem, that is when you feel as though you are falling then these distractions can then take your mind away from them.

Not always easy to do, I know that myself.

I am interested when you say ' seek some further help', but that's up to you.

Take care. Geoff.