No- one Cares

[Guest_3712]

I have not received any replies to my posts. I know a lot of my issues are self inflicted but this is the only way I deal with my pain

both physical, and mental.

I need some help

Stressless

[guest75]

Hi Stressless

You are NOT a failure in anyway shape or form.  As Katy said your family is still togehter and you kicked the opiates

You are not a failure for relying on the meds to get you through.  As they did GET YOU THROUGH.  Whatever it takes to help us deal with this illness

and Katy, i dont like the term Pollyanna.  My middle daughters name is Pollyanna and she is the most pessimistic child ever, everything a pollyanna isnt lol

[Guest_3712]

Hey Mattyj,

I appreciate your comments so much and wish I could agree with you. The only way I could kick the opiates was to go into hospital , be sedated and infused with more drugs

hardly a strong act. I did need the meds for sure especially for the pain , but as I am now supposedly on the road to recovery I continue to use- for escape, for denial whatever.

They are a constant reminder of my failures and until I stop I will never recover, but I don't think I can

Stressless

[Neil_1]

Hi Stressless,

I believe in you ... so do masses of others on here.

But for the time being, if you feel you need to use them, then use them.  If it helps, then do it.  What's the worst that can happen?

You've mentioned where you have flashes and focus on getting on top.  That is great and when they happen, don't try to rush to the top all in one go, cause as you said, you'll just fall back down all the harder. 

Little steps ... little goals.

Kind regards

Neil

[Guest_3712]

Hey Neil,

glad to hear from you again. hope you are seeing things in a slightly lighter shade than yesterday.

oh I wish it was that simple. you say what's the worst that can happen ?

well lets see. I can do something stupid when I'm that out of it I don't know what i'm doing. then there's the little detail of my husband killing me if he finds out , oh and lastly I could end up in hospital again to detox- not an option.

I don't mean to sound like a smart a.....e but I have been down this road many times and that is why I am so pissed off at myself. I can't believe it!.

The first time I went into hospital I cried every night and prayed to God saying ,"please get me out of here. help me survive and I will never get into this situation again". I really meant it at the time and for a long time after that.

The trouble is I prefer to be out of it and not have to deal with things rather than be straight and have to continually face my failures.

I really appreciate your feed back and maybe you can see something I can't

Stressless

[Neil_1]

Hi Stressless,

Whoa ... that was silly of me to say what I said ... as in what's the worst that can happen.  Possibly not the right website to be spruiking that kind of question around.

Now I don't know what courts are like these days, but I think the judge wouldn't look to kindly on your husband for doing you in for you doing something silly. (That was a little side thing ... not punny really, but a small lighten up moment).

But hells bells, I'm feeling for you ... and really, I can't see shite, because you're doing things to numb your feelings so you don't have to face up to reality ... and I'm doing the same thing.  Not with the same methods, but ... so I'm a great one to be writing to you.  We should be both seeking the advice from others ... but then again, would we use it?  At this point in time, the demons need to squashed and we at least know a sure fire way for doing that ... to a point.

I'm rambling again.

Bye for now

Neil

ps:  if I was feeling 2 out of 10 yesterday, I'm perhaps 2.2 out of 10 today.

[Guest_3712]

He Neil,

Sorry I went off at you, but like I said I'm mad at myself not you.

O.k so my husband probably wouldn't actually kill me but would make my life hell.

Yes I do take the meds to numb things for me, but why is it I can see things so clearly for others and like you offer my advice when I don't know shite either??

hey I love your rambling and trust me I ALWAYS get something from you.

A giggle, a sigh, a tear something that tells me I am still able to feel things and if I can still empathise with others then maybe I'm not as bad a person as I think I am

Hope you're going to hit a 3/10 today and upwards

Be kind to yourself

Stressless