Hopelessness

[Bonnieeeeee]

Hi all

this has not been a good week. Iam in such emotional turmoil that my body aches and I'm in physical pain all the time, which I can't explain and I feel crazy because of it.

i understand your advised to not do this alone however the doctors I haven't found helpful because I don't speak, I write better then I speak in most cases it allows me to properly say what I'm thinking. 

ive become irrationally afraid of things such as the dark and being alone. I was a very independent person however my anxiety an depression is terrifying me and I'm petrified to be alone at the moment, not with fear I will  do something more because I'm terrified I won't be able to stop a panic attack once it takes over my body. I've foundry self angry that no one in my life understand my circumstances, as I'm so proud I have only told a select few to assist with my recovery and I'm uncontrollably angry they don't understand and I feel like because I told them they need to fix it because I feel so helpless that I can't. It's taking over my entire existence 

i never thought I would be a person to speak out  I feel like I'm doing something wrong but at the same time it's as though a weight is lifted temporarily

[Mbuna]

Bonie,

The reason why people are encouraged not to go through this alone is because we are not really equipped to handle these issues without help. I made the mistake if trying to deal with this alone and in the end it completely overwhelmed me. Getting help does not mean you have to tell the world about your issues. I do understand the issues you have with your GP's. Like all professions, there are good and bad ones. Some GP's have more experience with depression and anxiety than others.

I also understand how you can write better than you speak. I am the same. I can put things in words but sometimes when I try and explain things the words just don't come out right and I often miss important parts of what I am trying to explain. This is common with a lot of anxiety sufferers. There is nothing wrong with putting your feelings down on paper and then presenting this to a medical professional. If they understand anxiety at all they will have no problems with this.

There is nothing wrong with being proud and it is understandable that you don't want others to know about your condition. People who don't suffer from anxiety and depression will never be able to understand how you are feeling. They can be sympathetic but they will never really understand. Getting help does not mean that everyone has to know. There are at least 2 reasons why you need to get some help. You say you feel like the anxiety is taking over you entire existence. Anxiety will do that. If you feel this way then the self help approach is probably not working. You also say that now you have spoken out, you feel like a weight has been temporarily lifted. Talking about your problems will do this. Thats why you should probably try and see a Counselor or psychologist. Talking will help and they will be able to teach you techniques to handle the anxiety and panic attacks.

Don't let the anxiety rule your life. This is a treatable condition. It is possible to get on top of this. It took me years before I realized i needed to get help. Once I did, I wished I had done it a lot earlier. This forum is a good place to come. The people on here all have similar issues to you and we wont judge. Try and keep your chin up. You may feel down in the dumps at the moment but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I am confident you can beat this.

Mbuna

[Neil_1]

Hi Bonnie,

Thank you for getting back to us ... I've gone through your earlier post again and your situation now hasn't improved one bit, has it?

It actually seems worse and the physical pain that you have is also a concern.

I'm very much on Mbuna's side with saying that it's time to seek out professional help;  you simply can't continue on the path you're on and trying to do this on your own.  It will continue to dominate you and make things worse.

So please, I hope that you can get back to your GP.  They gave you meds last time, I'm not sure if you're still on them, but either way, I think a review of them needs to be done.

I was pleased to read where you said it felt like a weight lifted from you after you wrote your post ... and unloading like that does have a therapeutic result, it is a good thing to be able to do.  And again, if you can do that with a professional, they'll be able to advise, support and guide you while you unload.

I so hope that something I've said has helped and please get back to us Bonnie, we're here for you and write as often as you feel like it.

Kind regards

Neil

[geoff]

dear Bonnie, this void that we believe we have on our own, is true, to the point that NO, you are not one bit all by yourself, it's a similar feeling that most of us have had, and that's the magic of posting on this site, in that your story reflects so much to other people. they understand exactly what you are saying.

Lots of different people reply to your comment, but it's not instant all the time, as some people read all the transcripts at their time of solace or their desperate need for comfort, or their desperation for help, as you can tell by the views that read the posting, however some people are afraid to reply, well it's not really afraid, they are a bit scared, and by hell they should have no fear, because you can't bottle this up, and try and suppress these feelings of depression, because it WILL ONLY GET WORSE.

I am about to sign off now, as my stupid hours begin to click in, but the rest of our team will take over, and as usual do a terrific job. L Geoff. x