No hope this week

[Mares73]

Hi all

i think I was about to go for my appt to see the Acute Team Pysch when I past wrote. He turned out to be yeRs young & arrogant. I think I was more self aware than he was used to so he tried to criticise the meds I'm on but then saying he can't sdp, change or recommend anything-as long as I went suicidal he was going to ph & refer me bk to my own private pysch. I was supposed to see her last Thursday but I hadn't slept for 41 hours & I couldn't go-I couldn't think straight & I knew I needed to be able to lake things in when I saw her. So now I have appt for mon 10 Feb but cancellations usually come up so I should see her this week. Several people have said just to stop taking the stimulant med as it's been a drastic decline last 2 wks. This wkend meant to be going down coast to stay for my husbands friends wedding. But as I keep telling him I'm not in a state to go to a wedding with no one I know & I'm not even looking forward to going away as home is my safety net comfort zone. My mind & thoughts are scattered, I can't concentrate or remember things. Even my mum is saying I don't talk like me-I'm unclear, finding communication difficult. She is concerned at my mental state as she's never seen me so unwell. She says to just tell my husband I can't go-he can still go, but he'd be so mad at me. I'm just feeling alone & had hoped to have advice/changes by now. But I may try lower dosages of the stimulant because someone like me who is generally always anxious-what benefit for me is there in taking a stimulant. Anxious, down, lost & feeling it's all too overwhelming. Anyway to sum up I feel awful. Exhausted beyond words. So my dear friends I'm wondering how you all are & I carry you in my heart. Lve Mares x

[Neil_1]

Hey Mares,

Tis Sunday where I am ... so I'm guessing it's Sunday where you are also.

How did you go on Saturday and more importantly, how are you feeling right now?  I hope you had an ok time and hope also that you perhaps had a little paddle in the waters edge somewhere!?!?

Kind regards

Neil

ps:  I loved Geoff's comment about putting another shrimp on the barbie.  🙂  Yum.

[Jo3]

Hey Mares

How are you today? What did you do?  I've been thinking of you today and hope today was an okay day for you.

Jo xx

[Mares73]

Dear all, thanks for caring. I spent yesterday and last night in the hotel room whilst my husband was out most of time. I was very down, I felt bad thoughts & hopelessness again on the way home. I think it's because I thought I'd get some help last week & I didn't. My husband is back to his usual attitude that "why can't I just realise the simple fact that thoughts pass & I'd be fine if I accepted that & just got on with things". I'm retreating more and more into myself & didn't come on yesterday as I thought I was probably attached to you guys (in a caring, emotive & supportive way) & you are my only real and genuine support and you dont need that. I am feeling low, in my self-hate mode feeling I'm hopeless & how will anything get better. I'm overwhelmed & frightened by the depths of my despair & it must be crazy of me to think that I've made close friends with people on an Internet site. I wonder what the nurses thought of that-I don't even have anyone to have a coffee or drink with. I really hope my pyschiatrist gets a cancellation this week so I can see her. If not I have to wait another week & I don't want to think yet how ill get through it. Anyway I know you are each doing it tough yourselves so ill make it short as really what else can I say? In not good. I could of written that one sentence. Jo-I know things seem hard all the time for you lately-I'm sad that your not getting any relief but I so hope you do get the right support soon-you are a very special person even though your not feeling it right now. But you are incredible and sharing your journey is brave & I care very much. Thanks Jess for support.-I cant describe how getting a message like yours means to me. And to Neil & Geoff I don't have the right words but I hope you know how I feel & think of you. Take care, Lve Mary xxx

[Jo3]

Hi Mary

You know what - you are NOT hopeless.  Mares pls take care, you have so much strength even though you may not see it yet.  You are.  You can post as often as you want, vent, write whatever because we care about you.  I just hope your husband could understand what you're going through a little more. 

I really hope you can get to see your psych this week, if there is a cancellation. I really hope so.

Mares, you know I care about you and feel for you so much.  I wish we could meet one day just so I can give you a big big hug.

So for now I am sending you a hug from me to you.

Mares, also thanks for your kind words again. You know I don't see myself as you and others describe me but maybe one day I will see it.

Pls take care, thinking of you and hope you get to have a good night sleep tonight.

Talk tomorrow

Jo xxx

[Neil_1]

Hi my dear friend Maresy

Please don’t be saying things like ‘that it’s crazy to be making close friends via an interweb site”, because if you do, then that labels one whole hell of a lot of us in the that same boat with the name of “Crazy” on the side of it.  Because you’re not the only one to feel that way.  We support each other, we care for each other, and I totally believe that each and every one of you is a friend to me.

I’m judging by your post that you never ended up near the beach so you could wiggle your toes into the soft wet sand?  Bugga. 

 I won’t make comment on your husband’s attitude and his own comment to you … ok, I will … it’s a shame that he has that attitude, massive shame.  You would like to think that support (physical and mental) would initially come from the home-base or somewhere close by, but I guess just far too often this isn’t happening.  I believe it’s those kinds of attitudes that somehow “we” as Beyond Blue members, Beyond Blue organisation itself, as well as all the other brilliant depression sites and initiatives out there need to somehow make inroads into the stereotypical way of thinking.  I believe Ian Thorpe making his battle common knowledge to the general public was a huge boost for us fellow sufferers – and the other big thing that is happening soon is the Beyond Blue Big Bus tour … get the message out there to the masses.  Just like the Blues Brothers did in their movie, “Take the message to the streets”.   Whoops, another slip by me into my digressive behaviour!  Sorry about that.

Maresy, I know it helps me to write on this site … whether I’m posting to others or contributing a post of my own.  I think I know why, I think it’s a little bit like how alcohol can numb your feelings, I think in the same way, if you’re thinking about others and writing down your thoughts to them, it kind of takes the edge off how you’re feeling.  At least I think that’s what it does.  What I’m trying to say here is, if you feel like writing and getting your thoughts off your chest … then do so.  And either put them into a document for your own viewing or put them to this site. 

You’ve got friends here Mares and we’ll read, we’ll comment, we’ll advise where we can and above all, we’ll support.

So your meds are still being taken, like clockwork yeah?

Did you read many/any of the books that you took on the weekend?

Ps:  my son started in Year 11 today at his new school … so I’m hoping that he goes ok.  He’s 15yo and absolutely LOVES heavy metal music and he is quite talented as a drummer.  As a result of all that, he has a hair style that is … um, a bit out there … not overly bad, just pretty long, kind of at the front, and it sweeps down over one side of his face.  I asked my partner how he got on this morning and she said well not too much drama at the school dropping him off, but at home … she had to use the hair straightener to fix up the curly bits on the end of hair – and she said, you can just imagine how that went.  Just a little share there for you … hopefully you got a slight giggle out of that.

Kind regards

Neil