New start and new approach to this year

[HamSolo01]

The last time I made a post in these forums was in 2017. Back then I was probably in the darkest moment of my life since I can remember. I thought that I was beyond help and there was no hope for me going forward.

Here I am in 2021 and I have a job (even though I want to leave to something else), been on a couple of dates, travelled, finished my degree and also made some new friends. I guess these days my woes are different. I've spent a lot of time looking into my past and trying to see if I can get an explanation or reveal some home truths about myself and my experiences.

I have spent time in a psych ward, I've been on differing meds, I've spoken to psychologists and psychiatrists. I've spent some time with mental health charities working with them.

These days I want some new challenges and new things in life - it's hard. I have desires to get a new job and to also go back and study again.

Today has been a quiet australia day - I would've liked to have done something social but that's been hard because i have lost some friends, struggled to make new ones, but on balance I have been trying to re establish contact with other friends from the past.

I dunno what I want in life and I have more questions than answers. But I guess I am here still

I will see my psychologist soon for the first session of the year now that I have a new Mental health care plan.

I am trying to do my best and I get the feeling that it isn't enough maybe.

Yesterday I was very depressed. It's a hard time. That's all. 😕

[Guest_4643]

Hey Hams

[geoff]

Hello Hams, well done for completing your degree under the circumstances you were struggling with, and to make new friends is always a fear people have when this illness controls them, and all/most of their old friends decide to vanish to continue on with a life they feel comfortable with, this, however, disappoints us because we lose the support we had once expected.

You have done extremely well, but can I caution you, if you want to study once again, find a course that will not find you in a position you don't enjoy in the hopes of getting a job that has a good salary but not happy, yes money controls the world, but you need to be happy, that's the base for a healthy lifestyle.

If a friend earns triple the amount you do, just imagine the pressure they are constantly under, look after yourself and would love to hear back from you.

Geoff.

[HamSolo01]

Evening all

Hi Geoff. Thanks mate. What you said was very insightful and kind. Thanks mate. You speak with wisdom.

Today was an alright day.
Got lots of work done. Will probably look at a bit of training just to ease my anxiety if I get moved again.
Which is likely.
But for now I am where I am and its okay.
I am feeling okay. It is what is it.
Off to bed.
Nite all

[HamSolo01]

Had a bad day today.
Dealing with some and thoughts. Felt quite sad and like a failure

[ecomama]

Hey Hams

Not such good news there.... hopefully tomorrow is a better day for you!

Do you actually use the word "failure" to yourself?

Looks like a vocabulary overhaul is timely, 'failure' is just an eff word, you know this right?

I'm going to tell you that the word "hate" is banned in our house unless it's said in jest like "There's no chocolate topping, don't you just hate that?" lol.

The word "failure" is absolutely 100% banned. EVERY TIME.

Remember on the Craft Circle thread (I think)? .... we can replace that word with learning opportunity.

This is a REAL learning opportunity for you HAMS!!!

Learning about yourself, learning about something that went differently to how we planned - which is about 90% of my life lol!!

Covey speaks of this pretty quickly in his books.

Saying (sic) that even when a pilot sets a flight path for their journey, they know they'll be off course around 97% of the time. (Could be a different % but it's HIGH).
As long as they get BACK ON course, it's okay.

Therefore we can take from this, even with us, we can be and most probably WILL BE off course 97% of the time with our life's goals.

"Just a little diversion" I say to my kids, even with the worst of things, which has happened.

Come on pour it out!
How can you decide to look at things today?

I'll be back later, gotta take the bins out lol.

Love EM

[HamSolo01]

Only redeeming quality of today was that it is a location I can work at without worrying about what's expected of me.

The people there are people I can get along with. They know I do my bit. Everyone does. No complaints.

Everywhere else is gossipy, cliquey or worse.

But I find it hard to cope every place i work. I feel wasted. I need to change and build in other aspects of my life. Work is one example.

I feel like such a loser doing what I do. But I try my best and it doesn't seem enough for people.

Today I felt suicidal. Like a failure. Pathetic even.
I have nothing to do in my life that's meaningful or enjoyable. I am struggling. I am alone. I feel stuck. Sinking.

Anyway. This day is nearly done and I will be off to bed soon. Earlier night. Hoping it clears my head and emotions. I will go in earlier tomorrow so I can leave earlier too.

I am not good lately. Not at all.

[Guest_4643]

Hi Hams.

Sorry you had a bad day. We're here for you.

[HamSolo01]

Will make a second post coz I think there was a glitch.

@Em i like what you said but I will need to apply it tomorrow because I'm so tired atm. But thanks for saying it because it has given me some food for thought.

@Tay hey my friend. I hope you're okay and thanks

Good night all

[Guest_4643]

Hey Hams, I'm not the best but thank you, my friend also. Have a good sleep.

[HamSolo01]

Hi all

I hate rumours. I hate being the subject of them too.

Fortunately its not on a floor I work at. But sometimes I go there.

I hate this job. God knows it.

Amazing how I can do whats required and do that and be relied upon. But then gossip goes around.

Moments like this make me ill. What the hell did I do?

Anyway. Just gotta ride out the rest of the day. Psych this evening.