need a level head to give an outside view.

[Luke123456789]

Hello, so my name is luke, i'm 20.

I've never been an extrovert or enjoyed delvulge my own personal problems. mainly because of trust issues and well, its not something I really want to put on others. so i guess i'll cut to the chase.

I'm just really lost in life, it really all started when i was 16, my older brother ( one of two) had a car accident while i was on holiday with my family in england. he spent along time in hospital with brain injuries and its still an ongoing process. the day we flew back, we quickly moved from our old family home ( situated a couple hours from the hospital) to somewhere were we could be there for him. my school was quite good with it all and re enrolled me for the year later. as i did not want to be away from family and back in that environment, and by not coming back lost almost all childhood friends. ( small town talking). In the end i dropped out and got myself an apprenticeship, fully qualified now.

a couple months ago my parents decided there marriage wasn't working, I'm living with my mother now, who needs the support, she needs someone to remind her on a bad day lives alright.. she hasn't worked for the last 25 years and the life change will be difficult. 

I've never dealt with emotional problems well at all, and i don't think i've ever worked through my problems. I've found myself with no friends, and the people that are in my life, i find cynical dark reason behind all there actions, in the end forcing them away, or just fading into the background. i've had problems with substance abuse since i was 15, and find self medicating has slowly made it all worse, downward spiral  that has no exit. A couple months ago i quit my job to focus on trying to sort the bigger problems in life out which worked well for the first month or so, really tried kicking bad habits and tried to enjoy my own company.I find myself alone and Recently money has become an extra worry as christmas and etc, but i had planned for all this previously, unforced problems with cars and etc through that out the door. 

these thing are just little problems and i know that but I hate life, theres no fun in life, and i'm so alone, i try to make friends but i can't even start basic conversation. I'm not even sure who i am anymore, the moods are so flat and negative in life. I'm angry and been known to blowup over nothing . This isn't the person i wanted to be.

[gibby3794]

hi luke, firstly thanyou for coming here to share your story and seek advice the first few posts are always hard..

i personally think you would benifit from seeing a psych but by the sounds of the finances above it might make that aspect worse with the costs after the 10 medicare paid sessions..

im sorry to hear about your parents breaking up, i dont really know what thats like as my parents broke up when i was like two so ive never known them together but apparently it messed me up when it happened..

i completely understand the quitting work part as i walked into work in august to give my notice but before i could i was told it was our last week as the buisness had sold so i was cheering hahah, got centrelink straight away instead of waiting 13 weeks lol

and i also do understand the financial struggles as i am now only on centrelink and was struggling when i was working let alone now only being on ceno hahah

and i will also say that the substance abuse only makes things worse in the long run i know from experience first was the green stuff when i lived at home (not sure if can use drug terms with mods lol)   and nobody noticed due to mums depression as well she didnt pick up on it, i ended up quitting that and turned to gambling (even better for the finances bahah, had to stop that as i ended up having to get payday loans due to spending my whole pay in one night on the damn machines 😕 after i mostly stopped gambling (ive only put my whole pay through about 5 or 6 times in the last year i turned to alcohol not long after i moved out of mums in with my friend and her family, and of course her mum actually noticed and put a stop to that she told me only on weekends dammit hahah i know theres not much adctual advice in here im pretty much just rambling lol, but hey atleast you know your not the only one to do self destructive behavior, and im also 20 as well...... anyways ill stop rambling now and say that there are a lot of people on here that i am sure will have some great advice for you as they always do 

[CrashCoyote]

Hi Luke,

I have a son with your name and a few years older than you. He smokes pot and it has affected his life badly over the past few years but he hasn't bottomed out yet, so is a work in progress. I am telling you that because I don't want you to feel I am just another old dad trying to tell you to pull yourself together!

You have a lot going on and it is easy to see how you've gotten to where you are. A lot of serious things outside your control. It makes people frustrated, angry, depressed and then some.

You write and express yourself well so I am working on the assumption that you are quite intelligent which, I hope, will help you on this journey (adventure, crappy path, whatever one calls it!).

I agree with gibby3794 that it might be helpful to see a psychologist or at least a GP if you have no official diagnosis of your condition. I also agree that the pot (or any self medicating) is a short term fix but I do understand addiction. (Booze in my case.)

I hope you can see a GP and if you fit the criteria for a mental health plan, I think you would benefit from the ten visits. The already made point about what happens when those are up is valid, but I still think getting an independent and non-judgmental assessment of what might be helpful to you would be, well, helpful to you.

Kind regards. John.

[geoff]

dear Luke, thanks for coming to the site, and to post a comment at the age of 20 is really difficult, but it does get easier, because you're made the first move.

I'm so pleased that Gibby and John have replied to you and can understand where you are standing.

It certainly hasn't been an easy road for you, your brother who I can really sympathise with by having a head injury, as this makes his life so much harder and some aspects he will never recover from, so I can totally relate to this, and I'm not forgetting your mum who must be beside herself.

Being at an age of 15 is typical for kids, actually adolescents, to experiment different toxins that our friends, peers or even people we only just know to try, and what happens is we get hooked, and my addiction was alcohol when I was depressed, and it's so easy to keep on consuming/smoking or whatever, until we come to a peak and wake up that we need to change.

How long this takes is obviously different for everybody, and nobody can be forced to stop, because it has to be decided by that individual person themselves.

There's something which you have to realise here, and that's up until now your life has just cruised along, maybe not in a pleasant way, but you relied on smoking pot to get you through, but now it's come to a head, so what you are trying to do is to start a new life, which you have no idea of what to do, so it would be worth getting the 10 free visits to see a psychologist who can then help you develop your new life.

Is it possible for me to ask how your brother is travelling, and by saying this I don't want to draw any attention away from you, I only ask because I have also suffered from a head injury. Geoff.

[Luke123456789]

thank you everybody for you kind words and level headed views.

• I'm sorry its taken a couple days to reply, Almost didn't want to see the replies or even if there was a reply. I agree with the cruising through life, Just like this post i've avoided uncomfortable situations. I will take all comments into consideration and be visiting my GP for the first time in along time. My brother has been a slow progress, he's alive so thats more then what anyone expected. he's walking talking eating and breathing, he has his problems, with vision, memory and just misses some of the basic common sense. my biggest problem with his situation i've done so much since its happened, where would he have been if it didn't happen. 

[geoff]

dear Luke, thanks for getting back to us.

There is no time limit when you have to reply or even if you don't, that's totally up to you.

How many times do we wish that we should have been somewhere else, so that this wouldn't have happened, with me I've lost count, just like you, but you're got so many more years ahead than I have.

I understand what your brother is going through, and everything you have mentioned has for me too, plus my grammatical expression has gone, so what I say maybe to the point I am trying to say, but it's only basic.

I am so pleased that you are seeing your doctor, and please let us know how it goes, and this site is open 24/7. Geoff.