Self Intro - Recently diagnosed long-time depressed

[zailleh]

Hi Everyone,

I'm a man in my mid-twenties and I've only just been diagnosed with depression. Actually, that's not strictly true, it was first suggested I might be depressed (melancholic depression) about 3 years ago but I was only on medication for a short time as it seemed to be related to another medical condition I was then suffering that had me confined to the house for about a year.

It's gotten to the point now where I've approached a psychologist and GP for help. This was prompted by months of trouble at work - not caused by bad working conditions but more by my difficulty coping. I first started noticing I was taking days of work simply because I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed. More recently, I've started noticing increasing anxiety in crowds (agoraphobia). This was the final straw that took me to the GP to get medication.

On a good day, I can manage to force myself out of bed to go for a walk; otherwise I'll procrastinate until the last minute and then trudge off to work, only to leave work as soon as I'm possibly able. I generally start to feel almost like a normal person around 7:30... and then because I need to go to bed early at around 9pm in order to get up at 5:30 to start the day, I get cranky because I only get about an hour of feeling human before I need to go to bed.

I hate going out to places where there are people, but at the same time I get bored staying at home. It's gotten to the point now that I don't even know what activities I actually enjoy. I feel like I've lost my identity. It's not like I'm not good at things; I'm great at my job and I'm well paid for it, I'm relatively fit and healthy as I force myself to go to the gym (which is easy because there's one at work). I'm at the point now that, with diagnosis, I'm ready to admit that my life over the past 15 or so years has been heavily influenced by depression and it's not just "my personality" or "the way I am". Knowing that doesn't help me feel like any less of a failure but hopefully, with anti-depressants and help from a psychologist, I can begin to make a difference in my own life and gain back the joy.

If I were to sum up my experience with depression simply it would be: I'm incapable of feeling excited and cannot remember the last time I did so.

I'm hoping that, by spending time on this forum, I can come to terms with my condition and gain confidence by being able to speak more about my experiences in a friendly understanding environment.

~ZaiLLeH::

[Doolhof]

Hi ZaiLLeH,

Welcome to Beyond Blue and to the community here of like minded people. Please don't ever feel like being a failure because you have been diagnosed with or feel like you have depression.

People suffer from all kinds of diseases: cancer, dyslexia, kidney dysfunction, strokes and so on. There is no need for anyone to feel a failure because of the illness they have. 

We need to find ways to understand our illness or condition. We need to find ways to make ourselves stronger, more resilient, able to cope when the days are bad and to accept some days there is little we can do at all.

You are getting help from your psychologist and also through medication and your GP, so those are all positive steps. You just need to take small steps each day, achieve a little goal here and there and not expect yourself to be able to climb Mt. Everest tomorrow.

Take one day at a time. Try and think of something positive you would like to do today and consider how you can make that happen.

One day, one step at a time. Try and see the positives around you.

Keeping in touch here letting us know of your progress may well help also. Share what is working for you, and your words may encourage others.

We all have rotten days, the thing is to try hard to make them better.

Hope this helps in some way!

From Mrs. Dools

[zailleh]

Thanks for the welcome, Mrs. Dools.

It's been a week and a half since I've started medication and it's been a bumpy ride with ups and downs, more downs than ups. I have an appointment with my GP on Monday and I will probably need to up the dose or change medications as I'm feeling worse than ever at the moment.

I manage to drag myself to work, but I'm hardly able to do any work when I'm here and I just want to go home. The days are becoming increasingly difficult to get through.

Hopefully finding the right medication/dosage can help make it easier to get through the day so I can at least start working on habits/strategies to cope and manage the depression, especially on the bad days.

[Doolhof]

Hi Zailleh,

Great to hear from you again. Regarding the medication, it can be quite a journey trying to find the right type to suit you. The Dr has probably explained it may take a while for the drugs to kick in properly. It would be wonderful if there was a miracle drug that fixed us all up straight away!

I have no idea where you work, but can you try to organise and plan your day at work so the day goes a bit easier? Try to think about what you need to do right now and not worry about what you have to do later, until that moment arrives.

I find if I think of everything I have to tackle in a day all at once it becomes over whelming at times. Try and break it up into little chunks.

I assume you have breaks during the day at work. Could you try and do something really different during your breaks to create a change of mood and feeling for yourself. Even a short 10 minute walk at lunch time for example might give you a real boost.

I've been rather flat this last few weeks so have been trying different things myself. In between clients I have been having a picnic lunch in a park, finding new places to go for a short walk, went to a second hand shop where some Church friends volunteer and had a great laugh with them, I have taken along a book to the park to read, have drawn pictures, read information on dealing with stress and been window shopping.

You could read and make notes about the strategies you would like to try and work out how you could carry them out. Then when you are feeling able enough, you can put them into practise.

It sounds to me like you are on the right track, you just need to keep moving ahead one day at a time and you will get to where you want to be. Sometimes it just takes a little time!

I'm looking forward to reading about your progress. We all have days where we feel like we are going backwards, when that happens, just try to let that day go by and hope tomorrow will be better!

Cheers for now, from Mrs. Dools