My mothers mental health (I am concerned)

[Slippers]

My mother’s health has been a concern for a little while. Earlier this year she fell in the backyard and was not found for 4 hours. The ambulance was called but she refused to go to hospital for an overnight check-up. I found out last week that she has bursitis; I think she got this from her fall. (Mum wears a vital call alarm around her neck and she can press the button if she is in trouble and the ambulance will turn up)
My sister and I went to my Mums doctor last Wednesday; my family had a number of questions to ask the doctor as Mum does not fully answer questions about her health status when asked. One of the questions was should Mum be driving. I live with Mum and she sometimes borrows my car, in the five years, that I have had the car there has been a 4 or 5 accidents, Mum was driving each time. I am concerned that Mum’s reflexes are not as good as they once were.
The doctor said to Mum that she should not have been driving six months ago. Mum has a full licence though she can only drive up to 10 km distance from home.
Last Saturday I could tell that Mum was unhappy, she told me that she had a sleepless night and that she felt like jumping off the gap since she was not allowed to drive anymore and that she felt like she was being rail roaded. This took me aback.

After a minute to compose my thoughts I said to Mum that she was being unfair and how would she like it if I was to tell her that I wanted to jump off the gap (cliff). I think Mum is using emotional blackmail, and it is unfair on my immediate family and me. Mum is on a department of veteran affair pension so the doctors, specialist can organise a taxi to take her to, and from doctor’s appointments and I can do all her shopping needs for her.
It worries me where Mums headspace is, my sister and Mum goes to the doctor this coming Wednesday. I do not know whether I want advice on this or not, I had to share this.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Slippers,

Thank you for sharing this with us. We're sorry things are so difficult for you right now. It is clear how much you care for your mother. We know it's not easy sharing such things and we hope our welcoming online forums community provides you with as much support, advice and conversation as you need.

You may also find it helpful to talk your feelings and options through with or support service which offers support, advice, some counselling and referrals appropriate to your situation. You can phone them day or night on 1300 22 4636, email them and expect a reply within 24 hours or chat to them live online from 3pm-midnight AEST via webchat www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport.

 

[Nurse_Jenn]

Hi there Slippers,

This sounds really tough and I am sorry to hear that you are going through a tough time with your mum. I can relate somewhat as I watched my own mother go through this with her dad. He was adamant that he could still drive but was displaying some risky behaviours and also having falls etc. It was a journey and it took time for him to accept that he was losing a key feature of his independence. For him, driving was a really big part of his life and freedom.

When a person starts to lose their independence in anyway, they can go through the stages of grief. These include 'denial, shock, anger, bargaining, and acceptance'. These stages arise in no particular order and people can feel each one of these daily. Each individual processes loss differently.

Your mum made a comment about wanting to end her life which would have been very hard to hear. It is definitely cause to get some extra support and an assessment by a health professional which it sounds like she is getting with her GP soon.

Your mum may be going through a process of adjusting which can be really difficult for some people and take some time. I have attached a link with some advice around caring for someone who is struggling.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/supporting-someone/supporting-someone-with-depression-or-anx...

There is also a lot of resources for carers. Reaching out on the forum is a great start to get support for just you. I wonder if you also have a close friend or family member that you are able to chat with about your situation regularly?

https://www.carergateway.gov.au/help-advice

If it feels right, keep sharing your story here. You are not alone.

Sending you strength,

Nurse Jenn