My Day

[Girl_Anachronism]

You are probably of sick of hearing from me by now, but I felt the need to post what happened to me today.

After a long and ardous 5 hour long conversation with my husband yesterday, I decided that I was going to go to this convention today which we have helped plan for the past month. It  was a small one- not even a thousand people but a couple of days ago I was sure I would be too fragile to face that. I wasn't even sure gioing to sleep last night. I woke up this morning and decided to to go. I would be volunteering close to my husband and some friends so if things tarted to go pear shaped, help was at hand to seek medical attention. The deal was we would be there as long as I could stand it and then we could go home or to the hopsital depending on my state of mind.

It went alot better than expected. I spent most of the day there and even found the responsibility of looking after attendees helped me keep my mind of my troubles. I just focused on what others needed. When the crowd was toomuch, I withdrew to a spot working the door where it was quieter and I didn't even have to do much work.

The biggest news of all- I had fun. I laughed for the first time in days. I found myself smiling. Today was a good day.

I am not saying I won't have bad days after this, I probably will with the looming deadline of deciding what to do with my life now that I have wasted 7 years on a not quite finished degree. I haven't even began to deal with my family issues. But today was a good day all the same.

I guess that's what the point of this post is- not to gloat that I am having a good day and others aren't, but that good days can and do happen. A good day happened to me of all people, and if you've been following my posts you know good days just haven't been happening for months. If I had quit before this, I wouldn't have seen today. I see the stars I was looking for.

By gum, if good days can happen to me they can happen to you too.

The second point is when the dark comes again for me and I can't see the stars, you out there can throw this day back in my face. You have full permission to do that. You can rub my face in this feeling until it scrubs out all the darkness and I see stars again.

Now more importantly, how did your day go?

GA

[Girl_Anachronism]

Note to self: Re read what you are posting before you post it. I am a verbose person who spells very well and cares about spelling. When Iget scared/nervous/excited my fingers just can't keep up with the words flowing from my head and that leads to typos.

So I can spell. I just can't type. I just wanted to clarify that.

GA

[Neil_1]

Hey GA

I'm am so stoked for you ... and you should absolutely gloat to everyone, absolutely.  For me, and I would reckon everyone else on this site, it is a damn wonderful thing to read when we hear good news from someone.

Like Jo, the other day and getting to meet her Dad.

And we all also know that this is just today and tomorrow is another day, but you had a great time today and that is what counts.

That must have been daunting though to be facing up to that many people, but you handled it brilliantly and you were awesome to have a back up plan if things tarted to go pear shaped.  Sorry, I couldn't resist ... but when I read that, I thought of two things.  There's a racehorse called "Pear Tart" and I reckon to dine on something that is a Pear Tart would be devine.  🙂   I was going to put that in my ps:  but thought if I massaged it into one of my drivelling paras, people might not notice.  😉

So yes GA, with how things have been for you over the last while, I'm so pleased that you had a day like you had.  Well done you.  🙂

Neil

[Jo3]

Hi GA

I'm so glad to read that you coped and had a good day at the convention.  Well done that is a great achievement.

And to be able to smile - WOW that is fantastic. It's amazing how you feel when you can smile.

I've been thinking of you today and thought I would write to say I am proud of you, you are definitely stronger than when you first came on here. 

Take care

Jo

[Girl_Anachronism]

Hi Neil,

Today was OK too. Kind of freaking a little over the psych tomorrow but I had introvert me time cross stitching AND bubble tea.

To top it off my husband trusted me with scissors for my embroidery today and furthermore said he trusted he to go into my psych tomorrow on my own. So yay?

Just so nervous about tomorrows appointment. This a different psych than the one at the hospital and they said if it doesn't work out that they will put me in contact with others but...

Tellling my story all over again. To someone new. I'm scared. Really scared.

GA

PS: Dammit now I feel like Pear tart.

[Girl_Anachronism]

Hi Guys,

Up and down like a damned rollercoaster. This was morning was bad and full of panic attacks then I had a plan and all was good again. I went swimming and felt good at being in the water at first and then bad for being so damned unfit. It all balanced out, mostly.

All to come home to an email that someone I trusted today has betrayed me.

I trust someone and this is how I get treated.  I have come here and I can't even take in any of this. I can't see the happy person in my head. I can't see my stars. I can't see anything but pain.

I am done. I am so, so done.

GA

[geoff]

dear GA, well you should be congratulated, and you what all of this means, well most of us do, it means that slowly you are beginning to see the light.

You have changed your thinking around, and I am ignoring your last paragraph at this stage, and this when swimming your felt like a little mermaid, but then suddenly you started to become annoyed, as this is where your thinking changed, you realised how unfit you are, well aren't most of us, but this was great, it wasn't any worse about yourself.

Now the last paragraph, this person is not a friend of you, and in some way people with depression finally find out who is friend or foe, it finally shows us who we can trust and rely on through our long journey of this illness.

It would be easy to dwell on this email, but this will only make the mermaid turn into a shark, and I am no lover to any sharks.

This new psych maybe the answer to your questions, so think positive and then go for a swim and enjoy the fruits of life.

Let us know how you get on as it's today. L Geoff. x

[Lillybell]

Hi GA, I can relate well to what you're saying. We can be doing so well and then someone can unravel us very quickly. The key seems to be in not reacting and allowing others to control our emotions. I keep saying that I'm focusing on accepting what happens to me without reacting negatively, and the more I do this, for some strange reason, the more unable I am to accept what happens! I had a minor issue with my son last night, which left me feeling terribly anxious and full of negative thoughts about the future. I also had a conversation with my sister that was upsetting and reminded me of why my family is so dysfunctional. Then the whole negative spiral begins. Riding a rollercoaster is right GA. We've just got to hang on tight while we ride the damn thing. Let's hope today takes us back up to enjoy the view from the top of the rollercoaster. Hopefully it will get stuck up there for a while and we can get our equilibrium back.

[Neil_1]

Hi GA

Just wanted to chip in here to say that I hope that your session with your new psyche goes well.  It will be draining – as they always are when you have to go through all the torment and pain;  it’s like you’re having to re-live it again.

I also get sick when I go on rollercoasters, so my suggestion is to get off … and get into a dodgem car … that way when you’re feeling low, just use your dodgem car to ram whatever it is that’s causing you frustration.  (ps:  this suggestion is to be used only in pretend dodgem cars and no way should it be used in real life).

With regard to the trusted person … how close a friend were they?   To me, if they’ve betrayed you (especially if they know your background and what you’re dealing with) then I say, delete the email and I would delete the person’s contact from my computer.  I actually did this, gee, must have been 5 years ago now … it wasn’t a betrayal, but it was over email.  Haven’t heard from him since and I feel fine with that.

Hope to hear from you soon

Neil

[Lillybell]

Great idea Neil. Let's get on the dodgem's instead. I can't tolerate rollercoaster rides either. Actually I've never been on one and never will. And.. I don't like heights, so what was I thinking. GA let's ram the bs away!