Lost & Confused

[Guest11]

Hi guys after some advice here, I also just need to get some things off my chest and posting here is easier than trying to talk to people.

I practically spent all last year in a numb, apathetic state where I completely lost interest in everything important to me and I also avoided interacting with friends and family unless I absolutely had to. I spent my days distracting myself in any way possible and my nights were spent lying in bed just waiting and hoping that I'd fall asleep so my mind would stop wandering.

Mid December I started to feel a little bit better, probably because christmas was coming and I knew I was going to be spending it with my family. I felt like things were getting back on track and that I'd be ok again. Come late January, early February I felt miserable again for no reason I can think off. I remember one night broke down into tears one night for no reason, alone in my room. Nothing had triggered it, but on and off after that I had more cry spells and I felt terrible some days. I couldn’t sleep very well after that, and I sleep very little now.

Lately I've noticed that I've become somewhat worse, and sometimes I become very emotional when in public places and I feel as if I can’t hold it in. My health has also suffered I rarely sleep, I get migraines and have probably gained around 10 kilos. 

I don’t feel like I can trust anyone enough to tell them about how I’ve been feeling, although I think my stepmother suspects something is not right, even so I just can't bring myself to talk about it. I have no close friends; I haven't spoke to to most of them in a while and my so called best friend abruptly dropped contact for reasons unknown. I feel that even if I were stll close to any of them, I still couldn’t tell them

I've been to see a GP and had a mental health plan prepared, and saw a psychologist once (second appt in 2 weeks) 

I just don't know what is wrong, I remember periods of feeling down and depressed constantly for months at a time, other times I remember feeling on top of the world. Like I was invincible or nothing could stop me.

[Flux_amp_Flow]

She then started calling me all these different names, names that can't be mentioned here as per the forum rules. She called me a liar and said that I had betrayed her trust and that my sister is only my step sister so she means nothing to me and that I shouldn't have let her come to the house. 

I told her to put my dad on the phone and he asked if we were ok. I told my dad what she had said and I said I hated her and never wanted to speak to or see her again. 

As usual she played the victim and my dad sided with her. She started to send me abusive text messages, which I did not reply to. She said I was destroying their marriage and she gave my dad an ultimatum, her and their marriage or me. 

He chose her, like all those times before just like I knew he would. I told my dad never to speak to or try to contact me ever again. 

I asked my dad why doesn't he see how much of an evil, vindictive, nasty person she is. He said she wasn't. Nearly everyone in my family does not like her constant gossiping and her nasty personality. 

I just really despise her for what she's done, the way she's twisted my dad and distanced him from all of us. I don't like to wish bad things on people, but I certainly do not wish her well. 

I knew he would choose her over me, but I'm not sure why I'm feeling this way when I knew it would eventually come down to this. 

[Scott_Depression]

Hey Flux

I'm sorry again for being away and not giving you the support you richly deserve.

I agree - the step-mum/girlfriend sounds like a nasty bit of work.  I'm so sorry that you've been subjected to such nonsense - I don't really understand why some people can be SO nasty, and completely lack empathy.  Sounds like you should have got a bravery award for dealing with the cooker! 

I'd suggest that a bit of time away could be a good idea.

It may be a good idea to write a letter to your dad and list the facts - don't send the letter, but take screenshots of the nasty texts, etc that have been sent to you and stick them into the document.  Would be good to have dates/events logically documented.  Maybe write how the treatment by his girlfriend affects you negatively.  Again, don't send the letter, but essentially blog about it

Are you able to discuss this with your psych? 

I'm IN NO WAY DEFENDING your dad's girlfriend, but do you think she's got issues she's not dealing with?  I remember my psych saying that about 15-20% of all people have some sort of personality disorder.  Maybe she's in denial of something - either way, she doesn't sound as though she's playing with a full deck!

Can you move in with your mum/stepdad instead?

Practical advice - Make sure you're on top of your meds and touch base with your doctor/psych - time to call on your support

Again, so sorry I've been slack on BB lately

Big hugs & lots of love

Scott

[Flux_amp_Flow]

Hi Scott,

I really don't understand her at all. After everything happened I stayed at my mum's house during the uni break for about two weeks, I told my dad I wanted to and was going to move out and that my older cousin had said I could live with her. 

My dad was ok with it and said I should do it since me and his wife couldn't get along. When I eventually went back to my dads for a week to start packing she constantly harassed and called me names.

When my dad got home from work one day he came to my room where I was packing and asked why I hadn't spoke to her since I returned, I was just totally dumbfounded at this, the way she manipulates and twists situations in her favour. She made everything about her and played the victim 100% 

This was all when my dad couldn't see of course, I did try to tell him but he just believes she can do no wrong. 

I've discussed her in detail with my psych and he said it sounds like she has some personality disorder. It's funny though she is meant to have OCD, Bipolar and a few other things but I honestly think she's a hypochondriac who just want people to feel sorry for her, so she thinks they are her friends or something, she has a whole cupboard full of meds that she never takes but she tells everybody she does. 

On the day I moved she tried to tell my mum all these lies but my mum saw through it and said she didn't believe a word she said, it was great to see my mum standing up for me like that (not that she hasn't before) 

I'm glad I have moved away, I don't really want to see her ever again. 

Lastly, I'm still not on any meds at all, not since the meds I was on late last year, although last session to psych told me I would probably benefit from meds and that it would be discussed with the GP at the review session.

I'm not sure when my next psych session is, and I don't know how it's going to work now that I've moved away. 

Thanks again. Hopefully I can get back on top of things.