It all gets too much

[HelenM]

For a few weeks now I've been on an okay level. Once I'm out and about life's been okay. Suddenly it's changed for no good reason.

On and off I've had sleep problems with my depression and in the early days they caused me horrendous problems. If my sleep plays up I can become quite distressed.

On Thursday night I had problems getting to sleep. Then I kept waking and sleeping. So much so that on Friday I couldn't go to the charity shop where I help because I felt so rubbish. So on Friday night I took a sleeping tablet. Then last night I slept with nothing. Well I got 3and half hours. In Scotland it's midday now. I'm just crying and crying. My mind has gone crazy on me. I feel I've been shot down from the sky. Last week I had a couple of fantastic times and suddenly it's all gone. The sleep problem is all psychological but now I've got to try to get it back on track. 

Please could people answer as I don't want to ring my friends. My husband knows but is fairly dismissive and I don't want to talk to my family or anyone. I don't know why. 

The other week LING said she wanted to give up. We can't though. But I just wish it were possible because I feel so miserable.

Any support would be helpful.

Thanks, Helen

[White_Rose]

Dear Helen

I can understand your doctor's attitude. It is very easy to become dependent on medication. Once you are 'hooked on' sleeping pills it sets you up to be scared to go to bed without taking one. I once ran out of my sleeping tablets and did not get a new prescription for a couple of days. I really was terrified that I would not sleep. I think this is why anti-histamines are a fairly good alternative. A more gently action and not so addictive.

I take my medication regularly, but I am not happy about it. Even the stuff that is not for depression. I feel it shows me as a weak person. Yes I know that's not really the case and I am getting better at accepting, but there is still some reluctance.

Any argument with anyone has the power to exhaust you when you are already down. The up side is that you were able to argue without just giving in. So that's a positive.

Keep up the good work.

LING

[Snoman]

Hi Helen,

I have finally realised that sleep for me is a critical part of my well being. A few nights of poor sleep and I can feel depression knocking on the door. When that happens, I make a special effort to get to bed early and have some 'sleepy tea'.  I've never been one for herbal tea, but I have found tea with camomile to be quite helpful. I think part of it is the soothing process of brewing it and pouring out the tea in our special cups, then climbing into bed to drink it with lights down and some gentle music.

I have never been one to remember dreams, but with the sleepy tea, I remember them and they are really weird (are all dreams weird). Without the sleepy tea I would wake up frequently - never sleeping through.

Hope you get some good sleep soon.

[HelenM]

Hi

I think I'm more or less out of my really horrible week. My rational thinking started to kick in and the last few days have been better. I was frightened to post that in case I was tempting fate. I am still feeling fragile - I haven't felt so scared in many, many years.

Plodding on is always the only answer. And please God things will settle again for a wee while.

Thanks 

Helen

[White_Rose]

Hello Helen

Good to hear you are feeling better.

It must be something in the air. I've also had a rotten couple of weeks. However I can't yet manage the rational thinking. On the other hand, if I can say that maybe I am begining to think straight.

The worst part of bad times is how vulnerable it makes us feel. Being scared that we will not get back to "normal" whatever that is. Or just afraid because we can fall over when we believe we are making good progress.

Two steps forward and one step back means we are actually going forward. Something to hold on to. Also we do recover and each setback and recovery gives hope and strengthens us for the next time. Maybe after a while we will be able to brush aside the bad times and simply learn to breathe and manage. I do hope so. Every setback for me seems like the end of the world and I feel I am running around like a headless chicken.

How are the Games going in Scotland? Have you been there or do you watch on TV? I keep saying I am going to watch but it's so late at night. Daytime TV, which has re-runs, is never as exciting because I know the outcome beforehand.

Take care of yourself.

Regards

LING

[HelenM]

Yes it's strange LING. When I start getting back on my feet I think 'how did I fall for that'. But depression always has something to throw at us. But we do always come through and we're stronger than we think.

I was in Glasgow on Tuesday, just for something I had to buy. There was a great atmosphere in the city centre though. I've watched some of the Games on TV but not a lot to be honest. I don't know if you saw the opening ceremony but there were people dressed as giant tunnocks teacakes - Tunnocks is Scottish -they're chocolatey. A lot of people including me didn't like it - perhaps because in Scotland our obesity levels are going up, but more likely it looked a bit silly.

Nonetheless, I think we're lucky to have them here. Am I right in thinking you have lots of excellent swimmers?

Thanks for your post

Helen

[White_Rose]

Hello Helen

Depression is not just a black dog, it's a cunning black dog. No matter how vigilant we are it can still get us.  And of course who wants to be hyper-vigilant all the time?  We are supposed to enjoy our lives. A cure for depression is up there in need with a cure for cancer.

I wonder how many people die from depression. I don't mean just those who take their own lives, but those whose lives are drastically shortened by the effects of depression. Strokes and heart attacks, not eating or over-eating, diabetes. I'm sure the list is huge. Perhaps BB could do some research on this and then there may be more of an effort to find effective ways of managing. Well that's my soapbox rant for the day.

Aussie swimmers are pretty good. It's almost a national sport, next to rugby, with golf and tennis coming behind. It's certainly had its share of the limelight in terms of scandals and misdemeanors. While the latest scandal in Glasgow applies to athletics not swimming, it's just par for the course.

I often wonder how the organizers of ceremonies work out their themes. One year when we hosted the Olympic Games we had kangaroos riding bicycles at the closing ceremony of the previous games when Australia was handed the baton. It looked really stupid and there was a bit of an outcry because some folk felt it made Oz look stupid. So giant biscuits and kangaroos on bikes. What next? I must say though that our opening ceremony for that games was fantastic.

Falling down and getting back up again seems to be an occupational hazard. I know we have our previous experiences to rely on, but it does not always help. Is there going to be a time when I cannot get up? And as you say, it's scary when it happens after a long spell of being well. Perhaps we forget our coping mechanisms.

Anyway, enough of the doldrums. I am so pleased you are getting up again.

Regards

LING

[HelenM]

Hi Ling 

Just seeing if this will post

[HelenM]

Hi Ling

Yesterday lost 2 posts.

I'm starting a new thread as things feel really bad just now

Helen x