Depression

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BeyondBlue Hello! Read this if you're not sure how to get started
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Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with Depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for ... View more

Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with Depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for coming this far, we know it can be really hard to take these steps if depression is in your life - we see you and think this is a great step. To get the most out of this space we have a few tips: Get involved. The Forums work best for you when you get active and post where you can. Now, we know that can be really hard, especially when you are experiencing depression. So, if you can post something supportive to someone else here, that would be an incredible start. Speak from the heart. This community wants to know how YOU feel and what has worked for YOU. We trust that you have something unique to say and we can’t wait to hear it. Check in. Lots of the chats on this Forum having been going for years and they are some of the richest conversations we have. Keep checking in to get new ideas and offer your support. We know it can be tough to start, but when you are ready we want to hear your thoughts. If you need some time to get to know the community, that's okay! Have a look around and see where you want to get involved. Thank you for being here Beyond Blue

Jeriava How do I talk to my doctor?
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I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really ... View more

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really scared that they’ll judge me or won’t believe anything I say. I’m really anti social so I feel like I won’t be able to say what I wanna say or I’ll say the wrong thing causing them to just dismiss me and move me along without helping. I’m just tired of feeling alone, depressed and just worthless but I’m really scared to talk to them.

AGrace SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION
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Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the ... View more

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the 5 senses Distress Tolerance – Accepting Emotions and Self Soothing Distraction – Put the thoughts/feelings aside and come back to them when you are ready to deal with them Positive Affirmations – Have some affirmations written down repeat them to yourself daily Sleep/Exercise/Diet – All 3 aspects of our lifestyle can impact the way we think/feel Increasing Pleasurable Activities – Engage in at least one pleasurable activity per day

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Mares73 Falling apart-losing control over my thoughts
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Hi there again i saw my psychiatrist yesterday and explained to her I was feeling very low-things I would usually do on autopilot such as get the kids ready for school and make their lunches-I was now at the point where I couldn't of had the energy t... View more

Hi there again i saw my psychiatrist yesterday and explained to her I was feeling very low-things I would usually do on autopilot such as get the kids ready for school and make their lunches-I was now at the point where I couldn't of had the energy to argue with them if they didn't want to go. That is SO not me. Having something ready for dinner each night-I completely forget.The lists of things I have to do are growing each day. I mentioned ACT therapy to my psych and her reply was that I knew the theories-what I needed was some practical help with things I have to do.She was concerned enough to ask if I would consider going to hospital for a break-but I couldn't do that to my kids right on Xmas.I don't have any "support" people. My husband just gets frustrated. I am finding it hard to wan to get out of bed each day. And my psychiatrist says this is because I have no enjoyment in my life, only things I "need" to do.She says given the amount of trauma I have experienced in my life there are bound to be effects to my self esteem, confidence as well as a fear of the unknown.So now I'm confused-am I so traumatised that therapy wouldn't help and just stick to seeing the psych every 3 months or do I drag up my whole past and go over it again using a different approach? I did email a Professor I found who specialises in ACT and she couldn't see me but gave me another name. She did state however that treatment would be very difficult and traumatic at times.I really don't want to relive my experiences-especially the ones involving child sexual abuse by my father and a priest and a "stranger" rape several years ago.I wish I could feel "normal" whatever that is just for a short period so I know it's possible to feel it again.Being defined "treatment resistant" and on a high dose SNRI coupled with 2 augmentation medications-an antipsychotic and a stimulant-AND feeling this bad is quite frightening. My self esteem is at an all-time low.I wonder who I am and where the "real" me has gone. I don't think I can go on like this much longer. I've always been able to stop myself from self harm by telling myself how important I am to the kids. Now I just feel like a complete failure at everything and don't know what to do-the kids might be less affected by me if I wasn't around.Sorry-a really dark desperate day. Mares x

Teddas Cant face today
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Re: my other post "complicated life. I have found great comfort on this site but today am faced with going to work and having to see a woman l care greatly for ignore me and happily get bon with her life. i am a mess and really dont want to take thos... View more

Re: my other post "complicated life. I have found great comfort on this site but today am faced with going to work and having to see a woman l care greatly for ignore me and happily get bon with her life. i am a mess and really dont want to take those steps backwards again. might just spend day in bed as now everything is piling in on top of me. scared l will loose my job if l take much more time off as the past b6 months have been horrible. now crying again. so sick of this rollercoaster

Suzbj I Don't Deserve Hapiness
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With things in general. My life since five years old. Please don't misunderstand me.I have every reason to count my blessings. I have great friends over these last few years, I am no longer alone although at times I am very alone. I hide my depressio... View more

With things in general. My life since five years old. Please don't misunderstand me.I have every reason to count my blessings. I have great friends over these last few years, I am no longer alone although at times I am very alone. I hide my depression. I hide PSTD which is real.I don't know how to survive but I will.

vip Need some advice please
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Hi everyone listen need to get this problem off my chest here. I have recently lost 9 kilos and i have another 15 to go and honestly ive had a complete makeover since ive been off the medication the bloating look on my face has gone and people around... View more

Hi everyone listen need to get this problem off my chest here. I have recently lost 9 kilos and i have another 15 to go and honestly ive had a complete makeover since ive been off the medication the bloating look on my face has gone and people around me are noticing and saying Vanessa you look gorgeous whats happened how come you didnt look like this before. Its just a 360 with the way i dress makeup ect. Anyway i have had a bit of a delemma with guys making passes at me and all of a sudden coming up to me staring its just bazarre its happening at every place i go too. Im feeling reallym depressed believe it or not about it and i feel dirty and violated like what do they want and im so defensive saying straight out im married and i have a child and i have mental issues i dont want anyone to compliment or look at me or stare at me and i dont trust anyone . I actually have a cry when i get home . I know this all sounds so so silly but i hate being complimented and ive always been like that if it makes sense and sometimes wish when i was bigger with those tracky pants on and tshirts it was safe nobody even came next to me . Ive really become protected and i protect myself from all this hurt. Can anyone relate to this or understand this ? In some way i dont want to let go of the depression it actually protects me .

victoriak Support is important
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I guess I just want to know if there's anyone else out there suffering the way I am.My life has been pretty much doomed since the start of my life, I never really had anyone there, i'm not adopted, or abandoned or anything like that and actually from... View more

I guess I just want to know if there's anyone else out there suffering the way I am.My life has been pretty much doomed since the start of my life, I never really had anyone there, i'm not adopted, or abandoned or anything like that and actually from the outside looking in, it looks like I have it all.I guess i am lucky I have a house, food, water, clothes, a few luxuries and all those things most Australians have but I am so sad and alone, I have nothing to live for. Not many people know about my depression, I've been heavily depressed for about 2 years now and im currently 16. I think even as a child I had sadness because of the way I was treated.The people around me who really know what is happening and who know exclusively about my depression think it's a joke. When my depression started getting really bad 2 years ago, I had alot of support, mainly from my boyfriend because he was the only person I really talked to about it.Lately, I have no support, none at all, i keep getting told that i'm a bulls@*! artist etc etc etc and it hurts because what I'm feeling is real, I don't want to feel this way but no matter what happens I do. I guess if you're reading this you need a bit of background info. I have never met my biological dad, i don't even know his name, my mother mentally, psychologically and emotionally abuses me, I don't have any siblings, I don't have any close family.I dont recall a happy childhood, I remember spending most of it alone, I never really had any friends, sleepovers, birthday parties to go to and that hasn't changed since i've been in high school. I'm pretty much a prisoner in my own home. I'm never allowed to go anywhere, the handle on my door has been removed so there's a hole to spy on me through.This is the work of my mother. This is only one of the many things she does. She never really treated me this bad and i guess i fell into heavy depression after a certain incident which involved her. 2 years ago i snuck out of home to see my boyfriend, who is a muslim australian.At first the problem was that i snuck out but coming from a fairly narrow minded family, the thought of having a muslim boyfriend horrified my family especially my mum. I have been called a terrorist supporter, a sex slave, a stupid slut, a gullible traitor, ive been told that im getting used and despite all that I ever backed down because I did love him and i still do.Truth is he is so gentle, calm and beautiful inside and out. The respect I have received from this relationship is crazy and it's set me up for life, I know how I should be treated.I have been through counsellors, psychologists, you name it i've been but my mum still doesn't care about my depression, she is just so convinced that i'm doing the wrong thing when honestly i'm probably one of the most innocent 16 year olds you'll find. I've tried to kill myself all up 4 times, coming narrowly close to death a few times, it's probably a miracle that I'm still alive. I've been extremely brief about why i'm depressed but honestly it's just so long to explain.I just needed to do this to get as much as I can off my chest and maybe someone out there is going through the same or maybe someone cares. I self harm and it's strange because I never ever would've thought that i would be as depressed as I am.2 years ago I would've never imagined myself sitting on a bathroom floor everynight, crying till I self harm. I never thought this would've been me at 16 years old. I'm supposed to be having the time of my life right now instead I find it hard to get out of bed some days. Everything that "normal people" find easy to do like brushing your teeth or showering has become something that is the hardest task of the day for me. It's easy for people to say to me 'talk to someone' 'talk to your bestfriend or your boyfriend or your family' but i have noone.I have realised that for someone suffering depression support is important. So what happens if you lose that support and you no longer have it ? I'm not a bad person, even though I couldn't see my boyfriend, I tried to give him as much love and support that I could but i never really got anything in return. I'm not going to lie at the start I did, the days were easier but now everything has turned so sour.The problem was that I got too attatched and now I'm convinced the only way that I will be happy is if I'm with him. If you've never been in love you won't understand, not even I can explain it. With depression love is hard because you're so sad although you know that you should be happy and then you just fill yourself with insecurities and jealousy and sadness and clingyness and then that just becomes too much for the other person.You know it's your fault but shouldn't they understand and still love you and nurture you and care for you no matter what ? I dont completely understand depression. I know why I'm depressed. I know what it does to me. I just don't understand it. i often find myself saying 'why me'.

JCliff My Story - talk to people about how you are feeling
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I have been thinking about posting up on here for some time and have finally built up the courage to do so. I guess the only place to start is that I am 27 years old and have been suffering from depression since I was 21. I have done it all when it c... View more

I have been thinking about posting up on here for some time and have finally built up the courage to do so. I guess the only place to start is that I am 27 years old and have been suffering from depression since I was 21. I have done it all when it comes to self medicating and it wasn't until early this year that I started to actually get better and feel better. My depression stemmed from being pretty self concious about myself and my appearance to full blown hatred in everything that I saw in myself. As we know the dark pit is deep, and it is often extremely difficult to even stand up and face a morning let alone a full day. I soon became very good at acting and pretending to be happy around friends and family, when in reality I was a train wreck on the inside, waging a war against my emotions and all the things I believed in. This is when the lieing started and didn't stop until earlier this year when I attempted to take my own life. I spent the following days after it in the mental health unit trying to figure out how to get myself out of this mess that I had gotten myself into before I decided it was time to tell the truth. Not going to lie, it was extremely difficult and confronting but it has been the best thing I have done this year. I am still working on a lot with my phsycologist and currently taking anti depressants which have helped me greatly. But the reality is my honesty with my amazing girlfirend, family and friends was a huge step for me. I stopped being afraid of what they would say and finally admitted to how bad it was. I can't put into words how much I love these people and could never repay them for the help they have given me. I still find it hard sometimes but I do reccomend to talk to people about how you are feeling. It's daunting and difficult to verbalise but it could help, I know it did for me.

jam89 i need someone to talk to about not just having depression but also anxiety
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hi i have never done this before, but i feel maybe someone out there could give me strategies to get through this. it all started in 2000 when my parents split i was 12 and i dont remember very much of what happened, im the youngest of 4 girls in my ... View more

hi i have never done this before, but i feel maybe someone out there could give me strategies to get through this. it all started in 2000 when my parents split i was 12 and i dont remember very much of what happened, im the youngest of 4 girls in my family, so i have been very protected by my family. and never lived my own life always was someone that helped everyone else and never put myself first.and i left school in year 10 no idea what i wanted to do. so starting trying to find a job which was is hard when u have no experience one of my sisters got me a job in a cafe. so i did that. and then worked somewhere else in another cafe for 2 years. but i wanted to help people so i thought i would like to maybe be nurse. so i did a certificate of assistant in nursing and got a scholarship to do my diploma in enrolled nursing. im currently working in a hospital for 3 years now as an enrolled nurse. and currently studying my bachelor of nursing. but i have started having depression about 4 or 5 years ago and been on antidepressants for about the same time. it did its job for awhile but especially in the last year or so. my older sister who is 5 years old than me has been drinking to cope with her marriage and depression she has for years.and the drinking involves my 17 month old nephew aswell. and my relationship with my sister has really gone down hill. but i seem to take on other people in my families problem and feel there my problems. i have started to get anxiety aswell. which i seem to get worse now with. i feel im at a loss and cant cope sometimes. just not sure what i can do. but i have been seeing my gp and a psychologist and psychtrist this year. any strategies would help. or just someone to listen that understands what iam going through?

Suzbj To All the People Who Have Posted
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Hi everyone, I would just like to say that, to me, the common theme through this site is the sense of worthlessness and having no value that screams the loudest in people's experiences. A few weeks ago I felt the same way. I don't anymore. It is gett... View more

Hi everyone, I would just like to say that, to me, the common theme through this site is the sense of worthlessness and having no value that screams the loudest in people's experiences. A few weeks ago I felt the same way. I don't anymore. It is getting much better for me although I know I will have 'episodes' again. But they are getting less and less. Kind of 'three steps forward - two steps back'. You ALL are so worthy and so valuable and so very important! I wish there was a way I could communicate that to you that you could believe it and take it on board! I know that everyone has their experience and it is a journey for all of us. For me, understanding that 'others', be it family, friends, doctors, psychologists, the person in the shopping centre, can't possibly 'get' depression and anxiety. Not clinical or the real deal chronic depression. I also began to realise that when I am feeling fine and confident, I really don't care what other people think of me. When depression hits, I am devastated by even a 'look from a stranger' be it real or imagined. I'm beginning to get that it is not so much what other people think about me as what I THINK OF ME! It's ME that has to be HAPPY WITH ME, first and foremost. I'm also learning to live in the NOW. Not the past, not the future (except in practical terms). Living in the 'now' I guess is mindfulness. I remember up to five years old how happy I was. I was always in the NOW as children are when life is well. They don't hold onto the past; they don't fear the future, they live in the moment. There is a lesson in that for all of us, whether we have depression or not. One day at a time, one moment at a time, one pause at a time. Pause, just for a few seconds and notice a beautiful blue sky, a bird, a tree - a computer or latest tablet, I Phone, if that is what is special to you. Just pause and find the moment of gratitude that you identify with. I am so happy to be on this site and I wish all of you recovery, happiness and peace

Bepo78 I have Depression
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Hi, I hope you are all getting through this Saturday evening ok. I just wanted to let everyone I don't know know that it's official... I have Depression. May sound stupid, but I actually only realised last night, when I went searching on the Internet... View more

Hi, I hope you are all getting through this Saturday evening ok. I just wanted to let everyone I don't know know that it's official... I have Depression. May sound stupid, but I actually only realised last night, when I went searching on the Internet to deal with Christmas blues. I found this site, and all of you, and through reading your stories, telling my own, and some teary soul searching into the wee hours, I finally realised that it was more than just "the potential to get Depressed" which was what I thought for a very long time. While my health practitioners probably know it, and my medication, is probably a pretty sure sign, I always stupidly believed I was on a purely preventative path... I now know this is not the case. Strangely enough, this realisation actually has given me some peace, in a way it's kind of nice to know that the freak I think I am may only actually be temporary and gives me renewed focus to find solutions. Instead of feeling distraught that I'll be this sad sack forever and probably live to 100 just to be punished, I now feel like if I can do all the things recommended I may have a shot at being confident and happy again. Anyway, just wanted to let you know you've helped me a great deal already. Thanks xo

Peace01 My Story
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I am 54 years of age and have been suffering from depression since I was 14. I didn't know I was until I broke down a few years ago. The diagnosis of "Clinical Depression" sent me into a deeper black hole. When I shared this with my husband his respo... View more

I am 54 years of age and have been suffering from depression since I was 14. I didn't know I was until I broke down a few years ago. The diagnosis of "Clinical Depression" sent me into a deeper black hole. When I shared this with my husband his response was "thousand of women do what you do and they cope". I hated him in that moment. To be fair to him he didn't know of my childhood history at that time. However, during counselling, when our marriage broke down, my abuse came out and he then proceeded to use that as the reason our marriage wasn't working. I guess my depression took its toll on the marriage but the fact that my husband was controlling and manipulating took a bigger toll. Combine all this and the "little black dog" grew into a huge black dog. I am thankful for the counselling I received during that time as it made me realise where my depression initiated, from my childhood. My self harm, extreme emotional ups and downs led to an emotional break down at 14. A short hospital stay and then taken from school and the issue was never raised again. My family were aware of one abuse incident when I was 6 or 7 but they didn't know about the other times. The thoughts of suicide have been, are there still, but with the help of a couple of special friends I get through. The counsellor I had told me she didn't believe in depression and that it was something that could be fixed. That may be right for some people but I don't think that is true in my case. Medication helps but that only gets me through the day so I can cope with my job and everyday life. I fear I have been this way too long. I feel broken, different and I still ask the question what did I do that made those people pick me, did I come across as weak, even as a child? Oh, I have heard it all before, it's not my fault. I have a hard time believing that, surely I was doing something that attracted their attention. As an adult I know it wasn't my fault but the child still comes through and the doubts come back afresh. My God, I am rambling, sorry, first time bringing this to a public forum and am running on nervous energy. My family, 3 sons, know I suffer from this thing called depression but they don't know how deep it runs or why it is there. Not sure I do either. I can't talk to them about this. Somehow that would make me feel less than I am. I think I will stop the rambling for now. If anyone has been reading thank you for your silent listening.