Hey guys, I've been in a really bad place lately, and I don't have
anyone else to speak to, I don't want my family to know about my
troubles, because there is already too much going on in my parents
lives. Where do i start? I've never spoken/written ...
View more
Hey guys, I've been in a really bad place lately, and I don't have
anyone else to speak to, I don't want my family to know about my
troubles, because there is already too much going on in my parents
lives. Where do i start? I've never spoken/written what's going on in my
head before, and I just need to let it all out. I've been the social
outcast all my life, floating by on a piece of string, hoping it doesn't
snap and leave me in the dark. I don't have any friends, I have
acquaintances who occasionally ask me to do stuff, but I am to afraid of
going out, as I have sever anxiety issues and freak out about lots of
things. I guess my life spiraled out of control in the start of Year 10,
toward the end of that year, the group of guys I hung out with at school
stopped talking to me, avoiding me at all costs and just being really
rude. I thought these were the people I could count on most to not do
this. For 3 months Oct-Dec, I spent every recess and lunch reading books
alone, bottling up my feelings and hating myself, always wondering what
I had done to deserve this. I cried myself to sleep every night, as a 16
year old boy. The school I attended finishes at Year 10, so I moved on
to a new school.. New school, new start? yeah, right. I'm a really shy
person, I have the social skills equivalent to that of a polar bear, (
a.k.a non-existent ) I didn't meet new people, I struggled through
school, year 12 was a shamble, with my anxiety causing me to blank out
during tests and even pass out during exams, so on top of my failing
life, my grades were miserable. Of course, this made me feel even worse,
no friends, no future aspirations, just a person no one cares about. In
October last year, at my cousins 21st, I met this wonderful girl, and we
started talking, just a little at first, it eventually led on to us
talking every night for 2 months until one of us fell asleep. That 2
months was the best of my life. I forgot all the terrible stuff that had
happened, and could only focus on the girl who made me feel alive. I
finally caught up with her, and it was a disaster, my stress levels went
through the roof, and I messed up. We didn't speak for a while, mainly
because I was too afraid of what she thought. A few nights ago, I
messaged her, asking her if things could go back to the way they were
before I was an idiot and my anxiety ruined our friendship. She replied
with a long drawn out message about how she was sorry about what we had,
and she should never have talked to me as often as she did, and the way
she did, knowing that I was a loner, and had never had a friend who was
a girl. She basically led me on an adventure that ended in pain and
suffering. One that I was all too familiar with. I'm currently 18, most
people think I have plenty of time to find someone like her, but I don't
know, I've never had so much in common with anyone before, and the way
she stopped talking to me literally crushed me. I've spent the last few
days ignoring her, the world and everything, I just feel like leaving.
Permanantly I don't really have anywhere else to go, except where
everyone who goes through these things converges, I just want some
people to talk to. I want to go see a therapist, but i'm too afraid of
my parents and siblings knowing, and trying to help me themselves, i'm
too much of a burden on everyone.
Hello! Read this if you're not sure how to get started
